Apparently there's an ongoing war between Clay Aiken fans ("Claymates") over his sexuality. The infighting has gotten so bad that the "Official Fan Club Message Board" at clayonline.com had to shut down because of "extensive unrest and disrespect amongst members." A "Claynation" insider revealed:
"The war is between the batty members that are still clinging to their heterosexual fantasies of him and others that don't harbor such illusions." Aiken's sexuality has been a subject of speculation ever since several men came out publicly and said they'd met him in gay chat rooms and had relations with him. Aiken has always refused to discuss his inclinations. (Source)
I think this goes without saying but, Jesus H. Christ, this is the gayest fight in history ... yes even worse than that time my roommate and I got into it over whether we should watch Grey's Anatomy or Will & Grace. I slapped him. He slapped me. I pulled his hair. He pulled mine. I did one of those finger snap thingies. It was on.
Clay Aiken needs your help! The former American Idol runner-up is sick and tired of the rumors and speculation about his sex life being published in the tabloids. Naturally, he wants his fans to make up crazy shit about him (of course, it's so obvious!). Clay recently wrote on his blog:
"Come up with the most outlandish story you can that places me (either alone or with others close to me) in a really juicy, tawdry, scandalous, shameful story. Then, use any photos, videos, audio clips of me that you can find along with your favorite multimedia enhancing/'doctoring' program (like a Photoshop or a sound/video editor) to create your 'evidence'! Maybe you have 'pictures' of me being 'abducted by oversized turnips' or 'video' of me 'dancing with a three-legged gorilla.' Be creative!" (Source)
Because when I think of Clay Aiken being involved in a scandal, "oversized turnips" and "three-legged gorillas" are what immediately comes to mind. But it's usually in the context of "Wow Clay, I didn't think you were flexible nor gay enough to do the three-legged gorilla" or "Holy shit, did you see where Clay Aiken stuffed that oversized turnip?" Cavity humor, it's fantastic.
Clay Aiken addresses the rumors that he's gay in the upcoming edition of People Magazine:
"What do you say (to that question)? � It's like when I was 8. I remember something would get broken in the house, and Mom and Dad would call me in and say, 'Did you do this?' Well, it didn't matter what I said. The only thing they would believe was yes. � People are going to believe what they want. Just because I enjoy the taste of a man's penis doesn't mean I'm gay. If liking men is wrong, I don't want to know what's right."
Sorry, I accidentally added those last two lines. I'll help Clay out with this one: The next time someone accuses you of being gay, you throw them down on the ground and have sex with them. Repeatedly. When sufficiently tired, finish about half your cigarette, put the rest out on your tongue and shout "How gay am I now Mom and Dad?!?" before snapping a telephone pole in half and eating a brick. I doubt anyone would call you a "fag" if they saw you pull such a stunt. Might even help album sales. Really a win-win situation for all those involved.
A little later in the interview, Aiken talks about the possibility of kids in his future:
"I want to be a father so badly. I want (kids) one day. Not now. � I would love to adopt. There's an orphanage not too far from my house, and I've been up before with church. I always thought, 'What happens to those kids who have the potential to go to college but just can't afford it?' I've been thinking a lot lately about finding a way to pay for one of those kids to go to college."
The only way he wants kids is if it doesn't involve sticking his penis into a woman? That's not gay in the slightest bit. Seriously. Just move along folks. There's no story here.
