Dane Cook

Dane Cook in Maui (8/31)

Like you, I'm just as confused as to why this woman would allow herself to be photographed in public with Dane Cook.

The only thing that makes sense is that she doesn't actually know who he is. Like maybe she just met him in the hotel bar and she thinks he's an accountant from Missouri. Or a child molester.

*49 Dane Cook pictures total in the gallery:

Dane Cook filming an interview at The Grove in Hollywood (10/18)

Almost two years ago, Dane Cook's brother/business manager was arrested for forging his name on a $3 million check. Turns out that was just the tip of the iceberg -- he stole a shitload more. And the Massachusetts attorney general wants him to repay it all back. Good luck with that. From the Boston Globe:

The Massachusetts attorney general's office has ordered comedian Dane Cook's half brother and sister-in-law to pay $12 million in restitution after they pleaded guilty to stealing from him.

Darryl and Erika McCauley of Wilmington were accused of embezzling millions from Cook while Darryl McCauley was working as Cook's business manager. Darryl McCauley was sentenced in October to five to six years in prison on charges including 27 counts of larceny. His wife was sentenced to 2 1/2 to three years in prison on charges including two counts of larceny.

A spokesman for Attorney General Martha Coakley told the Portsmouth Herald that the next step is for the court to tally the couple's assets. The couple bought a home in York Beach, Maine, and also invested in a hotel and restaurant there.

Holy shit, Dane Cook actually had $12 million for someone to steal? Wow, I had no idea not being funny could be so lucrative. It's like I'm trapped in some sort of bizarro world where up is down, left is right, and Dane Cook drives a Ferrari. What, if I go down to the liquor store, am I going to see Kirsten Dunst on the cover of Playboy? This is nuts.

*15 Dane Cook pictures total in the gallery:

Dane Cook struck out

Even the funniest and most clever comedians in the world have trouble picking up women at bars. In completely unrelated news, Dane Cook also has trouble picking up women at bars. From the National Enquirer:

Just because you've been on "American Idol" and hosted "Saturday Night Live" does not mean all women will worship you. That's what comic Dane Cook discovered at MyStudio in Hollywood on Sept. 7 when he tried out one line after another on a beautiful brunette. The "Good Luck Chuck" star was shot down by the young lovely, who rolled her eyes and told him sarcastically as she walked away: "OK, it was really nice talking to you." (Print Edition - 9/27)

Obviously this story is made up -- no woman would ever turn Dane Cook down tell Dane Cook it was "really nice" talking with him. Talking with that guy is like trying to have a conversation with a 7-year-old on Prozac -- but not nearly as entertaining. The sad thing for Dane is now that he's faded from the spotlight, he has to pick up women at bars the traditional way: by lying.

*6 Dane Cook pictures total in the gallery:

Dane Cook is not funny

PICTURED: Dane Cook leaving Toast Bakery Cafe in West Hollywood on Sunday, doing what he does best: making those around him fidget uncomfortably while not laughing.

*7 pictures total in the gallery:

Vanessa Hudgens at the Teen Choice Awards at the Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City (8/9)

37-year-old Dane Cook played the part of schoolyard bully to 20-year-old Vanessa Hudgens last night at the Teen Choice Awards. From RadarOnline:

Comic Dane Cook incurred the wrath of hundreds of teenagers after they booed his joke about Vanessa Hudgens latest nude photos.

Cook turned the air blue at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards in Los Angeles on Sunday by saying: “Vanessa Hudgens! - Girl you got to keep your clothes on!”

But the teen audience showed their support for the High School Musical pin-up by roundly booing the comic who was presenting the Choice Hottie Awards to Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox.

After his comment, Dane ran into Vanessa backstage, pushed her down, stole her lunch money, and then called her fat.

Dane Cook at the premiere of My Best Friend's Girl last year in Hollywood

Dane Cook got totally called out lat month in L.A. when he tried to cut to the front of the line to see the new Harry Potter movie. Ha ha ha, you dick. From the National Enquirer:

No laughs for funnyman Dane Cook as he tried to cut to the front of a long line outside the midnight showing of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"  at L.A.'s The Grove on July 14. When Cook was told to go to the back, he stormed off -- to the delight of the crowd. (Print Edition - 8/3)

If you're a guy that's going to cut in front of people who are in line to see a movie, make sure it's for one that's a little more manly than Harry Potter -- like The Hangover, Bruno, or Julie & Julia. Hopefully Dane's learned a valuable lesson from this whole experience and now knows that there are two places where he shouldn't be in front of the public -- in line and on stage.