Christina Aguilera

Uh oh, she sees something fried

Christina Aguilera took a real ass-pounding on the sale of her Hollywood Hills home last week. Not literally of course . . . unless real estate has gotten way kinkier since the last time I bought a house. From Contact Music:

Singer Christina Aguilera has finally sold her California mansion, at a loss of more than $300,000 [probably closer to $500,000 when you factor in commissions]. The Grammy winner purchased the Hollywood Hills home for $5 million in 2003, and poured thousands into extensive remodelling projects. She put it back on the market in April 2008 with a listing price of $7.9 million - but now she's sold the house for just $4.65 million. The Sunset Strip estate features four bedrooms and seven bathrooms, as well as a spa, recording studio and pool.

Christina lost $500k on the sale of her house? Oh no, now she'll have to work an extra half an hour on The Voice. Losing that kind of money is just a drop in the bucket for her and frankly, she probably couldn't care less. The only way this news might upset Christina is if you put it in terms she could understand. For example: $500,000 = 1,000,000 eclairs.

*11 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera and her son Max arriving for a flight at LAX airport (8/23)

What do you call a kid with only one black eye?

A fast learner.

*21 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Nom Nom Nom

Christina Aguilera arrived on a flight Saturday night at LAX, and you can probably already tell from the headline pic, but she actually ate the co-pilot. It was quite shocking. She's in jail right now facing charges. The guy had a family and everything. So sad. Just so freaking sad.

*10 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera leaving a recording studio in Burbank (6/23)

Wait a minute, let's not jump to conclusions here. Maybe Kelly didn't mean this in a negative way. For example, I call my wife a fat bitch all the time, but it's because I love her so much. "Why isn't dinner ready, you fat bitch!" From the Daily Mail:

Kelly Osbourne certainly shy in revealing how she feels about her nemesis Christina Aguilera. While shooting a segment for E!'s Fashion Police segment, the reality star criticised her rival's fuller figure by calling her a "fat bitch."

Commenting on a photo of the singer wearing a tight black dress, the 26-year-old sniped: "Maybe she's just becoming the fat bitch she was always born to be. I don't know. She was a cunt to me ... She called me fat for so many fucking years, so you know what? Fuck you, you're fat too!"

Well, if it isn't the pot calling the kettle black. Or in this case, the cow calling the hippo fat. Kelly might think her shit doesn't stink now that she's recently lost a few pounds, but racist stereotypes have taught me that her weight is probably just like a Palestinian teenager -- ready to blow up at any second. Frankly, Kelly's kind of amazing. Even when she's not eating that much these days, apparently she still can't seem to keep her mouth shut.

*31 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera has some junk in the trunk

I don't know how I missed this last week, but here's some pics of Christina Aguilera at a recording studio in Burbank on Thursday. "Recording studio"? What a funny name for an all-you-can-eat buffet.

*31 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

"One time I ate a cheesecake THIS big!"

Christina Aguilera stopped by the Grove on Friday to do an interview with EXTRA's Mario Lopez. And then she ate him.

*27 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera leaving Jimmy Kimmel Live! studios in Hollywood (5/26)

Holy shit this chick is a mess. And I'm not talking about because she looks like a tranny. Even though she does. Seriously, that's a dude, right? From the New York Post:

Christina Aguilera's boyfriend Matt Rutler showed that chivarly isn't dead while out with her the other night at The Beverly nightclub in Beverly Hills. Aguilera and Rutler only stayed at the club for an hour, and the singer didn't drink while inside. But a spy reports that when Aguilera "wobbled on her high heels and almost tripped on the cracked sidewalk, Matt saved the day and caught her before she took a spill.

What's this chick's problem with standing up straight? First she falls at the Grammys and now this? Either Christina's constantly whacked-out on heavy duty barbiturates or it's time she got her implants rebalanced. At this point, the only people that topple over more than her are octogenarians and Middle Eastern dictators.

*5 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Thursday, April 21

Christina Aguilera arriving at The Abbey in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Simon Baker filming The Mentalist at Burbank Town Center (pics start here)

Amber Lancaster at the launch party of the new T-Mobile Sidekick 4G held in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Pixie Lott arriving at Heathrow Airport from L.A. (pics start here)

Coco shopping in the Meatpacking District of New York (pics start here)

Adrienne Bailon out and about in New York (pics start here)

Amanda Seyfried leaving Urth Caffé in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Selma Blair leaving Urth Caffé in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas leaving Dancing with the Stars practice at a studio in Hollywood (pics start here)

Selita Ebanks at OK Magazine's celebration of Hollywood's Sexiest Singles party in New York (pics start here)

Anna Paquin leaving the Kate Somerville Skin Health Experts Clinic in West Hollywood (pics start here)

John Cusack out and about in Brentwood (pics start here)

Sophie Monk at the crowning of the Cleo Magazine 2011 Bachelor of the Year Award at The Ivy in Sydney, Australia (pics start here)

*111 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler leaving Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Pacific Palisades (3/26)

Sure Christina Aguilera may be a [drunken] shell of her former self, but dating her does have its benefits. Like free rent, baby! From the New York Post:

Christina Aguilera's boy toy Matt Rutler is returning to Hollywood to put the finishing touches on his rags-to-riches story. Sources say the mformer film production assistant has been packing up his dingy apartment in Rhode Island for the good life with Aguilera, whom he met on the set of "Burlesque." A source says, "He'd been living in Rhode Island and put most of his belongings in storage." Rutler, who moved into Aguilera's Beverly Hills mansion almost the second she announced her divorce from Jordan Bratman, also ditched his Rhode Island roommate.

Matt's life isn't a story of "Rags to Riches." It's more like a cautionary tale of "Hags and Bitches." Selling out just so he can be the puppet of a self-absorbed diva isn't going to make this guy happy. It'll just make him Nick Cannon -- and there's only one other person on this planet who has less dignity than that suck-up: Madonna's old boyfriend Jesus Luz any contestant on Wipeout.

*24 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler leaving Il Ristorante di Giorgio Baldi in Pacific Palisades (3/26)

Looks like Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler finally figured out that it's way better to pay someone to give you a ride home after you get drunk than it is for you to drive yourself and get arrested. Trust me Matt, blowjobs in the back of a chauffeured car are definitely way better than you being forced to give a blowjob in a holding cell. No way I let that happen a third time. *shudders*

*24 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery: