Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly out and about in Seattle (8/16)
You want to know how many hot chicks Derek Jeter has banged over the past ten years or so? Find a copy of this year's
Maxim Hot 100. The end. From the
New York Post:
Are Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly ready to take the next step? "Derek and Minka are secretly engaged," an insider told Page Six. The Yankee captain and the actress are telling close pals to "save the date" for nuptials in the fall. "The wedding is being planned and will take place after baseball season is over," said our source.
Is there anything left for this guy to do to make me jealous? Win multiple World Series? Check. Sleep with every hot girl in Hollywood? Check. Become a multimillionaire? Check. I bet the only things I've ever done that he hasn't are ask my parents for money and pee standing up. Don't tell Derek this, but the real joke's on him. I have a doll made almost entirely out of Sandra Bernhard's hair. Top that sucka!
Derek Jeter's banging Minka Kelly
Jessica Biel? Check. Scarlett Johansson? Check. Jordana Brewster? Check. Mariah Carey? Check. Miss Universe Lara Dutta? Check. Gabrielle Union? Check. Jessica Alba? Check. Adriana Lima? Check. Vanessa Minnillo? Check. And now Derek Jeter can add Minka Kelly to the list. The two were seen having dinner together Monday night in New York. The New York Post says:
Was the mystery guy spotted slinking around the Empire Hotel with smoldering starlet Minka Kelly Yankee star Derek Jeter? Though Kelly's publicist put the kibosh on our query about a male suitor at the Empire (the rep told Page Six Kelly's dad was the only guy with her in the hotel), OK! magazine reports the "Friday Night Lights" actress was wined and dined at Kobe Club by Jeter on Monday. "She's still playing the field," one source told us. (Source)
Now Jeter's landed Minka Kelly? Christ, this guy's been in more poon than Kotex. The only explanation I can come up with for the amount of hot chicks this guy's banged over the years is that his dick must play Sex and the City* re-runs on it. BTW, if Minka's "playing the field", she's the only one right now. Jeter injured his wrist this week and has been shelved. On a related note, I injured my wrist this week too . . . thinking of all the hot ass he's tapped.
*Opening May 30th! I can't wait, can you?!!!!!1!!1!
Are things cooling down between Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel? According to the New York Post, the two have been doing some very public flirting with other celebrities lately:
Last weekend, Biel flirted with Justin Timberlake while Jeter was at Atlantis in the Bahamas for the Michael Jordan Golf Tournament, where Biel seemed to be the last thing on his mind. Saturday night, Jeter was "flirting madly" with Gabrielle Union, our source said. When DJ Cassidy played "Put It in Your Mouth" by Akinyle, Jeter and Union dirty-danced before leaving together.
I've said before and I'll say it again: Derek Jeter is God. He's plowed through so much unbelievably fine ass that he gets a lifetime free pass from me. He could start nailing a dude tomorrow and I'd be like "I'll tell ya' what--that Derek Jeter has great taste in men." Hell, he could start dating a first-aid kit and I'd praise him for being so safe and practical.
Being surrounded by all those Puerto Rican ballplayers has finally worn off on Derek Jeter. According to Us weekly magazine, he and Jessica Biel rang in the new year in ... San Juan. Looking fit and tan as usual, the couple
bonded over days of volleyball and yacht-cruising, then cozied up in a $1,400-a-night Cliffside villa, complete with personal butler.
Spending your time with Jessica Biel playing "days of volleyball" and "yacht cruising" sounds like a load of bull to me. According to a much more accurate report by the butler, what they were doing could generally be classified as "having sex all day, and then passing out on the beach. Then more sex."
New celebrity couple Derek Jeter and Jessica Biel sparked outrage with their very public display of affection at an art museum in Los Angeles. The actress and the New York Yankees star were checking out the Holy Image, Hallowed Ground: Icons From Sinai exhibition at the Getty Museum when things got a little out of hand:
One eyewitness tells the National Enquirer, "It was shocking. They were making out on a veranda in full view of everyone, including several Orthodox Jewish families who'd come to see the religious artifacts." The upset witness even claims security staff had to interrupt the loved-up couple and ask them to cool it.
Honestly, I don’t see what the problem is. Jessica Biel should be allowed to make out wherever the hell she wants (church, funerals, etc.)—as long as I can watch—and have my pants around my ankles. Now if it was Star Jones and her husband making out at the art gallery, that’s another issue. Security guards could turn a fire hose on those two and I’d be okay with it.
Is Derek Jeter nailing Jessica Biel? According to the New York Post, Jeter and Esquire Magazine's "Sexiest Woman Alive 2005" were seen at L.A. hotspot Hyde on Tuesday night:
According to our spy, the couple were huddled in a corner of hot club Hyde, "laughing and giggling together." At one point, Jessica went to the restroom and three girls quickly scurried over to chat with Jeter. But as soon as Biel returned, he put all his attention on her. The two left together.
You know how people say, when they die, they want to be come back as something lame like an oak tree or a unicorn? Well screw that, I want to be reincarnated as Derek Jeter's junk. Just look at some of the ass he's getting. In the last year, he goes from Vanessa Minnillo to Jessica Biel--two women I masturbate to on a routine basis. I feel like someone should making a bronze likeness of his penis so future generations can enjoy it. We'll put it in a park somewhere, put a few benches around it, maybe a duck pond. It'll be nice.
