Martha Stewart at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami (11/2008)
Martha Stewart isn't exactly a fan of Rachael Ray. On
Nightline last night, Stewart blasted the
Food Network star, calling her a stupid fat whore. OK, not really. But she was a bitch. Via
Us Weekly:
"Well, to me, she professed that she could -- cannot bake," Stewart says of Ray in the interview, [which aired Thursday]. "She -- just did a new cookbook which is just a re-edit of a lot of her old recipes. She -- and that's not good enough for me."
When it comes to writing a book, Stewart says she want to publish something that "is a unique and lasting thing. Something that will really fulfill a need in someone's library." Ray, she says, "is different."
Stewart says Ray is "more of an entertainer ... with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be."
If Martha Stewart really wants to write a book that will draw on her life experiences, she should come out with a cookbook titled: "100 Dishes You Can Bake in Your Toilet -- A Prisoner's Guide to Healthy Living." She already has a built-in 'captive' audience that would almost certainly propel her book to the top of the bestseller list. Of course if Rachael Ray wants to write a book that I'd buy, it'll have to be a picture book titled: "Rachael Ray's Guide to Swallowing an Entire Kielbasa Sausage." Seriously, have you seen that chick's mouth? If it was any bigger, you could throw a ball in it to win a prize.
Minka Kelly does not like Kade Hudson Mmmmmm . . . chick fight.
Tasty. From the
New York Post:
The Yankees' wives and girlfriends have been banned from trashing Kate Hudson after Page Six revealed there was coldness between her and Derek Jeter's squeeze, Minka Kelly. We told how low-key Kelly disapproved of Hudson's antics including cheering wildly from the front row and smooching A-Rod all over town. A source said, "The Yankees told the girls to be careful who they spoke to about Kate. They are concerned about the ramifications for the players."
Minka and Kate should settle their differences like ancient gladiators. Except, instead of fighting in a huge arena, they should fight in an inflatable pool filled with Crisco. And instead of fighting against each other with weapons, they should make out. Of course I'd volunteer to be the no-nonsense referee that issued rulings with a firm hand . . . but that would just be for spankings.
Lindsay Lohan leaving her hotel in New York (9/10)
Lindsay Lohan was kicked out of her hotel last night after getting into an epic fight with a door. Is a fourth trip to rehab right around the corner? Sure, why not. From
Hollyscoop:
Inside sources tell Hollyscoop that Lindsay Lohan was kicked out of the Bowery Hotel in New York City last night after a blow-up fight with Samantha Ronson. Police were called to the scene after Lindsay reportedly "threw a room-service tray at what she thought was her girlfriend's door" during a heated fight. The only problem was…she threw that tray at the wrong door. As a result Lindsay was kicked out of the posh hotel, with authorities escorting her off the premises.
The same source claims Lindsay’s friends and family are planning on staging an intervention to get her back in rehab for the fourth time!
I'm sitting here at my desk absolutely shocked -- no,
stunned -- I just, I never, I mean, I, I, I'm blown away, I am blown away . . .
Lindsay Lohan can afford room service!
Scarlett Johansson heading to her gym in New York (8/10)
Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot Hot. I love chick fights. Even potential chick fights -- like the one brewing between Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley -- are hot. From the
Chicago Sun Times:
STAR FEUD? Keira Knightley is not happy she's got a big competitor for the role of Eliza Doolittle in a big-screen remake of "My Fair Lady." While Knightley more closely resembles the original movie's Audrey Hepburn, Scarlett Johansson reportedly has a better singing voice -- something Knightley has been working to improve for the past three years.
I'm sure it's Scarlett's magical singing voice and extraordinary musical talents that are giving her the edge over poor Keira, and not the fact that she's built like an upside down pyramid. Unfortunately for Keira, she could practice her singing everyday for the rest of her life and she still wouldn't get the part over Scarlett . . . yes I'm trying to imply she needs implants . . . I bet Demi Moore
could recommend a good surgeon.
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson leaving the Hard Rock Cafe in New York (6/24)
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson got into it over the weekend in Chicago. Why? Because Ashlee Simpson is a fucking bitch of course. From the
San Francisco Chronicle:
The pair was celebrating the first anniversary of Wentz's Chicago bar, Angels & Demons, on Saturday when the singer reportedly shouted at him to leave in front of partygoers. Simpson-Wentz had been drinking and the pair continued to argue heavily when they left the venue, according to reports.
A source said that Ashlee "came up completely wasted and yells at him to leave. They fought, she told him he was horrible in front of a whole group of people and made him leave his own party early. So they make a scene and leave the bar."
Pete and Ashlee aren't only fighting in public, they're going at it at home as well. A reenactment of a fight they had last week:
Ashlee: "Dammit Pete! Will you stop using my eyeliner! There's hardly any left!"
Pete: "Fine. Then give me back my black fingernail polish!"
Ashlee: "You can't have that, you traded it to me for my Replenishing Hair Masque."
Pete: *runs off weeping*
Ashlee: "Pussy!"
Jeremy Piven at a cafe in Brentwood (5/11)
Chris Kattan and Jeremy Piven got into it backstage at Alexa Chung's MTV show last Thursday. Why? Mercury poisoning of course. From the
New York Daily News:
Kattan greeted Piven with a snarky, "So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?"
Piven, who famously dropped out of "Speed the Plow" in December, is in a legal battle with producers who believe the actor fabricated his [mercury poisoning] illness in order to get out of completing his contract, and was none too happy to be reminded of the incident.
Says an insider, "After some back and forth, Jeremy said something really personal to Chris that basically attacked his career. He said 'Whoa, man - I thought we were just fooling around here.' Jeremy slammed the green room door right in Chris' face, and about 20 people in the hallway outside could hear him yelling obscenities. He was furious.
"Chris felt really badly about the whole thing, so about 15 minutes later he tried to approach Jeremy again to apologize, to tell him he was just kidding and that he didn't mean to offend in any way. But Jeremy wasn't having it at all. He slammed the door in Chris' face AGAIN."
Jeremy Piven and Chris Kattan? Really? What, did they throw tampons and hit each other with their hair brushes? "Owie that hurt! Hey no fairs! Yours is made of wood!"
Anna Kournikova at the "HardBat Classic Table Tennis Tournament" at The Palazzo in Las Vegas (6/27)
Anna Kournikova got into a fight with another woman Saturday night at Lavo nightclub in Las Vegas. Luckily everything was caught on video. The fight will available on Pay-Per-View in two weeks where it's expected to earn 900 BILLION DOLLARS. OK I might have made that last part up. From
People:
An onlooker said Kournikova, 28, and her assistant were sitting at a VIP table when the other woman bumped them. They pushed each other but were separated - until the woman confronted Kournikova again as she was leaving the nightclub.
"The woman came back over and threw a drink on Anna and her assistant," the source said. "The woman was definitely drunk. Anna said she wanted the woman kicked out, but then everything started to escalate and she and the woman started shoving and pushing each other."
The other woman grabbed Kournikova by the neck and pushed her into a wall before security broke them apart.
Although this fight sounds like it was pretty awesome, the description's missing three critical things: 1. More hair tossing, 2. Torn open blouses, and 3. Me in the middle of it. Chick fights are cool and everything, but after having spent most of my twenties downloading crazy Internet porn, the only way this story could get me excited now is if it included mention of an inflatable pool filled with JELL-O along with a Thai tranny refereeing. I've only downloaded that movie, like, twice.
LeAnn Rimes at Malibu Beach (5/18)
In a statement to
Us Weekly today, Eddie Cibrian's wife Brandi Glanville blasted LeAnn Rimes (it
was revealed in March that Rimes and Cibrian were having an affair):
"LeAnn is a stalker. She refuses to leave us alone -- it is shameful and scary. People are going to say it takes two to tango and I get that, but at some point LeAnn needs to stop asking him to dance. She's hurting my family and messing with the wrong mom."
A spokesman for Rimes
countered:
"These comments are incredibly defamatory. While there are always two sides to every story, LeAnn continues to remain above the fray and chooses not to play this out in the press."
"People are going to say it takes two to tango and I get that, but at some point LeAnn needs to stop asking him to dance." Wow, that sounds way better than: "Bitch fucked my husband and now won't get off his nuts." Somehow, Brandi managed to make an affair that's tearing two families apart actually sound classy. She's another Danielle Steel in the making.
Audrina Patridge leaving Kitson boutique in West Hollywood (5/21)
There's already drama on
The Hills between Audrina Patridge and newcomer Kristin Cavallari (playing the part of Lauren Conrad
this season).
Yesterday Audrina revealed to Ryan Seacrest on his radio show that the two got into it while filming a bonus episode of the show:
"I don't like her . . . When someone gets in my face, I have to defend myself. And, you guys, I mean, I can't say much. They'll show it, but I mean, all I have to say is, it's really pathetic and desperate what people will do when the cameras are around. It was my birthday, and I was like, Oh, my God. Is this what we're going to have to deal with?'"
It's only downhill from here. It's pretty obvious what Audrina needs to do. She needs to walk away from
The Hills and try to make it in the real world. Wait, are there any 9-5 jobs that involve coloring?
Chick fight! Chick fight!
Hilary Duff and Faye Dunaway are fighting. Wait, what? After finding out Hilary would be reprising her role as Bonnie in the remake of
The Story of Bonnie and Clyde, Dunaway reportedly remarked: "Couldn't they have at least cast a real actress?" Duff -- the star of such classics as
Cheaper by the Dozen and
Cheaper by the Dozen 2 -- was not pleased with the catty remark. She told
E!:
"I think that my fans that are going to go see the movie don't even know who she is, so you know . . . I think it was a little unnecessary but I might be mad if I looked like that now too." (Source)
This really isn't a fair fight. Faye has a Best Actress Oscar and has been nominated for two others. Hilary has a Kid's Choice Award for "Cutest Lip Gloss." If this was a knife fight, Faye would have a 12-inch Ka-Bar with a serrated edge and Hilary would have a piece of rope. Hilary needs to shut the hell up. Now.
