David Beckham at the Hyundai Club Challenge in Sydney, Australia (11/27)
You know the old wives' tale that if you put your ear up to a shell you can hear the ocean? Well the same thing sorta applies to shirtless David Beckham pictures. Go ahead, try it, put your ear up to your computer monitor. You hear that? Shhhhhhhh. You hear it now? It's kind of a dull moan. That's Tom Cruise masturbating.
Soccer fight! Soccer fight!
Don't fuck with David Beckham. Because you might find yourself on the business end of a good ol' fashioned staredown. Jesse Marsch of Chivas USA learned the hard way last night after he tackled Beckham from behind. According to team doctors, Marsch was so shaken up by Beckahm, he might not be able to eat solid foods "for weeks."
... because his best bud, David Beckham, is moving to the United States soon. From People magazine:
The Cruises and the Beckhams are longtime pals, and Cruise and wife Katie Holmes recently helped their friends celebrate their final night in Spain before their move. How does Tom Cruise feel about David and Victoria Beckham's upcoming move to Los Angeles?"I'm very happy about that," he told People Thursday in Amsterdam. Asked if he thinks the soccer player and his wife will become big Hollywood stars, Cruise, 44, replied: "They already are." (Source)
"Happy" ... isn't that a bit of an understatement? I mean, have you seen Beckham's abs? And those biceps? Guy obviously works out. I bet Tom twirls his hair and giggles like a schoolgirl every time he thinks about him.
NOTE: I like to imagine Tom's personal notepad looking something like this:
David Beckham angered his wife Victoria the other night at Nobu in London. The two were sitting near former muscular tranny model Kelly Killoren Bensimon (above) and David simply couldn't keep his eyes off of her. According to a witness:
"Beckham was straining his neck to check Kelly out the entire time. Everyone at her table was commenting on it. Finally, Posh got up and left, and she barely ate anything."
No shit Victoria/Posh barely ate anything. You don't achieve a weight of 87 pounds by actually eating. Just like you don't achieve a reputation as a crime-fighting badass without taking out a motorcycle gang or two ... I lied, it was four.
David and Victoria Beckham are finding that Los Angeles real estate is rather pricey. The two have been looking for a home since Beckham's $250 million contract with the L.A. Galaxy was announced earlier this year. After first checking out Meg Ryan's old house, the two fell in love with a Beverly Hills mansion though they're little turned off by its £20 million price tag. A source told UK tabloid The Sun:
"When you think what David's deal was to move to LA Galaxy you would think this was a drop in the ocean for them. But they don't want to spend that much on a Hollywood house at the moment. They are careful with investments."The Lionsgate residence boasts a cinema, tennis courts and a two-story guest house which would have proved perfect to put up all their showbiz chums. (Source)
WTF? For £20 million the walls better be wallpapered with conflict diamonds and Picassos. And not those shitty ones Picasso painted in the 1920s where dude looked like he was high on acid. I’m talking about the pre-WW1 stuff. Wait, £20 million is roughly $2 billion right? I’m bad with exchange rates. And, according to my four girlfriends, commitment.
Sharon Stone was a busy women Sunday Night. After the Academy Awards, the star hosted an Elton John AIDS benefit auction. The event was a resounding success, raising millions of dollars for AIDS research. The least expensive item of the night, a private soccer lesson with $250 million man David Beckham, sold for a cool $70,000. One guest remarked:
"Guess it shows how much Americans care about soccer." (Source)
Typical Hollywood elite, bitching about someone spending "only" $70,000 on a soccer lesson with David Beckham. You want a free soccer lesson? How 'bout: don't play soccer. Seriously this isn't Europe. Here in America, we play real sports like fantasy football and NASCAR. That teenage son of yours you forced into AYSO soccer at age nine? He's gay. Seriously, ask him tonight at dinner. This has nothing whatsoever to do with this story, I just thought you should know.
More of David playing with his balls after the jump...
Whew! I was wondering when Italian fashion designer/burn victim Giorgio Armani would offer his opinion about David Beckham's new deal with the L.A. Galaxy. According to Armani:
"If reports (that the deal is worth $250 million) are true, then he has done the right thing. And I think he wants to be an actor, not a footballer. He is a very handsome man and his football career could be nearing an end. Also, look at this wife...I saw her at Tom Cruise's wedding and she is a very bubbly lady."
Bubbly lady? What the hell kind of compliment is that? That sounds like something your teacher would write on your third grade report card. Why not call her "handsome" or say she has "really great incisors?" Perhaps Armani meant to say her tits look like god damn bubbles. See, now that makes sense--he was probably misquoted. Sorry George.
The world's most famous soccer player, David Beckham, is moving to Los Angeles with celebrity wife Victoria. The reason? Not enough playing time in Madrid.
"After discussing several options with my family and my business advisers I have decided to join (the) L.A. Galaxy and play in the MLS (Major League Soccer) from August," Beckham said in a statement released on his behalf.
Sure, Beckham got a great contract ($250 million over five years), but I think the real winner here is me -- it looks like I'll have another slutty celeb running rampant in Hollywood to write about. How long until Posh is sighted at Hyde? It's only a matter of time before we get a pic of Posh doing a tequila bodyshot off of Lindsay's freckled ass. Maybe a crotch shot with Paris. Or even a pill popping session in the bathroom with Britney! God, English chicks are so classy.
British soccer star David Beckham is reportedly set to become "Sir David Beckham." Beckham, who already is the proud owner of an Order of the British Empire, faces a prestigious knighthood in honor of his services to soccer and his community work:
An insider tells British newspaper Daily Star, "The Beckhams are already showbiz royalty and now they look set to move a step closer to the real thing. It is widely believed Tony Blair will put David forward for a knighthood in the New Year list. He was a fantastic skipper and player for England and there's every chance he'll be back. He's also done a tremendous amount for children and the community."
Great Britain may think they're cool because they have knights, but do they have slip'n'slides and 24-hour restaurants that serve both chicken and waffles? I didn't think so. And I can almost guarantee you they don't have barber shops with witty names like "Cut above the Rest" and "Shear Pleasure." Being knighted isn't even that cool anymore after that Carrot Top debacle. That's SIR Carrot Top to you, thank you very much.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are hiring David Beckham to give their son private soccer lessons:
Maddox, five, has shown early promise after being enrolled in the David Beckham Soccer Academy in Los Angeles. Now Brad, 42, wants the ex-England captain, 31, to give his adopted son extra training. A source said: "Brad has asked if there is any chance of David giving a one-on-one tutorial." It is another master step by Becks and wife Victoria, 32, as they make more inroads into the Hollywood society. They are pals with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and are rumoured to want to move to LA when David retires.
Maddox has shown promise? Ummm......HE'S FIVE YEARS OLD! About the only promise he could show is to not take a shit in his diapers while he's running around the field. When I was a little boy, my kindergarten teacher told my mom I had academic promise. But that was only because I didn't eat as much paste as the other kids.
