Demi Moore

Zac Efron arriving at the Staples Center in L.A. (1/10)

For the past month or so, there's been a rumor that Demi Moore has become obsessed with Zac Efron. I don't know, maybe she figures a guy fresh out of high school won't burn her like her ex-husband Ashton. While not commenting on the rumors, Zac said earlier this week that he hopes she's doing well. OMG, he talked about her! -- Demi just bought ten more High School Musical posters. From the New York Post:

"Me and Rumer have been friends for a long time. I know Demi is going through her own personal stuff right now. I just wish her well. I hope she's doing OK," Efron told "Extra." He adds, "Rumer's doing great. I talked to her on the phone. It's got it ups and downs, but she's doing OK."

Efron's name has popped up multiple times in reports following Moore's hospitalization and subsequent announcement that she had "chosen to seek professional assistance" to help treat her "exhaustion" and cope with the "stresses in her life." Us Weekly reported that Moore had tagged along with Willis, Efron and several friends for a post-holidays trip to Turks and Caicos and that Efron and Moore were later seen talking at a party in Los Angeles. A source even told the magazine that Moore had been in pursuit of Efron, following her split from Ashton Kutcher after six years of marriage.

"She calls him and texts him a lot, but he's not interested at all," the source alleged.

"Zac isn't interested." Sure Zac, sure. You're not interested in what Demi Moore's vagina does for careers? Uh huh, right. Your tagline is still "starred in High School Musical." Laying the pipe to Demi Moore is more valuable than all "leaked" sex videos, DWI busts, and public meltdowns that have ever happened combined. Remember the Brat Pack? They were the IT clique until they got froggy and jumped out of Demi's snatchatorium. Bruce Willis was a wine cooler salesman, then he got the Die Hard franchise -- thank you Demi. Last and definitely least is Ashton Kutcher, who should've been sorting nails at Home Depot but he hooked up with with the King-maker right before the career tailspin could take hold. Zac, do yourself a favor and start raw dogging the old hag before the latest crop of Disney kids get their balls to drop.

*15 Zac Efron pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore checks into rehab

After her much-publicized breakdown/overdose a few weeks ago, Demi Moore checked into the Cirque Lodge addiction treatment center in Utah last week, which totally ruined that Super Bowl kegger she was gonna throw in her backyard yesterday for a bunch of local high school kids. A source told E!:

"She's on total lockdown and only talking to a small group of people ... It became clear to her that her way of coping with her stress was not working and she needed more help."

As we previously reported, Moore had been consulting with an intuitive healer and psychic medium.

Wait a minute, you're telling me the intuitive healer and psychic medium didn't work? I find that a little hard to believe. Just last year I went to an intuitive healer to get rid of my ovarian cancer. And do I have ovarian cancer today? It turns out that guys can't actually get that, but no, no I don't. Thanks intuitive healer!

*11 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore is full of shit

Demi Moore is trying to spin her breakdown as a good thing because it will allow her to grow as a person. Hey, here's an idea if you want to grow as a person. STOP DOING WHIPPETS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT 15. A source told People:

"Ego-wise, this is the worst thing that could happen to Demi, because she's such a private person. She's embarrassed."

But Kabbalah, the form of Jewish mysticism that Moore has long studied, instructs that adversity can ultimately prove beneficial, according to an insider. Moore's troubles "can be an opportunity, a blessing, and not a curse," says the insider. "The right intervention happened in her life. From a spiritual sense, it is a gift. She has a real opportunity to grow from it. She has to take responsibility for her life."

If Kabbalah teachings are correct, Demi Moore's comeback is gonna be epic. If we at Celebslam are right, Demi will be headlining the next season of Celebrity Rehab, crying in Dr. Drew's arms and offering to blow him if he just lets her out "for a few hours." Now given our track record, which horse are you laying your money down on? What's Kabbalah gonna do for Demi, anyways? Sure they have some dumb spells, but hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. And by blaster, I mean poppers. Demi knows the only peace of mind she'll find can only come from the sweet sweet release of a whipped cream can shooting nitrous into her nasal passages.

