Derek Jeter

Minka Kelly is rather pretty

Derek Jeter can't quit Minka Kelly and her spectacular vagina, which is no doubt made of flower petals.  After splitting up in August, the two were spotted over the holidays in Paris. How cliched. From the New York Post:

The couple are staying separately in Paris, according to a spy who has seen Kelly alone and with a female friend numerous times at a central Paris hotel since [last] Wednesday. Jeter and a male friend joined Minka at the hotel yesterday. Spies said she was waiting to greet him in the lobby, in a peach-colored top and jeans, with her female friend.

"She looked really excited to see him," our source said. "They didn’t kiss romantically . . . It was more of a hello hug."

The previous day, they were spotted browsing art at Le Musée d’Orsay. According to another spy in the gift shop, "They weren’t holding hands, but they were obviously together."

Well looky here, I think the captain of the New York Yankees reads Celebslam, and who could blame him? DJ (that's what I call him) was fine and dandy after the break-up until Minka showed up as #9 on the "The Top 11 Celebrities Santa Wants to Sit on His Lap This Year" list. All of a sudden, she's hot property and Derek is just another Yankee. See? That what we do here. Celebslam turns pretty good-looking people into super duper stars. Just ask Lindsay Lohan.

*6 Minka Kelly pictures total in the gallery:

Mmmmm, legs

As you may have heard, Minka Kelly broke up with her boyfriend Derek Jeter a few weeks ago (in case you hadn't heard: Minka Kelly broke up with her boyfriend Derek Jeter a few weeks ago). Luckily for her Charlie's Angels co-star Ramon Rodriguez, Minka's a big fan of rebound sex. People says:

While female Yankee fans are buzzing about Derek Jeter's new single status, sources on the set of Charlie's Angels in Miami are talking about a growing late-night friendship between his ex Minka Kelly and her costar Ramon Rodriguez.

"We have seen Minka and Ramon talking in his trailer way after hours, and often late into the night," a source on the set tells PEOPLE. "They have been together long after they need to be for the show."

Kelly, 31, had been dating Jeter, 37, for the past three years with annual talk about an impending lavish wedding. It wasn't meant to be however, with the couple announcing their split Thursday, and a source telling PEOPLE they still "care about each other and … are still friends."

Wow, what a shock -- one of the hottest chicks in the world was somehow able to find a new guy right after a break-up. Next we'll find out that dudes with huge penises run gossip blogs -- as if everyone didn't know that already, too. No, the only way this would have been news is if Jeter's ex were dating someone out of left field -- like Carl Crawford from the Red Sox.

*24 Minka Kelly pictures total in the gallery:

Derek Jeter is rich, bitch

Instead of building a new 31,000 square-foot waterfront home on Davis Island in Florida, he could only afford 30,875 square feet (pic here). What a loser! From the New York Post:

Derek Jeter celebrated Thanksgiving by showing girlfriend Minka Kelly around the palatial home he's building in Tampa, Fla. The Yankee hero gave the stunning actress and his parents a tour of his 30,875-square- foot, seven-bedroom, nine-bathroom waterfront home on Davis Island. His dad, Dr. Charles Jeter, and his mother, Dorothy, were spotted checking out the property's 6-foot-tall "privacy" fence, which will keep prying eyes away.

Construction on the house, dubbed "St. Jetersburg" by locals, is expected to be finished next summer. What will be Tampa's biggest mansion, comprising two stories built over three lots, will boast a pair of three-car garages and entertainment, billiard and memorabilia rooms.

A spy said: "He was proudly showing off his new house to Minka and his parents. It's so big, they could all have a wing each.With the construction workers off for Thanksgiving, it was the perfect time to have a look at the house, plan with Minka how it will be decorated and what furniture they need. But they're going need a lot of furniture to fill it."

If I were dating Minka Kelly, I wouldn't need "a lot of furniture to fill" my 30,000 square-foot mansion. I'd just need a king size bed and a closet full of lube and muzzles. Now, some people might be jealous of Derek's wealth, fame, and Rolodex of beautiful women -- but not me. Why? Because I know something he'll never know: what a hearty Thanksgiving meal of Top Ramen and mayonnaise tastes like. Mmmm, poverty.

Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly out and about in Seattle (8/16)

You want to know how many hot chicks Derek Jeter has banged over the past ten years or so? Find a copy of this year's Maxim Hot 100. The end. From the New York Post:

Are Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly ready to take the next step? "Derek and Minka are secretly engaged," an insider told Page Six. The Yankee captain and the actress are telling close pals to "save the date" for nuptials in the fall. "The wedding is being planned and will take place after baseball season is over," said our source.

Is there anything left for this guy to do to make me jealous? Win multiple World Series? Check. Sleep with every hot girl in Hollywood? Check. Become a multimillionaire? Check. I bet the only things I've ever done that he hasn't are ask my parents for money and pee standing up. Don't tell Derek this, but the real joke's on him. I have a doll made almost entirely out of Sandra Bernhard's hair. Top that sucka!