Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo and Irina Shayk at the final match of the Madrid Masters in Spain earlier this year

Soccer star/metrosexual poster boy Cristiano Ronaldo is new to this whole email thing. A fan emailed him some sexy naked pictures of herself (boy if I had a nickel . . .) and he accidentally forwarded them to his entire address book. Including his commie girlfriend, Russian model Irina Shayk. Nyet! A source told The Mirror:

"Cristiano's phone has been buzzing with calls and emails from bewildered pals in the past few days. They have all been ringing and messaging to ask what the hell the email is about. And of course they all want to know more about the girl in the pictures.

"He's had to explain she is just a fan who had sent him some pictures and that he made a mistake by sending them on instead of removing them. He is embarrassed about the whole thing and is particularly mortified at passing the email on to Irina."

Actually, you can't really blame Ronaldo for making a mistake like this. It's safe to assume that he doesn't have too much experience with computers since he's probably never had to download porn in his life. If he's feeling horny, rather than light incense, bust out the Thousand Island dressing, and log onto bustymidgetclownhookers.com like a normal person, he just snaps his finger and a model suddenly knocks on his door. What an asshole.

*26 Cristiano Ronaldo pictures total in the gallery:

Don't laugh at the slippers . . . he's European

Soccer star Ronaldo gave an interview to The Sun about what it was like coring out Paris Hilton like an apple a few weeks ago. The two hooked up after meeting at My House nightclub in Hollywood. Ronaldo told the tabloid:

"She was a really cool girl and we had a great time talking. I am a young man and Paris a young lady, and us talking in a club is just what normal people our age do ... She lives thousands of miles away and is busy, and I am busy in Madrid so I am not sure if we will be able to see each other ... I am just making the most of the short summer I get."

What could Ronaldo have possibly talked to Paris about for so long at the club? The only things those two have in common are an affinity for hair products and attention. Besides, "talking" isn't the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Paris at a club. You're more likely to see her dry-humping, cheating, getting high, or permanently altering the appearance of more young men's genitals than a mohel.

Cristiano Ronaldo at the Beverly Hills Hotel (6/18)

My god, it's like looking into a mirror. I am so freaked out right now. I'm taking the rest of the day off.

Paris Hilton and Cristiano Ronaldo at My House nightclub in West Hollywood (6/10)

Even though he probably already deleted her phone number after he tapped that ass last week, Paris Hilton has grand plans for her and soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. From UK tabloid News of the World:

"We could be great together, you know. We're both so famous we'd become even bigger than David Beckham and Posh Spice. We're way hotter and younger than them anyway!" She was overheard at her sister Nicky's house, where the pair spent the night.

Afterwards Paris giggled to a friend: "I told him I'm going to move to Madrid to be with him. I promised."

The pal told us: "[Ex-boyfriend Doug Reinhardt] was just a washed-up reality TV star. All of a sudden there wasn't as much interest in Paris, and her appearance fees were cut dramatically. She was working like a dog to make the same amount of money as before. She knows if she wins over Ronaldo she'll be one of the hottest properties again."

I really don't see how this plan can fail whatsoever. It's foolproof. Because if there's one thing I know about 24-year-old multimillionaire athletes, it's that they're looking to settle down. By all means, Paris should sell her house in L.A and move to Madrid as soon as possible.

Paris Hilton leaving My Space nightclub in Hollywood (6/10)

Paris Hilton brought out the heavy guns -- her magic tits -- last night at Hollywood's My House nightclub, her first night out as a single woman in over four months. According to The Sun, Paris wasted no time taking advantage of her new freedom, hooking up with soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. A source told the tabloid:

"Cristiano and Paris were all over each other swapping spit the entire night! His table needed every waitress in the building to bring all the alcohol he was getting through to him. He spent in excess of $20,000 on champagne and drinks. He was having a great time."

The Portuguese star left the club with Paris at 3am and drove to Nicky's pad in West Hollywood. He was spotted leaving at 5am, sporting trademark grin.

Earlier this morning it was revealed that Ronaldo's team -- Manchester United -- sold him to Spain's Real Madrid for $131 million. Coincidence? I think not. I mean, would you want to play with a guy who fucked Paris Hilton? Every time he passed me the ball, I'd dive to get out of the way. "I ain't touching that."

UPDATE: Now with 100% more photographic evidence, courtesy of TMZ (click here)