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Cindy Margolis is a skank

Cindy Margolis

Cindy Margolis at the "Win a Date with Cindy" party at the Playboy Mansion in L.A. (8/9)

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Cindy Margolis has boobs

Cindy Margolis at the opening of the 40/40 club in Las Vegas (12/31)

I know Cindy's trying to be sexy but I'm a little freaked out--her boobs look like they're made of wax. It might just be me though. I haven't been the same since "the incident" at Madame Tussauds when I was five . . . like I was supposed to know Rambo's wax figure would be anatomically correct. To this day I can't eat a kielbasa without breaking down in tears.

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Cindy Margolis likes sex

Cindy Margolis

If you've always wanted to know the intimate details of how Cindy Margolis became pregnant in 2002, today's your lucky day! The model is publishing a book on the trials and tribulations she went through with husband Guy Starkman to conceive. The couple tried everything imaginable including psychics, candles, faith healers, priests, rabbis, and fertility specialists. In Having a Baby . . . When the Old-Fashioned Way Isn't Working, Cindy details a two-week stretch of her efforts:

"[We] had two weeks of the most amazing, nonstop sex you could imagine . . . in the hotel room, on the balcony, in the hallway. We had sex on the beach, sex in the ocean, on a beach chair, in our cabana, in the woods, around the coral reef, while swimming with the dolphins, on a swing, in a tree, behind the swim-up bar . . . romantic sex, hot sex, steamy sex, drunk-on-our-love sex, passionate sex, not-so-passionate sex . . . sex in the bathtub, sex in the pool, and even under the snack bar!" (Source)

Now I know she must really have kids on her mind--she's quoting Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham! If Cindy really wanted to get pregnant, here are a couple of things she should have kept in mind: 1) Menopause is God's birth control, 2) Ask Jamie Lynne Spears how she did it, 3) Pregnancies result from VAGINAL intercourse!

PICS: Cindy Margolis signing copies of Playboy at Virgin Megastore in New York (11/7/06)

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Cindy Margolis Playboy Magazine Cover

Looks like Cindy Margolis finally relented to my constant bedtime badgering and posed for Playboy. I told you Cindy, I TOLD YOU MY WILL WOULD BREAK YOU. Now get your ass back into bed, I'm not done with you…raaaarrrrrrrr