Celebslam: They're Better Than Us: Divorce Archives

Dina Lohan is a bitch

Dina Lohan filming her new reality show at a youth center in Harlem (3/28)

Lindsay Lohan's dad Michael is reopening his divorce case with ex-wife Dina. Why? Because she's a huge bitch. Michael told the New York Daily News:

"I gave [Dina] the family house, all the furniture and the $200,000 she owed me just so that I could see my kids and have a relationship with them. But after I gave her everything she wanted, she made it hard as hell for me to see my children. Even though my father is dying and my mother was in a car accident on Easter, my parents still haven't seen my children. [Dina] told me, 'It's up to the kids if they want to see their grandparents.' But she's made no effort to put them in touch or make this happen. That is the bottom line. My mother, Marilyn Lohan, was medevacked by helicopter to the hospital on Easter Sunday after hitting a telephone poll and tree. Thank God, she's okay, but the car was totaled. Every window blew out. My father went into heart failure again yesterday - and yet not one of the kids has seen him." (Source)

Is anyone surprised that a relative of Lindsay's got into a car accident? The only thing that chick has "totaled" less than cars is box office receipts. Besides, it should be obvious why Lindsay hasn't rushed to see her grandmother: she's not a vile of coke, probably doesn't put out on a first date, and doesn't rhyme with "elve inch mock."

[Splash News]

Heather Mills is a greedy bitch

Heather Mills is a greedy bitch

Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills is looking more and more like a greedy bitch -- if that's even possible. In court documents just released, Mills estimates her yearly expenses to be over $5 million (something the judge called "unreasonable, indeed exorbitant"):

• $1.29 million for full time housekeepers at seven properties
• $1 million for annual vacations (including private and helicopter flights of $375,000.)
• $250,000 for clothes per year.
• $60,000 for equestrian activities annually. The judge noted she no longer rides horses.)
• $80,000 for wine a year. The judge pointed out she does not drink alcohol.
• $86,000 for a driver a year.
• $40,000 for a carer and $380,000 for professional fees p.a.
• $1.08 million a year for security.
• $1.25 million annually to give as charitable donations but Mills admitted $985,000 would be used en route in helicopters, first class and private jets.
• $146,000 for the cost of business staff and $80,000 for helicopter hospital flights a year.
• $.60 for hinge grease.

Guess which one I added

PICS: Heather Mills giving a speech at Trinity College (11/2007)

[WENN]

Heather Mills got paid

Heather Mills leaves the London High Court

Mills "relieved" that she can finally quit her day job as court jester

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' legal battle is finally over. A judge today ordered McCartney to pay his ex-wife $48.6 million ($33 million lump sum in addition to $15.6 million in assets she already holds). The two were married for four years before divorcing in 2006. People writes:

Speaking on the steps of the High Court in London Monday, Heather Mills declared herself "so, so happy" with her nearly $50 million divorce settlement from Paul McCartney. The 40-year-old ex-wife of the former Beatle said she was "just glad it was over," referring to the long-running and often acrimonious split. McCartney, 65, upon exiting the court in an indifferent mood, merely said to waiting reporters, "All will be revealed." (Source)

To recap, Heather Mills was paid $12.15 million/year to be married to an internationally famous music icon. I have both my legs. Winner: Me.

PICS: Heather Mills and Paul McCartney leaving the London High Court today

[Getty]

Pam wants an annulment

But he looks so trustworthy . . .

Rather than a standard divorce, Pam wants a annulment from her estranged husband Rick Salomon. The two married in October, split up in December, got back together, and then split up again. Those crazy kids. People says:

Anderson cited "fraud" as the reason for the annulment. No details were given in the court papers, which were filed last Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court. (Source)

Fraud? We're talking about the guy who mass marketed a tape of himself banging Paris Hilton. Wouldn't you know he's a shady dude going into the marriage? That's like marrying me and complaining about soreness after our honeymoon. Hey baby, you knew how big I was before I slipped those eight carats on your finger.

PICS: Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon leaving Villa Lounge in West Hollywood (12/22/07)

Pink and Carey Hart split up

What man could resist such beauty?

Pink and her husband of two years Carey Hart have split up. Rumors have been circulating since late last year that their marriage was on the rocks because Carey couldn't stop cheating ( this pic that surfaced yesterday didn't help) and Pink, well, Pink's ugly . . . or should I say "handsome". The singer's publicist told People:

"Pink and Carey Hart have separated. This decision was made by best friends with a huge amount of love and respect for one another. While the marriage is over, their friendship has never been stronger." (Source)

Of course their friendship "has never been stronger". Who else would Carey call when he needs an oil change or the lid taken off a stubborn jar?