Demi Moore

Demi Moore leaving Great Earth Vitamins in West Hollywood (2/11)

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's divorce just got messy. Even though Demi's worth more than Ashton, she wants spousal support. And she deserves it, too. Hell, anyone who's actually had to live with Ashton Kutcher deserves a lot more than money. Purple Heart, maybe? From TMZ:

Demi Moore has filed legal docs responding to Ashton Kutcher's divorce petition ... and get this -- she wants spousal support and she's worth WAAAAY more than him. Sources connected with Demi tell TMZ ... "She's got money up the wazoo" and has untold millions more than Ashton.  He's not asking her for spousal support, so it's surprising she's going for it.

What's more ... she wants Ashton to pay HER attorney's fees. Although there are reports that settlement negotiations have broken down, we're told it's not true -- both sides are negotiating and they expect a quick resolution.

I'm siding with Team Moore on this one. Back in 2005, Ashton had been contracted to sign autographs at a "Where Are They Now" convention/fish fry in Riverton, Utah when he was discovered by Demi. His was a future of endless VH1 cameos and car wash openings until Demi had the good grace to let Ashton finish inside her. Next thing you know, Ashton is a solid D-lister while Demi morphs from starmaker to paint-huffing Hollywood cougar. Ashton absolutely owes Demi 80% of his Two and a Half Men money, as well as half of whatever future earnings he might get from his movies skipping theaters and going directly to the Pakistani version of Netflix.

*15 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore out and about in Sherman Oaks (1/21)

Demi Moore continues to make bad decision after bad decision in her life. The latest? Sharing needles a bed with Russell Brand. From The Sun:

Demi Moore and Russell Brand have reportedly become "special friends" after bonding over yoga. Rumours are beginning to swirl that the pair are in a relationship following their date to the Stanley Kubrick exhibition in Los Angeles last week. It's claimed the single pair began meeting up before Christmas, having formed a friendship over their mutual love of the spiritual workout. They've grown so close, Russell is even teaching Demi some new maneuvers.

A source said: "Russell and Demi met through a mutual friend and really connected. They've got so much in common and Russell's been introducing her to all kinds of new yoga moves. He's also teaching her about meditation. Russell is a real charmer and she's enjoying hanging out with him ... They're both very spiritual people."

This is truly a sad thing to see. Demi let her addiction to poser cock destroy her public persona, and now she's speeding down that same road again with no brakes. Doesn't she know that Russell Brand is just the metric version of Ashton Kutcher? The only difference I can tell is that while Ashton is a soul-eating douche, Russell is a soul-eating douche who talks with an accent and drives on the wrong side of the road. Sure, a much classier fella but still a douche. Now if I find out that Ashton is shooting his yoga all over Katy Perry, I'll stick my head in the oven and set it to broil.

*10 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore leaving Starbucks in Miami (12/9)

Congrats Demi Moore: Your daughters pretty much hate you. Hey, at least you don't have to buy them anything for Christmas now. From the New York Daily News:

Following her well-publicized off-the-wall behavior during Miami's Art Basel, the small progress Demi Moore made patching things up with her daughters, Rumer, Scout and Tallulah, has come to a halt.

"Rumer is really the one making the decision to do this as the oldest ... Around the time Bruce [Willis]'s wife Emma (Heming) had the baby, it was this scary sense of, 'Demi went off her rocker again,'" says our source.

"Bruce is now very much out of the spotlight and the kids were very happy about that. They started feeling that Demi needs to stay home and be more of a mother. She checked into rehab and they'd always been pushing for her to do that. (But) After Art Basel, she came out partying and dancing on tables again."

The source adds that Demi's last boy toy, 26-year-old Vito Schnabel, runs in the same circles with Rumer Willis, and she was absolutely mortified about the fling.

"The kids are old enough to band together, Rumer being the ringleader," says the insider. Our insider says Moore is also harboring animosity toward her girls because she feels they took Kutcher's side after the split. According to our insider, "The family is very much divided."

Wow, the Willis girls just can't be pleased by mother dearest. Rumor and the other stupid-name sisters were upset when Demi laid down for a guy they clearly masturbated to, then they were upset when Captain Douchebag left the asylum. So what's a girl to do? Demi catches dudes the only way a 50-year-old knows how to: as the engine of the party train. The old bat has needs that only 20-something-year-olds can satisfy. Maybe if her daughters weren't so busy pleasuring themselves to That 70's Show reruns, they'd realize how selfish they've been.

