Chris Brown is a ladies man In the wake of the infamous
Rihanna beat-down, Chris Brown isn't exactly having a hard time getting laid. Why? Because chicks are fucking dumb of course. From the
Chicago Sun Times:
Seems Chris Brown’s conviction for beating up ex-girlfriend Rihanna hasn’t had much effect on his love life. According to one Brown business associate — who claims to spend a lot of time at the R&B superstar’s house — Brown is constantly approached by women, often quite aggressively.
The musician reportedly always has women coming up to him in clubs, restaurants or other public spots — "with most of them, without fail, figuring out some way to slip Chris their numbers," said the source.
"Those that figure out where he lives also don’t think anything of coming right to the house — many dropping off notes, their e-mail addresses and phone numbers, and some including some pretty explicit photos."
This story just proves that if you're famous, women will throw themselves at you no matter what your past transgressions may be. Case in point: Mickey Rourke and Charles Manson STILL have women fawning over them. So let this be a lesson to all you scientists and humanitarians out there fighting to save the world: If you really want to get laid, don't strive to help mankind. Strive to get a seven-figure record deal.
Chris Brown in Miami (6/6)
Apparently some feminists are still upset at Chris Brown for nearly killing Rihanna earlier this year. Geesh! They're so uptight! From the
New York Post:
Chris Brown was heckled at an event in Manhattan last night as he posed for photos with fans. A woman could be heard screaming at the R&B star as he tries to make his way out of a Footaction store.
"Fucking beater," she yells. "You belong in jail ... you feel like a man?"
Brown appeared unscathed by the curse-laden assault and continued to take pictures with people as he made his way to a van.
Luckily for the heckler there were tons of other people around -- otherwise Chris knew just the perfect way to really shut that bitch up. Hopefully for Chris' sake, he'll keep getting this sort of treatment everywhere he goes. That way he may finally learn what's widely considered the most important advice when dealing with women: If you want them to be quiet, don't use violence. Use reruns of
Sex and the City.
Chris Brown leaving Kitchen 24 nightclub in West Hollywood (10/17)
In a statement sent to
MTV last Friday, Chris Brown pretty much told Rihanna to shut the fuck up about getting beat up:
Brown contacted MTV News on Friday (November 6) to issue a statement about the portions of Rihanna's interview [with Good Morning America] that have emerged since that interview. He reiterated his stance on maintaining the pair's privacy, but he also supported Rihanna's decision to speak out about what occurred that February night. Brown wished Rihanna the best and once again admitted his mistake.
"While I respect Rihanna's right to discuss the specific events of February 8, I maintain my position that all of the details should remain a private matter between us," he said in the statement.
Uh oh, Rihanna better be careful -- the last time Chris wanted her to keep her mouth shut he put in more time on her face than
Jocelyn Wildenstein's plastic surgeon. On a serious note, if Chris really wants to move on from this whole ordeal, he should do what most guys do when they don't want to hear their woman yapping anymore: turn up
SportsCenter.
Rihanna leaving Wonderland nightclub in Hollywood (11/4)
Rihanna has finally broken her silence. She spoke with
Good Morning America's Diane Sawyer this morning about
her new CD Rated R that drops in two weeks the infamous night Chris Brown
whooped that ass. From
ABC News:
"It was a wake-up call. It was a wake-up call for me. Big time. I will say that to any young girl who is going through domestic violence, don't react off of love. F love. Come out of the situation and look at it in the third person and for what it really is."
The pop star said it was "embarrassing" that Brown was the type of person she fell in love with.
"So far in love. So unconditional that I went back. It's humiliating to say this happened. To accept that? It's a traumatizing experience," she said. "I stayed. I even went back after he beat me, which was wrong. But again ... I'm a human being and people put me on a very unrealistic pedestal. And all these expectations, I'm not perfect."
After months of silence since the February beating, Rihanna decided to speak publicly about the ordeal so she can be a voice to help others who may be in danger of returning to abuse.
"It's completely normal to go back. It's not right. I learned the hard way, but again, this is what I want people to know," she said. "When I realized that my selfish decision for love could result in some young girl getting killed, I could not be easy with that part. I couldn't be held responsible for going back. Even if Chris never hit me again, who is to say that their boyfriend won't? Who's to say that they won't kill these girls? These are young girls and I just didn't realize how much of an impact I had on these girls' lives until that happened."
In other news, Rodell Vereen of South Carolina
was sentenced to three years in prison yesterday after he was caught having sex with a 21-year-old horse named Sugar for the second time in two years. I guess you could say Rodell has a real "sweet tooth." *
rimshot* . . . I know this doesn't have anything to do with Rihanna or Chris Brown but I thought this story could use a little lightening up. It's traumatizing this, it's humiliating that, he hit me, he choked me, it hurt,
geesh, she can be such a Debbie Downer sometimes!
Chris Brown leaving LAX airport (10/13)
It puzzles me why Chris doesn't have women hanging all over him. He's got everything a girlfriend could want -- money, fame, and if you're ever attacked by a
biker gang 5'8" 125-pound Barbadian chick, he'll take care of that problem too.
Chris Brown hasn't heard the last of Wrigley's Before Chris Brown turned Rihanna's face
into a Picasso painting back in February, he had a pretty nice endorsement deal with Wrigley's Doublemint Gum (I don't know if you've heard, but it now has double the flavor
and double the fun). Through exhaustive market research, Wrigley's discovered that people don't like to chew gum endorsed by dudes who beat up chicks, so they scrapped the campaign (I'm sure it didn't help that a pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit
was front and center in the pictures of the blood-spattered interior of Chris' Lamborghini). From
Janet Charlton's Hollywood:
Chris Brown hasn’t heard the last of Wrigley Doublemint Gum. He had a very lucrative contract with Wrigley and his ad campaign was not only successful, it produced his hit song “Forever.” Chris had apparently signed up for another five year stint with Wrigley and finished a number of commercials when the Rihanna incident happened. Wrigley pulled his ads and fired Chris. Now they are said to be preparing to sue Chris for all the money they lost due to his bad behavior. They spent big bucks on ads featuring Chris along with other celebrities like JayZ and Mariah Carey. Since Chris was in them also - everything had to be ditched. Wrigley is mad and we hear they hope to recoup the money Chris caused them to lose with a big fat lawsuit.
It seems like the whole world is piling on Chris because of one tiny momentary lapse in judgment. Call me cynical, but I think race has something to do with it. Don't believe me? Explain to me how Ashton Kutcher's career took off
after he got caught with that shipping container full of young Asian sex slaves.
UPDATE: I've just been informed by Ashton's lawyer (very handsome and well-dressed by the way), that Ashton was actually never caught with a shipping container full of young Asian sex slaves. Weird. I could have sworn that happened. My bad.
Chris Brown begins community service As part of the 1400 hours of community service he has to serve for Mike Tysoning Rihanna's face
back in February, Chris Brown pulled weeds yesterday in Richmond, VA. The judge actually offered him an alternative to the manual labor -- he could wipe away his sentence by acting as Tyra Banks' personal assistant one day for 4 hours -- but Chris understandably chose the 6 months of weed-pulling instead. Probably a smart move.
Oprah better watch the fuck out If you're Chris Brown and you're trying to resurrect your career/image, what's the one thing you don't want to do. Pick a fight with Oprah Winfrey and her legion of well-read housewives ready to die to defend her honor. Oh hey, guess what Chris Brown did? From
TMZ:
Oprah Winfrey is firing back at the comments Chris Brown made about her in the new People Magazine. Here's the background: People had asked Brown about the fact that Oprah did "a show on abuse, inspired by Rihanna." Chris replied:
"I commend Oprah on being like, 'This is a problem,' but it was a slap in my face. I did a lot of stuff for her, like going to Africa and performing for her school. She could have been more helpful, like, 'Okay, I'm going to help both of these people out.'"
We called Oprah to see how she felt about Brown's statement, and her rep sent us the following response:
"Oprah is very appreciative that Chris Brown performed at her school but she takes domestic abuse very seriously. She hopes he gets the counseling he needs."
Oprah better watch her back. Nothing sets Chris Brown off more than a strong African American woman that voices her opinion. Of course, if Oprah really wants to ensure her safety, she'll hide somewhere where Chris is too afraid to show his face -- like in church or one of those amateur boxing nights they sometimes have at bars where guys fight other guys who actually hit back. Chris' main point is valid though: If you do a concert for children -- fucking
children dude -- you should be allowed to beat up as many women as you want.
Rihanna out and about in New York (8/28)
Rihanna is devastated. Why? Because the guy that beat her up can't come within 100 yards of her of course. Of course. From the
Chicago Sun Times:
Despite reports of Rihanna going out dancing and celebrating after Chris Brown's sentencing for beating her, I've learned the Grammy winner is very upset. A close Rihanna aide insists the singer is devastated the judge in the case refused her request to cancel the order banning Brown coming within 100 yards from her -- for the next five years.
"Rihanna is obsessed with Chris ... totally mesmerized by him and convinced he's learned his lesson," said the source.
Supposedly Rihanna is going to wait awhile -- until things quiet down -- and then will again request the judge to reconsider.
Rihanna's probably right. Chris almost certainly has "learned his lesson." Like most men who beat women, he's probably seen the error in his ways and is eager to change. If Chris really wants to show the world that he's no longer violent towards women, the best way he can prove it is by
withstanding five minutes of nagging sharing the remote making sure that bitch listens when he speaks.
Chris Brown remembers almost killing Rihanna Chris Brown's interview with Larry King hasn't even been broadcast yet and he's already in full spin mode. Chris says the clip
we saw yesterday -- where he claims he doesn't remember beating up Rihanna -- was a just big misunderstanding. He actually does remember repeatedly punching her in the face. In a statement he released yesterday, Chris said:
"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight.
"That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like 4 or 5 times -- and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said.
"The first four times - or how ever many times it was - I gave the same answer -- which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time - or whatever it was - I just misspoke. I was asked, "Do you remember doing it?" and I said, "No."
"Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am or is what happened like anything I have ever done before.
Oops, another misspeak. It's not Chris or who he is or what happened like anything he's ever done before
besides that time in November when Rihanna and him got into a fight when they were in Europe and he shoved her into a wall.
"As I have said several times previously, I am ashamed of and sorry for what happened that night and I wish I could relive that moment and change things, but I can't. I take full responsibility for my actions. What I have to do now is to prove to the world that this was an isolated incident and that is not who I am and I intend to do so by my behavior now and in the future.
Oops, another misspeak. It was an isolated incident and that's not who Chris Brown is
besides that time in January when Rihanna and him got into a fight when they were in Barbados and he got out of their Range Rover and broke both the front and passenger side windows.
"In conclusion, I am Hitler."
Finally, some truth . . . OK, I might have added that line.
