Courtney Love

Mickey Rourke at the BAFTA Awards in London (2/8)

Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love are rumored to be . . . dating. *pukes in mouth* A source told the Mirror:

"Courtney has quite a crush on Mickey and finds him utterly compelling. They've known each other for years - she's stuck by him through the good times and the bad. Now he's back on the Hollywood A-list he's gone up another notch in the desirability stakes.

"Mickey texted Courtney totally out of the blue, around the time of the Golden Globes, asking to take her out for the night. They met up in secret and had an awesome evening. Let's just say they didn't stop at holding hands and a chaste peck on the cheek. They were supposed to hook up after the Elle bash and share a hotel suite. I think Courtney was banking on it. But Mickey was suffering from the BAFTAs the night before and appeared to be lapping up all the attention from women." (Source)

Can you imagine if these two ever reproduced? Their baby would look like Kuato from Total Recall. Besides, what's Mickey doing with Courtney Love anyway? After all of his recent success, he could be with tons of better-looking women like Rosie O'Connell, Amy Winehouse, or Clay Aiken. Of course, we all know what Courtney sees in Mickey: he reminds her of what her ex-husband looks like . . . now.

UPDATE: Mickey was asked by a paparazzo in New York last night if it was true that he was dating Courtney Love. He replied that he'd rather be on a deserted island with a gorilla. I think that means Courtney and him are on a break.

Madonna looks great

If Madonna kills herself within the next few days, I'm pretty sure it'll be because of this article. From the Chicago Sun Times:

I'm hearing Madonna is none too happy with Courtney Love for morphing herself to mirror the Material Mom's current look. Madonna was further irked when she heard Love was mistaken for her at least a half-dozen times this past week in several London clubs and one restaurant -- where the maitre d' gave Love a better table, thinking she was Madonna! (Source)

Wow. If I were Madonna, I'd be pretty pissed too. You know you're starting to look like crap if people are confusing you with Courtney Love. Unfortunately for Madonna, she's got only one option to end all the mistaken identity: light herself on fire. Of course there's one slight drawback to that idea: she'll be confused with Mickey Rourke.

Courtney Love leaving The Groucho Club in London (2/11)

Though she never reported the incident to police, Courtney Love is claiming to her friends that a group of gunmen stormed her home recently and demanded to talk to one of her "associates." What the hell is this, 24? A source told the National Enquirer:

"Courtney said she threw a major fit, ordered them to leave and threatened to call police. She claims there were about nine of them, and she thought they were private detective-types. One of them supposedly had a police radio and video monitoring equipment. And when one demanded to see Courtney's associate, he shoved a gun in her chest. The individual they wanted to speak to appeared and talked with the men, convincing them it was all a misunderstanding. The men drove off, but Courtney's been frightened for life." (Print Edition - 2/16)

The most likely explanation behind this whole episode is that Courtney Love hallucinated it while having a bad trip. Now think about that for a moment. How much smack would it take to make COURTNEY LOVE bug out? A pound? Two? A Ton? That chick's body is so immune to drugs, there's only one way she could get stoned at this point: if she broke a law in Afghanastan.

Courtney Love leaving The Groucho Club in London (2/10)

Sorry about the headline. I know it's kind of redundant. I mean, has Courtney Love ever not been drunk? Yes. When she was four.