*8 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore at the Cinema for Peace benefit at The Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills (1/14)

Paramedics rushed to Demi Moore's home on Monday night after a 911 call was placed; after a short evaluation, the actress was taken to the hospital. Of course Demi's rep is trying to spin this as a positive thing:

"Because of the stresses in her life right now, Demi has chosen to seek professional assistance to treat her exhaustion and improve her overall health. She looks forward to getting well and is grateful for the support of her family and friends."

Oh yes exhaustion. Of course. How foolish of us all not to realize how tired Demi must be right now. If only there was something that could make her all better, a "sleep-like" cure if you will.

Obviously Demi's rep is full of shit. TMZ says the real reason she was rushed to the hospital is drugs:

Sources tell us she is being placed in a facility to "seek further professional assistance." Our sources say the treatment is for substance abuse.

Wow, this is actually kinda pathetic. Yes, Ashton Kutcher cheated on you. So what. Deal with it. Go hike a mountain. Buy one of those stress balls. Anything but drugs. Personally, when I'm feeling stressed, I like to give back to the local community. Put in some hours at the soup kitchen. Organize a recycling drive. Tutor underprivileged kids. There's just something so satisfying about helping out those less fortunate than you. Plus, there's this homeless guy at the soup kitchen that always hooks me up with coke that I turn around and sell to the underprivileged kids. Woo hoo! New iPhone, baby!

*15 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Ashton Kutcher leaving Chevron on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood (11/29)

Ashton Kutcher had a recent awkward run-in at a restaurant with Demi Moore. Let me guess, she caught him fucking a waitress in the ladies room? From Us Weekly:

[Demi] Moore, 49, dined at a West Hollywood private members' club with a male companion [in early December]; "it didn't look romantic at all," a fellow diner tells Us Weekly. Mid-dinner, the Margin Call actress spotted future ex-husband [Ashton] Kutcher, 33, on the opposite side of the patio!

"She approached his table," says the witness, adding that the Two and a Half Men star was with four friends. "He gave her a hug, and they spoke for a few minutes," the observers days, adding that the couple, who called it quits last month after Kutcher's September fling with Sara Leal came to light, had a "polite" chat. Despite the cordial overtures, the source describes the scene as "very awkward."

Am I getting punk'd? I have to ask because Demi and Ashton's entire relationship was awkward. Every time they were on TV, I was waiting for a cut to Ashton wearing a ridiculous trucker hat making dumb-ass faces at the camera, telling us that we done been had, y'all. Oh, and I don't think this is awkward, but it is infuriating: everyone keeps calling Ashton Kutcher a star. Ashton is a lot of things (insecure douchebag comes to mind), but "star" isn't among them. Now that Charlie Sheen fella, that's a star. Whatever happened to him?

*15 Ashton Kutcher pictures total in the gallery:

Ashton Kutcher is a dick

No shock here, but Ashton Kutcher's former stepdaughters Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah Willis all hate him now for cheating on their mom. Welcome to life, kids. An insider told Mike Walker:

"When news surfaced a year ago that Ashton had been unfaithful, the girls refused to believe it. But when the scandal resurfaced, his 'daughters' confronted 'Dad' for the truth - but Ashton LIED to them, flatly denying he'd cheated. Even though he's been in the girls' lives for more than eight years, and had hoped to continue being the girls' 'second dad,' they now want NOTHING to do with him. He's tried numerous times to contact them, but they refuse to respond."

Oh no, these girls feel so betrayed by someone that was in their lives for a whole "eight years." How will they ever cope? Newsflash Rumor, Scout and Tullulah: the world is full of disappointments and injustices -- just look at your first names. The bottom line is that these three should be more upset with their real dad, Bruce Willis. I mean seriously, did they even see Cop Out (2010)?

*15 Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore is out for blood

Meant to write about this last week, but I ended up having way too much [Wild] Turkey on Thursday. Demi Moore wants to financially punish Ashton Kutcher for his philandering ways. Ohhh ohhh, she should leave all the lights on at their mansion! The electric bill would be sky high! From the Daily Mail:

Demi Moore is determined to grab a slice of Ashton Kutcher's $140 million fortune -- in revenge for the betrayal that led her to seek a divorce.

Wait, what? $140 million? Have I been asleep the past few years? When did that happen?

"With a pre-nuptial agreement, Ashton should be sitting pretty,"  a source close to Miss Moore's entourage told The Mail [last week]. "These agreements are designed to protect one's earnings during the marriage as well as one's pre-nuptial assets.

"But Demi is furious, raging in fact -- you only have to look at every photo you see of her to see the toll Ashton's cheating has taken on her. She wants to punish him financially because of the way he has broken her heart. She is talking about going after a share of what he has earned since their marriage on the grounds that she contributed to much of what he has achieved. She is going to give him a bitter fight and, whether or not she wins, it will be an expensive lesson for him."

Fellas, this is why you should never get married. You work and work and work and one day you "accidentally" stick your dick into one or ninety bimbos and, for some reason, your insane wife becomes determined to take you to the cleaners. It's just not fair I tell you. Listen, if you want to have your cake and eat it too, you've got to treat your wife like Tom Cruise and John Travolta do -- by paying them off.

*21 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore in St. Barts earlier this year

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore went down to the Turks & Caicos earlier this month to fix their broken marriage, but then the bitch had the nerve to ask if he'd ever cheat again. WTF? Mind your own business. From the Chicago Sun Times:

A longtime Hollywood friend of Moore’s told me Thursday that the “ultimate deal-breaker was Ashton’s inability to 100 percent promise he wouldn’t stray again.” Apparently, despite outward appearances of cheerfulness exhibited by the couple during a Caribbean retreat last weekend to the Turks & Caicos vacation home of Moore’s ex-husband, Bruce Willis, the duo actually escaped to the private compound to hammer out details on ending their marriage.

You've got to give Ashton a little credit here. At least he didn't lie to Demi's face and tell her that he'd never bang another college girl. Blatantly lying about something sexual in nature to someone that you supposedly care for would take an incredible amount of heartlessness . . . just ask Tom Cruise ("I swear Katie, those assless chaps were part of an old Halloween costume!"). Besides, we all know Ashton would never have been able to pull off a lie to Demi -- that would take an actual ability to act.

*28 Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore divorcing Ashton Kutcher

We finally have our answer as to whether Demi Moore has it in her heart to forgive Ashton Kutcher for banging some prime college girl ass on the night on their anniversary in September. The answer is "No." She's divorcing him. She just said in a statement:

"It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.

"This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation."

Wow, Thanksgiving is gonna be REALLY awkward this year at Demi and Ashton's house. "Can you pass the gravy? And after that, fuck off."

If a 49-year-old mother of three can't make it with a 33-year-old guy who likes banging chicks roughly his stepdaughter's age, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Ashton's response on twitter (of course):

I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK

It's especially difficult when you fuck other chicks on your anniversary. I mean, jesus, I thought it was bad when I forgot to get my girlfriend flowers last year.

Jesus, eat a cheeseburger

"Love" will get Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher through the current marital difficulties they're facing . . . even though Ashton also "loves" sticking his dick into college girls. From the New York Post:

Ashton Kutcher, 33, and Demi Moore are carefully working through their problems in a bid to save their marriage following claims he romped with 23-year-old blonde Sara Leal in San Diego on his and Moore’s sixth wedding anniversary in August.

A friend told us, “They both want to work things out. They are doing a lot of talking and Kabbalah counseling. Despite all that has happened, when it comes down to it, they both really love each other.”

Moore looks thin and gaunt in recent pictures. The source told us, “It has been a painful time, but she’s holding up. While there are problems, they both want to fix things. She and Ashton need each other.”

Sorry Demi, love isn't going to save your marriage . . . but a time machine might. When you're almost 50, trying to compete with a 23-year-old is like trying to get Kim Kardashian to date a white guy: impossible. Demi might as well face the fact that if she really wants Ashton to stick with her, she's going to have to do something that no married woman has ever done before -- give a blowjob.

*31 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery: