Chris Brown

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Chris Brown at the Power 106 charity basketball game in L.A.

Chris Brown has finally weighed in on the growing "sit or stand" National Anthem controversy with an eloquent, thought-provoking essay published in this morning's Wall Street Journal. Just kidding. He sat during the National Anthem at a charity basketball game in L.A. Oh, at least he didn't do it on 9/11. He did it on 9/11. Oh, at least he didn't laugh through the whole thing. He laughed through the whole thing. Okay I'm just gonna shut up now. From TMZ:
Chris Brown joined the National Anthem protest Sunday -- the occasion was a charity basketball game ... and 9/11.

Tank, who sang America's song, urged the crowd -- even those who would otherwise protest -- to stand in honor of the 3,000 people who perished during 9/11.  Brown, who planted himself on the hardwood, was immovable.  He laughed with friends as people around him stood.

Brown seemed impressed with Tank's performance, which kind of misses the point.
In Chris' defense, he didn't laugh through the National Anthem because it was 9/11. He was laughing because he thought it was the anniversary of the Oklahoma City federal building bombing in 1995 that killed 168 people. Okay, media? So get off his back. It was just a mix-up.


Chris Brown at the Fresh Island Festival in Novalja, Croatia (7/14)

The standoff at Chris Brown's house is over and, surprisingly, it didn't end in a hail of gunfire. I think arresting officers felt bad for him because he skipped leg day (above). On the bright side, Chris was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, which is a felony. The model who filed the police report confirmed to Extra that he's a crazy motherfucker:
Trouble allegedly began a few hours into the visit. She had gone outside for some fresh air, and when she returned she saw a man displaying some jewelry.

"I saw a man who was showcasing the diamond bracelets, and the watches and the necklaces, and of course I saw one that was beautiful, so I was admiring it," she said. "It was a diamond cross necklace, and as I was admiring it, simply just standing over it, looking at it, didn't touch it, didn't pick it up, wasn't trying to take it [or] anything to that sort."

She continued, "A guy with dreads, I don't recall his name, came at me, cussing, yelling, calling me names, saying, 'Get away from the diamonds.'"

Soon after, Brown entered the scene, "Chris came in, pulled out his gun and said, 'I'm getting so sick of you people,' pointed the gun at me, [and told me] to get the f out of the house."

Curran walked out, but couldn't leave because Chris's team had her cell phone. She says they tried to make her sign a nondisclosure agreement before returning her phone, but she refused. "I took my phone and made a run for it."
Felony assault with a deadly weapon certainly sounds exciting, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. This is the Los Angeles County justice system we're talking about and Chris Brown is famous.Ten bucks he pleads this down to misdemeanor jaywalking. "I sentence you to 8 hours of running a lemonade stand for charity!"

*5 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Deadly Weapon Assault 1
  • Chris Brown Deadly Weapon Assault 2
  • Chris Brown Deadly Weapon Assault 3
  • Chris Brown Deadly Weapon Assault 4
  • Chris Brown Deadly Weapon Assault 5

Chris Brown at NikeLab X Olivier Rousteing "Football Nouveau" Collection Launch Party at Cite Universitaire in Paris (6/1)

Police are currently camped outside Chris Brown's house in Tarzana and waiting for him to surrender after a woman called 911 earlier this morning, claiming the singer pulled a gun on her. As for Chris, as expected, he's being a complete gentleman about the entire situation (from TMZ):
Police have retrieved at least one gun, other weapons and drugs from Chris Brown's home, after Chris threw a duffel bag out the window of his home ... multiple sources tell us he was defiant as he threw the duffel bag out the window, taunting cops and saying, "Come and get me."

Chris posted a video in which he refers to Black Lives Matter, saying "fuck the police." Two sources on scene tells us in addition to weapons there were drugs in the duffel bag.

As for the woman who called 911 ... she's a beauty pageant title holder.
This is all just a big misunderstanding. Chris didn't point a gun at this woman. He was actually just using the gun to point right over her shoulder to the kitchen trashcan because one of his friends asked where he should dispose of his half-eaten charcuterie plate. And as for Chris not answering the door for the police, that's simple. He just got a jury duty notice in the mail and doesn't want any kind of interaction with police to taint his chances of being picked for a trial. "Oh golly, choose me! Choose me!"

*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Standoff 1
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Chris Brown performing at Globen, Stockholm (6/2)

Chris Brown was just fired by his publicist after a huge mess where he was supposed to bring a vanilla cake to her birthday but he got mixed up and ended up bringing a red velvet cake and it was just a nightmare and yada yada yada. Nah, I'm totally kidding. It was because he went all Chris Brown on her. From TMZ:
Chris had an angry exchange with PR guru Nicole Perna over magazine covers he wanted for his clothing line. The conversation started with Perna texting him, "Loooove all the black pyramid pieces ... awesome collection!"

A frustrated Brown did not receive the compliment well, saying, "I don't want you texting me compliments with no results." He went on to accuse Perna of doing nothing to secure Vogue, GQ or any other publications, telling her, "Get in the game."

And then the fireworks started. Perna lashed out, "Anna Wintour doesn't want to fuck with you. These editors don't want to fuck with you." She goes on, "The majority of my time is spent on damage control. I am constantly cleaning shit up and having your back."

Brown fires back, "NICOLE, you texting me as if I will give a fuck if u dont work for me or not ... Do whatever makes u feel better. Me personally, I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!"

Mike G, Chris' manager who just sued the singer for allegedly attacking him...
Of course
was included in the string of texts. Chris then texted, "Mike, this bitch got all the balls in the world talking to me but can't talk to the editors or anyone for that matter when they release bullshit in the press ... Send this bitch her termination."

And then, Perna texts Chris, "Chris, respect. You're in my prayers x."

Chris's final shot, "Bitch u in my nightmares."
In other news, Chris Brown actually had a real life publicist. What, was Hitler unavailable? Oh yeah, he's dead. Okay, I guess Chris was the next best choice.

ALTERNATE HEADLINE: "And then I shoved her in the sternum like this!"

*15 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Publicist Quit 1
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Chris Brown celebrating his birthday at Drais nightclub in Las Vegas (5/8)

Breaking news about Chris Brown: He's a fucking asshole. He's now terrorizing his neighbors and their children. From the L.A. Times:
Los Angeles police are asking the city attorney to decide whether to charge Brown after an incident Wednesday in which police say the artist and members of his entourage performed dangerous stunts on an all-terrain vehicle while children were present.

Los Angeles police Capt. Paul Vernon said a neighbor of Brown's on Citrus Ridge Drive warned that the ATV was dangerous on the suburban street, complained about the noise and asked that he stop. Vernon said Brown responded "with a series of obscenities at the guy."

One of the neighbors who complained then called police. When West Valley officers rang the bell on Brown's gate, his security detail emerged and "told officers Brown wouldn't let them in or speak to them and they should call his lawyer," Vernon said.

"Neighbors were able to identify Brown as one of those riding the ATV and so we are taking it to the city attorney for disturbing the peace," Vernon said.
This doesn't sound like the Chris Brown I know. The Chris Brown I know would never run and hide behind his gate when the cops came. He would face off with them man to man . . . I'm totally kidding of course. This sounds exactly like Chris. He probably ran and hid behind his rose bushes when he first saw them. "Protect me, bodyguards! The police officers are all male!"

*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Dickhead Neightbor 1
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  • Chris Brown Dickhead Neightbor 10

Chris Brown out and about in Paris, France (3/6)

Flynet says this is Chris Brown "hitting the town" in Paris last night. Oh, I get it. He's out for a night of fun and revelry, which is often informally described as "hitting the town." I can't be the only one who read that that thought he was literally beating up a city, right? "Why you be disrespectin' me, bitch ass Paris! *smack*"

*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Paris Nightlife 1
  • Chris Brown Paris Nightlife 2
  • Chris Brown Paris Nightlife 3
  • Chris Brown Paris Nightlife 4
  • Chris Brown Paris Nightlife 5
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Chris Brown at the Cannes Film Festival last year

By all measures, Chris Brown is a horrible person rivaled in history only by villains like
Adolf Hitler and maybe Joseph Stalin. But is he horrible enough to carelessly give his baby daughter asthma? Let's go to the child's mother (aka "baby mama" in street parlance) for a verdict (via TMZ):
Nia Guzman claims 1-year-old Royalty has developed asthma, and she says it's all because Chris has exposed her to an extreme amount of secondhand smoke. Brown is a weed and tobacco enthusiast. Nia says when Royalty comes back from a visit with Chris she usually reeks of smoke.

[Nia] wants the judge to force Chris to take random drug tests, prohibit him from using drugs or consuming alcohol around Royalty, and stop him from smoking around their daughter.
Via a deleted Instagram post, Chris claims Nia is full of shit and just wants more money from him since he made so much of it after beating up Rihanna and launching their careers:
Absolutely untrue. I quit cigarettes on New Years. NO ONE smokes around my daughter. This is obviously a play to get some sort of increased income. I take care of my daughter and I would never ever put her in a position that will harm her.
I'm with Chris on this one. He clearly loves his daughter and would never do something that would potentially harm her. Nope. Not Chris Brown. Never . . . "UNLESS HO BE DISRESPECTIN' ME. BITCH I'LL GET YOU!" Oh, Chris. You are nothing if not violently predictable :)

*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 1
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 2
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 3
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 4
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 5
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 6
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 7
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 8
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 9
  • Chris Brown Smoking Kid 10

Chris Brown and Scott Disick leaving 1OAK nightclub in West Hollywood (1/19)

Has there ever been a more unlikeable pairing of friends than Scott Disick and Chris Brown? The two were seen leaving 1OAK together on Tuesday night, no doubt the trunk of Chris' car filled with candy stolen from babies. Just . . . ugh.  Hitler and Bin Laden could be walking down the street holding hands and I wouldn't hate them as much as these two. "My, that's quite the fetching mustache."

*10 Chris Brown and Scott Disick pictures total in the gallery:

  • Scott Disick Chris Brown BFFs 1
  • Scott Disick Chris Brown BFFs 2
  • Scott Disick Chris Brown BFFs 3
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  • Scott Disick Chris Brown BFFs 10

Chris Brown at Drai's Nightclub in Las Vegas (1/1)

He assaulted a woman. Chris Brown kicked off 2016 by assaulting a woman. Err, allegedly. Let's not jump to conclusions about this peaceful little koala bear. From USA Today:
Singer Chris Brown is part of an ongoing investigation by the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department related to a report filed Saturday morning about an altercation outside a suite at the Palms Casino Resort.

Brown, who was in Las Vegas for a New Year's show at a different venue, is being accused of taking a woman's cellphone and hitting her after she tried to take a photograph with him.

According to a press release from the Las Vegas police, "A crime report has been taken for misdemeanor theft and misdemeanor battery listing Mr. Brown as a suspect." The woman "appeared to have minor injuries sustained as a result of a battery," the release says.
According to TMZ, the accuser's name is Liziane Gutierrez and Chris is allegedly suing her for defamation for besmirching his good name. By all accounts, this chick sounds crazy as fuck, but, like 99.99% of potential jurors out there, I'm always gonna take a woman's side against Chris Brown. "We the jury find the plaintiff, Chris Brown, guilty." Pretty sure juries can do that. It's called the "Legal Switcheroo because Chris Brown is a Fucking Asshole."

*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown AKA Mike Tyson 1
  • Chris Brown AKA Mike Tyson 2
  • Chris Brown AKA Mike Tyson 3
  • Chris Brown AKA Mike Tyson 4
  • Chris Brown AKA Mike Tyson 5
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  • Chris Brown AKA Mike Tyson 10

Chris Brown performing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! in Hollywood (12/7)

Remember when Chris Brown got booted from his Daily Show appearance because everyone remembered that he's a violent wife beater?  Apparently Jimmy Kimmel doesn't really care about that because Chris performed on his show last night. So, what? Is Jimmy trying to say it's perfectly okay to punch a woman repeatedly if she be disrespectin' you? Yes, I think that's exactly what he's saying. You better have his scotch ready and dinner on the table when he gets home from work. "Bitch, I wanted single malt!"

*30 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:

  • Chris Brown Jimmy Kimmel Appearance 1
  • Chris Brown Jimmy Kimmel Appearance 2
  • Chris Brown Jimmy Kimmel Appearance 3
  • Chris Brown Jimmy Kimmel Appearance 4
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