*10 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore at the GEMS Benefit Gala in New York (10/18)

In Demi Moore's delusional mind, she's still hot shit. So I guess I can't fault her too much for trying to hook up with Leo DiCaprio, who of course shot her down like a North Vietnamese MiG over the Gulf on Tonkin. USA! USA! USA! From the National Enquirer:

"Demi is so lonely and hungry for love," a source revealed. "After all these years, she's romanticized what really amounted to just a fling [with Leo in 1997]. She's infatuated with the idea of her and Leo becoming Hollywood's hottest power couple. She's lonely and facing her 50th birthday this month, so she's looking to rejuvenate her love life and career."

According to the source, Demi has been spending more time in New York recently, where 37-year-old heartthrob Leo is filming "The Wolf of Wall Street." "Unfortunately for Demi, Leo is giving her the big-time blow off," continued the source. "He won't even get together with her for coffee!"

"Demi's dream is to find a young, successful guy who can help elevate her back to her past glory," added the source. "But she's barking up the wrong tree with Leo. He idolized her when he was in his 20s and fresh off the blockbuster success of Titanic, but now Leo thinks Demi is too old. He doesn't want to get tangled up in her messy life." (Print Edition - 11/12)

Oh Demi, don't do this. There's no need to degrade yourself. You were a decent actress for many years -- I'm sure there are plenty of sassy grandma rolls in Tyler Perry movies you can take to keep your lights on. You're not gonna get back with Mr. DiCaprio -- the man is simply too busy plowing his way through the world of modeling (just ask Erin Heatherton and Madalina Ghenea). At your age, he can't be expected to return your calls -- you're better off trying to get the rub from an actor of your same generation. I suggest a dignified gentleman like Morgan Freeman or the old guy that seems to be in every Adam Sandler film. Or maybe Abe Vigoda might give you a pity fuck, once we confirm that he's still alive.

*10 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore leaving her home in L.A. (10/21)

New York Knicks' point guard Baron Davis might be nailing Demi Moore. Which actually makes a lot of sense. Think about the great conversations they must have. "You used to be relevant? I used to be relevant, too!" From the New York Post:

Demi Moore has been spending time in town with former Knick Baron Davis, sparking some gossip that a romance could be in the offing. NBA star Davis, who is recovering from a knee injury and undergoing physical therapy in New York, was spotted dining with Moore and a group of friends at Meatpacking District hot spot Catch on Friday. Moore and Davis were also spotted at a late-night dinner with a few other friends last Wednesday at Ken & Cook in NoLIta. But sources tell us Demi, whose lawyers are still wrangling over the finances of the divorce settlement with Ashton Kutcher, and Davis are "just friends and know each other from Los Angeles, where he is from."

I can understand why Demi is doing this since her career is in shambles (even though she was a decent actress), but this isn't a path to success anymore. Getting plowed by black dudes hasn't been considered taboo for a while now -- civil rights pioneer Kim Kardashian made sure of that. In 1960, being seen in public with a brotha would've gotten a lady kicked out of Hollywood. Today getting peed on by one makes you an instant celebrity. BTW, if you read this Pulitzer piece and think it's racist, then you are probably racist. Deep, I know. Like Demi now.

*13 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Happier Douchier times

Things aren't exactly going smoothly in Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's divorce. Wait, Demi isn't still mad that Ashton fucked all those chicks in a hot tub, is she? I swear, she a memory like an elephant. From the New York Post:

Despite being separated for more than a year, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are still locked in a fierce private battle over the financial terms of their divorce settlement.

Sources tell us that lawyers for Kutcher, the highest-paid TV actor last year, and Moore "are trying to negotiate a settlement out of court and out of the public eye." But "they still haven't reached an agreement over money, because Ashton earned substantially more during the final years of their marriage, but he doesn't want to pay a large settlement."

And one source added that if they don't reach a private agreement, "the discussion could boil over into a public court battle."

I know we should never choose sides in a divorce, but consider me a member of Team Demi. I see Ashton as the leader of the army of self-aggrandizing shit-fucks who have reigned supreme since about 2000, so I hope she takes everything except his stupid trucker hats. Ashton was already "The Situation" back before Mike Sorrentino had even considered buying his first Ab Roller, so you'll have to pardon me for my lack of love for the cornball camera salesman. Maybe if Demi plays her cards right, she might find a new box of spray paint delivered to her home, compliments of the Home Depot. Huff, huff, pass.

*15 Demi and Ashton pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore arriving at the Sunset Tower Hotel in West Hollywood (9/19)

After being lost in the desert for three months, Demi Moore was finally rescued earlier this week, and went out for dinner in West Hollywood last night. Wait, what's that? She wasn't actually lost in the desert for three months? Are you . . . sure?

*6 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore finally moved on

Looks like Demi Moore finally moved on from Ashton Kutcher (wow, that sentence is really embarrassing). She's jumping the bones of New Zealand-born actor Martin Henderson, who's only 12 years younger than her. So that's a nice change of pace. From Life & Style:

Life & Style has obtained exclusive photos of the couple on a romantic Connecticut getaway. On July 19, Demi and Martin went to lunch at Nine Main Bakery and Deli in New Preston, Conn. "She was in line and a Colbie Caillat song came on -- she started singing along and dancing in a playful, flirty way," shares a fellow diner. "They were very comfortable with each other."

Three days earlier, they'd enjoyed a lobster dinner at a friend's house, followed by a two-hour hike at Steep Rock Preserve the next morning. Later that night, Demi and Martin, 37, joined pals for a casual outdoor barbecue. "They just kept chatting and laughing," reports a guest. "She looked great -- chatty, healthy and happy."

Hey, look who's back from the dead, it's Demi Moore! Great to see you back in circulation, kid, I thought you'd never get the Ashton stink out of your system. Yeah, I know, it took months of huffing refrigerator glossy white spray paint to get the taste of that loser out of your mouth, but you did it. Although next time, skip the paint and just swallow gallons of foreign goo -- that's the quickest way to get over mistake relationships. You're welcome.

*10 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Demi Moore on the set of Very Good Girls in Brooklyn (7/11)

Is Madonna gonna beat the living shit out of Demi Moore? Sure, why not. From the New York Post:

Demi Moore pulled a best-friend faux pas Sunday night. According to a source at the celeb-trendy restaurant The Lion in the West Village, the recently rehabbed actress dined with Madonna's ex-beau Alex Rodriguez and two other pals in the eatery's private area reserved for VIPs. Moore, who is so close to the singer that she has hosted Oscar after-parties with her Madgesty, stayed at the restaurant with the group until approximately 3 a.m. Although we hear A-Rod's lady-friend, Torrie Wilson, was not present at the Yankee slugger's side, a Rodriguez source says, "They're definitely still together." We're wondering what Madge has to say about Demi and A-Rod's bonding time, however.

Madonna has a problem with Demi? Fuck Madge! Who cares if that artificial-hip-waiting-to-happen doesn't endorse Demi's swooping in on A-Rod? She needs to understand that Demi's career bottomed out when she went into rehab for huffing paint. Hollywood tolerates many things such as drug and spousal abuse, racism, homophobia, tax evasion, communism, Sean Penn, socialism, and pedophiles, but one thing it will never accept are 50-year-old+ actresses. Demi's now a has-been looking to get off playing D-list Wheel of Penises. Let the girl have her fun.

*5 Demi Moore pictures total in the gallery:

Bruce Willis at his daughter Tallulah's graduation in L.A. (6/7)

No shock here, but Bruce Willis still pretty much wants to punch Ashton Kutcher in the face. And, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with those stupid trucker hats he used to wear. Bruce's ex, Demi Moore, is on the verge of another breakdown, and it's all Ashton's fault. A source told The Globe:

"[Demi] appears to have withdrawn from [her family] and they're concerned she's hiding something. They couldn't take it if she's bombing herself out on prescription drugs or drinking again."

Enter Ashton:

"When [Bruce and Demi's daughter] Tallulah said she'd like to have Ashton at her  graduation, that caused a huge row - with the three sisters wanting to know why couldn't they all get along?" says a friend.

Finally, Bruce said "if Ashton was going, he wasn't," the friend explains. "Bruce blames him for Demi's meltdown. The girls had no choice but to back down, but it really upset Demi they could be so insensitive."

I think I'll have to reevaluate my opinion on Ashton. Is he a popcorn fart that got lucky? Damn straight he is, but the evidence available proves that he's still a class ahead of the Kevin Federlines of the world. Demi and the Willis girls all have something missing inside them -- I'll assume it's either Ashton's eternal love or his man meat. I'm not too sure until my people gather up some more intel. Stay tuned, this should be a fun summer.

*16 Bruce Willis pictures total in the gallery: