Chris Brown at the 2015 iHeartRadio Music Awards in L.A.
Chris Brown is avoiding charges after punching a man early Monday morning in the famous basketball suite at The Palms in Las Vegas. But don't be disappointed -- it's only May. There's still plenty of time for Chris to punch those smaller than him and get arrested a few times this year. Via NBC
Cops said Brown and some friends were playing hoops at the Palms Casino Resort about 3 a.m. Monday when a fight broke out and Brown punched an unidentified man. The man was treated at and released from a hospital.
Brown, who completed probation in March stemming from his 2009 guilty plea to felony assault on Rihanna, his girlfriend at the time, could have faced misdemeanor battery charges. But Las Vegas police said Tuesday that the complainant said he didn't want to press charges, so "this case will not be pursued any further."
This story is obviously leaving out some very important details. The victim declined to press charges [and then hopped in his brand new Ferrari and sped away. "I don't have time for this," he thought to himself as he checked the time on his new Breitling watch, worried that he would miss the appointment to pick out the furnishings in his brand new condo]. Okay, fixed it.
*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown denied entry into Canada
Did anyone just burst out into a spontaneous rendition of O Canada
? Because I just did.*2 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
What, did you really think a post with the title "Chris Brown weighs in on..." would contain something that made any sense whatsoever? TOMORROW
: Chris Brown weighs in on the Russia Ukraine crisis.
Chris Brown at Jack Kemp Stadium in L.A.
Because I guess he thinks it's going to rehab his image, Chris Brown organized a charity kickball game
a few weeks ago, and a charity flag football game on Sunday. A bunch of celebs played, including Omarion, The Game, Bow Wow, and Terrel Owens. That's Chris, above, no doubt with the flags sewn to his shorts. Because if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. I'm excited to report that Celebslam has obtained some EXCLUSIVE footage of Chris playing in the game:
Tremendous run, Chris!*20 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown in Cannes
Here's Chris Brown jet skiing in Cannes earlier this week. According to INF
, Chris received a "serious warning" by the Maritime Police for jet skiing in a nature reserve. So basically, Chris Brown beat up nature. Fuck you, nature. Shouldn't be disrespectin'.*20 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown on a yacht off St. Tropez
Wanted to kick off the week with a rare look at the bottom of Chris Brown's shoes. What an absolute treat! Normally you have to be a woman he's dating to see that. *rimshot
**30 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown at the 1st Annual Skate Jam Party in L.A.
Chris Brown may be getting a reality show. A camera on Chris 24/7? Isn't that already part of his parole? From TMZ
Multiple sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ, BET has made it clear to several production companies, the network would absolutely air a Chris Brown reality series, chronicling his life after jail. We're told several production companies are angling to sign Chris, but so far that hasn't happened. If it does, we're told the show will get on the air.
A focus group was held Tuesday in the San Fernando Valley ... asking participants if they'd watch a reality show in which Chris tries to stay on the straight and narrow -- free from violence and drugs. We're told the group -- comprised entirely of African American females -- was split, but the majority said they'd watch to see if Chris would screw up.
Honestly, I'm all for this. A Chris Brown reality show would be entertaining as hell. It'd be like a better version of Wipeout
on ABC. "This Thursday, don't miss an all new Chris Brown Show
. Two dumb sluts enter Chris' apartment after a night of clubbing, but only one will make it out without a broken sternum! Don't miss it!"*5 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown leaving The SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills
Now we know what Chris Brown was doing in jail the past few months: eating. That's Chris and his growing double chin leaving the SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills over the weekend, no doubt after partaking in the breakfast buffet. Chris was just a scrawny kid when he beat the shit out of Rihanna. Now it actually looks like his punches will have some heft behind them. It's absolutely terrifying to consider if you have a uterus and your hobby is disrespectin'.
*30 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown is gonna have an awesome summer in jail
Chris Brown was sentenced to 131 extra days in jail on Friday after he admitted to violating his probation by punching a dude in Washington, D.C. last year . . . *c'mon prison riot* . . . *c'mon prison riot* . . . *c'mon prison riot* . . . From Reuters
Brown must also undergo therapy and random drug testing as part of his sentence from Los Angeles Superior Court Judge James Brandlin, who said he took into account an undiagnosed mental illness and the singer's young age when he assaulted Rihanna on the eve of the 2009 Grammy Awards.
Being an asshole counts as a mental illness nowadays?
Brown's probation was reinstated Friday and is expected to end in January 2015. He must also complete the 1,000 hours of community service he was sentenced in August last year after prosecutors accused him of cutting corners on the work.
So Chris has to stay out of trouble until January, 2015? There's no fucking way. That's over six months. Asking Chris Brown to not assault someone for six months is like asking Alec Baldwin
to give up chocolate covered meat for six months. And as you know, you do not get in between Alec Baldwin and chocolate covered meat. Many have tried . . . MANY HAVE DIED!*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown's signature "crotch grab/retard face" dance move
Chris Brown's assault trial in Washington, D.C. has been delayed until late June, which means the singer may have to stay in jail until then. He's already been in jail since March 14, and an L.A. judge denied his lawyers request to set bail earlier this week. His next probation hearing is May 1, so he'll definitely be in jail for at least until then. In summary, fuck Chris Brown. Oh, did you think this story was leading to a different conclusion?*5 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery: