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Cisco Adler's mug shot

Rocker Cisco Adler was arrested in Fargo, North Dakota, yesterday after punching a bar employee in the nose during a fight. You know Cisco Adler as the guy that's tapped all sorts of Hollywood ass such as Mischa Barton, Kimberly Stewart, Lauren Conrad, and Paris Hilton. And he has huge balls (NSFW). From In-Forum (Your #1 source for North Dakota news and sizzling-hot Hollywood gossip!):

Authorities were called to The Hub about 12:24 a.m. with a report of 15 people brawling and fighting security and management on the northeast corner of the building, according to police dispatch logs. Police arrived to find several people scuffling, Fargo police Lt. Pat Claus said. Witnesses told police Adler had gotten into a disagreement with another male at the club. As he was being escorted out of the club, he allegedly punched an employee in the nose, Claus said.

Adler, 30, was arrested on suspicion of simple assault and booked into the Cass County Jail. There were no problems with the arrest, Claus said, adding the employee made a citizen’s arrest before police arrived. Adler was released from jail at 1:26 a.m. after posting $500 cash bail, according to jail officials. (Source)

What a huge blow to Cisco's career. It's gonna be difficult recovering from this embarrassment. I mean, a gig in North Dakota? I didn't even know that place was real. I always just assumed people were joking.

[STORY via Dlisted]

Paris Hilton was seen making out with Cisco Adler last night at Guy's in Hollywood. In addition to being Mischa Barton's ex-boyfriend and Kimberly Stewart's ex-fiancé, Cisco is famous for literally having the biggest balls in Hollywood ( very NSFW pic here). But enough about him, let's talk about Paris. Is their anyone this bitch won't hook up with? I could spray my dog with cologne and leave him on Paris' doorstep and I guarantee you he would at least get blown.

NOTE: It was karaoke night at Guy's. Ex-cons drink free!

Fresh off his break up with Mischa Barton, Cisco Adler may be back with ex-girlfriend Kimberly Stewart. The two were seen partying together at a "relive your college days" theme party thrown by Details magazine in New York City over the weekend. A New York Post "spy" reveals:

Stewart and the Whitestarr frontman "looked totally cozy, just like in the old days," says our spy. As you'll remember, Kimberly, daughter of Rod Stewart, got a tattoo reading, "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Cisco." After their breakup, she changed it to say, "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco." (Source)

If I could pass on one piece of advice to all my young readers, it's this: for God's sake don't get a tattoo of your girlfriend/boyfriend's name anywhere on your body. I made the mistake a few years ago when I was dating this girl named Kelly. I got this dragon tattoo that kinda looked like her name if you tilted your head to just the right angle and squinted your eyes. It was such a pain in the ass when we broke up. You know how hard it is to change a dragon tattoo into a "Kelly is a Stupid Bitch" tattoo? It was worth the trouble though, I think it came out really classy.*

*no, no it didn't

A few conflicting reports have been published about Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler's relationship status. Since I absolutely adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture is here). According to a source:

"They had a blowup. She was furious." (Source)

Cisco's rep is claiming the report simply isn't true:

"They are fine - very happy together."

Adler adds (I've always wanted to say that):

"Mischa wasn't too excited, to say the least. I think it was actually worse for her than for me in some ways. So yeah, I'm gonna try to keep my pants on from now on."

I knew a picture wouldn't be the thing to finally cause a break up between these two has-beens. My moneys on Cisco's aversion to showering or the fact that I'm pretty sure he asked me for a quarter when I was walking out of the liquor store this morning. A picture LOL. That's like Eva Braun dumping Hitler because of his constant cussing. Is Nazi humor ever not funny? I say no.

UPDATE: Mischa Barton's rep confirmed today that her client and boyfriend Cisco Adler did in fact break up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go shoot myself in the head. (Source)

adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture adore both of them, I felt it was my duty to clear it up. Us Magazine is claiming that Mischa dumped Cisco after a nude picture of him was found among Paris Hilton's infamous storage locker possessions (if you hate yourself the picture

Rod Stewart gave his daughter Kimberly some sage advice when she was asked to tour with Cisco Adler's rock band Whitestarr: get your own hotel room and a return flight ticket. The blonde socialite was asked to accompany her pals on tour and went to her dad to ask him if he thought it was a good idea.

Rod tells men's magazine Blender, "I said, 'That's OK, darling. But make sure you get your own room and a return flight. You don't want to end up sharing a bed with someone you don't know.'"

Uhhhh, he is talking about Kimberly Stewart right? The only person who'll be sharing a bed with her is someone who's blind or that just lost a bet. Or even better, a blind man that just lost a bet. Blind kids are the easiest marks. Money in the bank!

If you hate dumb puns, don't read this article from The Sun about Cisco and Mischa's day at the carnival:

MISCHA BARTON enjoyed all the fun of the fair when she spent a day out with her fella Cisco Adler. The couple clearly weren't coconut shy about their love as they strolled at the fair in Malibu, California. And the 20-year-old OC star was thrilled after her man won her not one but two cuddly toys. Cisco fronts rock band Whitestarr but clearly isn't bothered by showing his soft side. And sexy Mischa obviously thinks his display of affection if fine and candy floss.

Judging by his shifty appearance, Cisco Adler clearly looks at home at the carnival. If I happened upon Cisco at the carnival I wouldn't know whether to take his picture or call him Carny-Joe and give him a dollar for a try at tossing a ball into his peach basket (that novelty stuffed elephant is mine dammit!).