Diddy sucks at dice
Diddy lost a million dollars to Rick Ross shooting dice over the weekend, who I'm sure has already filed the appropriate forms with the IRS. Right, Rick? In between pictures of his children, Diddy posted a video to his Instagram
of him shooting dice and swigging Ciroc (the shitty vodka he has a piece of), adding the following charming caption:
I just lost a million dollars. It ain't nothin #SuckMyDickBitch
Hey, for all of those families suffering through those floods and mudslides in Colorado, don't despair -- Sean Combs is losing millions of dollars to other douchey millionaires playing street craps. My God, how out of touch can one shiny suit-wearing shit-dick be? Diddy wears his obliviousness like a tacky badge of honor -- inlaid with yellow diamonds on faux platinum. Hopefully Diddy decides to not pay his debt, which Rick will then see as "disrespect" and handle it the way all self-obsessed hip hop "artists" handle it: with hot lead injections at the BET Hip Hop Awards.*5 Diddy dice pictures total in the gallery:
Diddy snorkeling in St. Barts
That paparazzi agency says this is Diddy in St. Barts on Wednesday but I'm pretty sure they're wrong. I know a chubby little white kid from the midwest who doesn't want you to see his bitch tits when I see one.
*25 Diddy pictures total in the gallery:
Cameron Diaz returning to her hotel in Paris
I don't know how this is even possible considering what she now looks like, but Diddy's just using Cameron Diaz for the sex. Wait, really? Are we sure he's not just using her for the friendship? From the Chicago Sun Times
While Cameron Diaz is said to be crazy about Sean “Diddy” Combs, the music mogul is described as viewing the actress more as a galpal he looks at as a “friend with benefits.”
Oh, no. Cameron went from being a movie star to being just another hoochie shaking her moneymaker in the lame rap video that is Sean Comb's life. First A-Rod, now Puffy or Diddy or whatever the hell he's calling himself now? We hear that once Cameron is finished running through the stupid nickname crowd, she's gonna hookup with the superhero community. Get ready, San Diego Comic-Con!*30 Diddy pictures total in the gallery:
Diddy at the Weinstein post-Golden Globes party in Beverly Hills
Considering that Cameron Diaz looked like this
at the Weinstein post-Golden Globes party, it's weird that Diddy would be in such a hurry to get her home. From the New York Daily News
Diddy apparently got there solo and ... found Diaz sitting on a couch "talking to a guy," says the source.
"Let's go," Diddy told the "Bad Teacher" actress, who our source says quickly got up to follow him out a back exit where celebrities could call their cars, away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi.
Before Diaz and Diddy could make their getaway, however, our source says they ran into three male party guests who wanted their pictures taken with Diaz. She happily obliged, says our source, until an impatient Diddy grabbed her hand, said "Let's go" again, and pulled her to a waiting car.
"I've never seen him so controlling," says the source, who says Diaz "seemed to like the manly power thing."
Isn't that the way it is with "those people?" They take and take and take, and are outraged when at least a semblance of descent behavior is expected in return. Poor Cameron, she's an A-lister but being treated like ghetto trash by one of "those people." Hopefully Diddy will refrain from getting physical, but we all know how uppity "those people" can be, especially when they think they've been disrespected. Of course by "those people," I mean record execs. I know what you were thinking, and yes, you are indeed racist.*5 Diddy pictures total in the gallery:
Diddy leaving Whisky Mist nightclub in London
Instead of getting drunk last week in London, Diddy could have put, like, five underprivileged kids through college. Hah! You suck underprivileged kids! From UK tabloid the Daily Star
The 40-year-old moneybags boozer, aka Sean Combs, got the VIP section [at London’s members-only club Whisky Mist] closed off for 70 of his thirsty pals, including sexy gals MIA, 34, and Kelly Rowland, 29, who downed some of the devil’s finest liquid.
A source said: “Sean got through the whole stock of Whisky Mist Ace Of Spades cocktails, costing £61,000, as well as ordering 10 Chalice cocktails which arrived in silver trophies. He then bought a four-foot tall cocktail which came with dancers and a Scottish bagpipe player. Each of these costs £2,100 and Diddy bought 10.”
At the end of the bash, Diddy took to the decks with Kelly. Our source added: “Sean and Kelly tried to sing but they could hardly stand up.”
$90,000 just to get drunk? Hah! What a loser Diddy is! I drank a 12-pack of Natural Ice alone in my room last Saturday night/Sunday morning and it only cost me $8.99. Winner: Me!*20 pics total in the gallery:
Diddy's son Justin's new Maybach
Diddy's son Justin had a pretty nice 16th birthday Saturday night. He got a sweater from his grandma, a $360,000 Maybach from his dad, and a . . . wait, what
? From Us Weekly
The teen received the wheels at a lavish bash Saturday night at M2 Ultralounge club in NYC. (Among the guests: Jersey Shore stars Paul "Pauly D" Delvecchio, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and rapper Lil' Kim.)
"I'm just ecstatic right now," Justin told UsMagazine.com at his party, which will be featured on an upcoming episode of MTV's My Super Sweet 16. "Words can't even describe how I feel. I'm so blessed and thankful for all of this."
Diddy's son is gonna be in for a real shock when he finds out his new set of wheels only gets 10 MPG. And don't even get me started on parallel parking that boat. My '87 Accord can squeeze into any space and gets 45 MPG when I roll the windows up and turn off the AC. Suck on that Justin! Who's the loser now, Mom and Dad!
Diddy out and about in West Hollywood
Diddy is not your average mogul. Instead of making a big deal out of his recent 40th birthday, he had a low key dinner in New York with a few underprivileged youth. Just kidding. He threw a $3 million party. From the New York Post
Sean "Diddy" Combs spent a whopping $3 million on his champagne-flooded 40th-birthday party at the Plaza for 500 guests. He created a fantasy Garden of Eden-themed room with a $30,000 orchid display, installed his own black dance floor and black chandelier and treated guests -- including Jay-Z, Bono, Nelly, Martha Stewart, Christy Turlington, Zac Posen, Kim Kardashian and Denzel Washington -- to a silver confetti-drop, courtesy of lighting wizard Bentley Meeker, and a performance by Al Green. Security was tight and even Tyrese Gibson and "Twilight's" Kellan Lutz had to talk their way into the VIP area. Rapper Fabolous flirted with Rachel Hunter after asking Diddy who the leggy beauty was, while DJ Cassidy was working his charms on Adrienne Bailon.
In related news, I bought a new suit and top hat for the bus driver of my favorite route, and now it almost feels like I have a personal chauffeur driving me around the city.
Diddy at Wet Republic at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas
Diddy treated a bunch of audience members like common criminals earlier this week at BET studios in New York after he accidentally flung his $20,000 ring into the crowd. From the New York Post
The rapper/producer, whose real name is Sean Combs, had security search all 160 audience members after filming wrapped on the BET music-video show "106 & Park" before they were allowed to leave.
The search came up empty.
"The craziest shit just happened to me lol I guess its shittin on me season . . . Enjoy it while it lasts!!!!! lol life is crazy!" Diddy posted on his Twitter page soon afterward.
It was not clear which of the rapper's rings disappeared at the CBS studios on West 57th Street, but a staffer told the audience it was worth $20,000.
"He ain't getting' it back," one witness said. "Someone pocketed that, and they probably took it to the nearest jeweler."
You know the economy's bad when Diddy makes a big deal about losing a $20k ring. Old Diddy used to wipe his ass with $20k rings. Sure they cut him up like nobody's business and he still can't ride mechanical bulls to this day, but what the hell else was he supposed to do with all that money he had? Give to charity? LOL!