Conor Kennedy

Taylor Swift leaving the Groucho Club in London (2/22)

Despite her denials, turns out that Taylor Swift did actually buy a house last summer near her boyfriend of a week or so Conor Kennedy, according to the real estate agent who just helped her sell it for $1 million more than she bought it for. Hah! Joke's on you, Taylor! Now we all know you're a tremendous businesswoman! From E!:

Despite being coy in Vanity Fair about buying the Hyannis Port, Mass., house near the Kennedy compound while dating Conor Kennedy last summer, realtor Bob Kinlin tells E! News that he did in fact sell the house to Swift. The chart-topping singer avoided answering the question during her interview for the mag, saying, "Apparently I buy houses near every boy I like."

But Kinlin, who sold the house last August to Swift, told us that the young singer snagged the Cape Code style, seven bedroom home for $4.8 million, in the name of the Ocean Drive LLC, registered to a Nashville manager Jesse P. Schaudies Jr. of Swift's 13 Management company. He also told us that Swift turned around and sold the property two weeks ago, making almost $1 million in profit after having the home for only seven months.

Down housing market? Says who? Taylor sold Chateau le Stalker and made a cool million, whereas I couldn't sell my '91 Buick Skylark on eBay without throwing in a complimentary handjob. That's a hell of an accomplishment in this day and age. Don't get me wrong, I'm not joining Team Swift anytime soon, but maybe I'll just try the shirt on to see how it fits.

*25 Taylor Swift pictures total in the gallery:

Taylor Swift outside The Ed Sullivan Theater in New York before her appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman (10/23)

Taylor Swift is no longer part of the Kennedy family circle. She dumped boyfriend Conor Kennedy. Wow, good job Taylor. Normally you have to get jumped out of the Kennedy family circle, like a gang. From Us Weekly:

After an intense couple months of dating, Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy have broken up, a close friend of the country singer confirms exclusively to Us Weekly.

"They quietly parted ways a while ago," the friend explains of the "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" crooner, 22, and the high school senior, 18. "It was just a distance thing. No hard feelings. They're fine."

But despite Swift's speedy summertime bond with her new man and his brood, the romance had to take a backseat to Swift's work duties.

"It's been over a month since they've even seen each other," the friend explains. "With her promotion for [new album] Red, she has no time off until the end of the year."

Let me guess: Taylor and her songwriters are gonna pen a little tune inspired by Conor and the Kennedys based on wedding crashing and getting plowed by two brothers? Or in other words, a country song. On a side note, I'm pretty sure I captured the essence of every country song ever written. Wedding crashing, cousin'-fuckin', and pickup trucks -- the only thing missing are giant belt buckles and no minorities. There's been too much of Taylor on TV this year and that's not even including Redneck MTV, or as others call it: Country Music Television. Now I don't know if Taylor jumped the shark yet, but she's definitely wearing water skis and the motorboat is gassed up and ready to hit the ramp.

*25 Taylor Swift pictures total in the gallery:

Taylor Swift filming her new music video in Paris (10/1)

There's a rumor floating around that Taylor Swift cheated on current boyfriend Conor Kenendy with his cousin Patrick Schwarzenegger (no relation to Arnold . . . oh wait, that's his son . . . I confused him with another Patrick Schwarzenegger). Not true, a "Kennedy source" told the New York Post:

A Star report today blares "Two-Timing Taylor" and claims she cheated on new love Conor Kennedy with his cousin Patrick Schwarzenegger. According to so-called "Kennedy family insiders, Star claimed, "Taylor was making out with Patrick all night" at a family event she attended "with Conor."

The magazine does not explain where or when the party took place, but says "Conor doesn't know but everyone else in the family does."

But Kennedy sources tell us the story is "categorically untrue" and that Taylor and Conor "are totally in love."

So what if she did? I know that Taylor has cultivated this "good girl" image ever since she was assaulted by Kanye West at the Grammys a few years ago, but there's no need for her to get defensive about her cheating ways. Taylor just needs to be careful about not being too visible with her adultery -- those Kennedys aren't known to be too gentle with two-timin' women. For example, never go swimming or golfing with a Kennedy after you've crossed them -- you never know if you might "drown" in two feet of water or get in the way of a long drive even though you're sitting in your bedroom. What, too much history?

*20 Taylor Swift pictures total in the gallery:

Taylor Swift in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts (8/12)

After leaving him for Nashville to go promote her new single "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" (that's really the name of the song), Taylor Swift paid for a private jet to go pick up her boyfriend Conor Kennedy from Hyannis Port. You too good to fly Southwest, punk? From the New York Post:

"Taylor missed Conor so much, she sent a plane for him a few days later. He's been with her ever since, and his family doesn't know when he will be back. Things have become so serious between them so fast that no one in Hyannis Port would be surprised if they eloped."

A Kennedy source told us that despite their still-brief romance, which they say started in July, Swift seems "totally in love with Conor. They are inseparable and are all over each other all the time. While his relatives really like Taylor, some feel their lovey-dovey behavior is cute while it has made others in the family feel a little uncomfortable."

It's time for a heart to heart with my female fans. Ladies, what am I doing wrong? I have twelve pack abs, fight forest fires, AND rescue kittens when I'm not writing poetry. What I don't do is smash women in the head with golf clubs; I don't leave them to drown in three feet of water; and I certainly don't share them with my friends -- yet Taylor Swift level ass eludes me. Is it the danger that gets you all hot and bothered? I'll start smackin' bitches around if it means a Country Music Awards juggernaut like Taylor will fall for me. Now if you don't mind, it's time for my bullfighting lesson.

*5 Taylor Swift pictures total in the gallery:

Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts (8/20)

This reminds me a lot of Wedding Crashers, with the part of Vince Vaughn being played by a chick who looks like a ghost from the '20s. From the Boston Herald:

Taylor Swift crashed the Kennedy wedding in Boston over the weekend and did not leave after being twice asked to do so, the mother of the bride, Victoria Gifford Kennedy, told the Track yesterday. A source at the hotel reported seeing Swift being asked to leave the Fairmont Copley Plaza hotel where Kyle Kennedy, the daughter of the late Michael Kennedy and Victoria Gifford Kennedy, was celebrating her marriage to Liam Kerr on Saturday.

"They texted me an hour before the wedding and asked if they could come," Vicki Kennedy said. "I responded with a very clear, 'Please do not come.' They came anyway. ... I personally went up to Ms. Swift, whose entrance distracted the entire event, politely introduced myself to her, and asked her as nicely as I could to leave. It was like talking to a ghost.

See, I'm not the only one who thinks that.

"She seemed to look right past me."

According to Vicki, Conor [Kennedy] was invited to the wedding, but he never RSVP'd. When she got a text asking if he and his new girlfriend [Taylor Swift] could come to the reception, the mother of the bride declined, because she didn't want the country superstar to detract from her daughter's big day.

Taylor, can't you take a hint? The blue bloods have spoken. America's royal family hath deemed thee beneath themselves (i.e. you're too famous to rape/drown/kill). Are you living every lame country tune you've ever written or you really aren't aware how pathetic you look? Honestly, I suggest you head for the hills before a Kennedy takes a shinin' to ya -- of course by "shinin'" I mean "golf club." They're being nice and just humiliating you through the media now, but pushing a Kennedy's buttons might eventually be grounds for a forced lobotomy.

*10 Taylor Swift pictures total in the gallery:

Taylor Swift dating Conor Kennedy

Taylor Swift is dating Robert F. Kennedy's grandson Conor, so prepare to hear some whiny ass song about him in six months when he dumps her. From Gossip Cop:

The pair spent last weekend at the Kennedy family compound in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts. We're told Swift first became friendly with the clan when Robert F. Kennedy's widow Ethel asked to meet her last year. The "You Belong With Me" singer later attended a documentary about Ethel at the Sundance Film Festival, along with Rory Kennedy, Ethel's youngest daughter. They all kept in touch, and Swift was invited to spend July 4th with the family in Hyannis Port.

Our insider says since then, the Grammy winner has begun seeing Conor, the 18-year-old son of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and the late Mary Richardson Kennedy. We're told the pair get along well.

It's apparent to me that Taylor is either a danger junkie or she doesn't know what the Kennedys do to their women. Personally, I'd rather walk through Courtney Love's living room wearing a suit made entirely of heroin than let a member of that clan take a shining to me. At least I have a shot of coming out of it alive.

BTW, I'm kidding, Team Kennedy, please don't sue me

*5 Taylor Swift pictures total in the gallery: