Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron arrived at a friend’s house in L.A. (2/5)

Not only does Charlize Theron show up to a Super Bowl party with a case of beer, but she shows up to a Super Bowl party with a really good case of beer.* It's quite possible that she's the perfect woman. I bet every time she opens her legs, a beam of light shoots out and a hundred butterflies fly away.

*Sculpin is still my favorite IPA, but 60 Minute ain't far behind. Had this yesterday and it was fucking amazing. Excited about trying this today. For all you Budweiser drinkers confused about the last few sentences, just keep breathing through your mouth.

*26 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron at the 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills (1/15)

The 69th (tee hee) Annual Golden Globes were last night in Beverly Hills, and nothing particularly noteworthy happened (i.e. there were no fights, births, deaths, or racist outburts). The highlight of the night was when Charlize Theron did anything at all. Like walk down those stairs. Charlize is so hot that if we had sex, I'd probably just start weeping during the middle of it and embarrass the shit out of myself.

*20 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron at Crunch gym in Hollywood (1/9)

Charlize Theron went to the gym in Hollywood on Monday, and paparazzi caught her without makeup on. I know, can you believe she didn't get done up to do squats, leg presses, crunches, and a half hour on the elliptical? The nerve of this bitch.

*12 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Monday, January 9

Charlize Theron at a gas station in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Kate Beckinsale arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Reality star Brandi Glanville (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) picking her car up from a valet in L.A. (pics start here)

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield out and about in New York (pics start here)

Ellen DeGeneres and her wife Portia de Rossi walking on the beach in Malibu (pics start here)

Arnold Schwarzenegger arriving at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Emily Blunt walking her dog in L.A. (pics start here)

Alex Rodriguez and his new girlfriend, WWE Diva Torrie Wilson, leaving a restaurant in Miami (pics start here)

Ryan Gosling heading to a Muay Thai gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Jennifer Hudson leaving Today show studios in New York (pics start here)

Stacy Keibler and George Clooney at the 23rd Annual Palm Springs International Film Festival Awards Gala (pics start here)

AnnaLynne McCord and Sara Foster on the set of 90210 in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Lea Michele at the Fox 2012 All Star Winter Party at The Green Castle in L.A. (pics start here)

*126 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron arriving at Cipriani in New York (11/28)

Charlize Theron revealed to People magazine earlier this week that she was "bullied" when she was younger. Oh hey, what a coincidence, I was too. It's called "high school." From People:

"I wore really nerdy glasses because I was blind as could be and the boys didn't like [me]. I didn't have any boyfriends, but lots of crushes. I wasn't in the popular crowd. There was a really popular girl at school and I was obsessed with her. I mean you would go to jail for that stuff today. I was in tears one day because I couldn't sit next to her."

She also says she was bullied by her classmates for her glasses and not having the perfect haircut and clothes.

"I actually got a lot of the mean girl stuff from the ages of 7 to 12. I was pretty much a mess in primary school," she admits. "But I got that out of my system by the time I got to high school and was more immune to all of that stuff."

Let this be a lesson to you ugly people. You don't need to be a drunken mess or a human toilet to get the fame that you so desperately need. Just let yourself bloom out of your ugly duckling stage and hope you have the DNA of a Nordic god. BTW, I'm having a little bit of a hard time believing that this woman was bullied. I'm pretty sure that if Charlize asked me to, I'd walk into an orphanage wearing an IED strapped to my chest.

*15 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron is just plain pretty

Johan Botha must be kicking himself today. Wait a minute, who? From Charlize Theron's interview with Vogue:

I ask [Charlize] Theron if she ever had a lost teenage love—a real-life version of Young Adult's Buddy Slade.

"I didn't have a high school boyfriend," she confesses. "But there was this guy, Johan Botha, who I was obsessed with. Obsessed! There was a school dance coming up, and I told my mom I needed a dress, and I bought this amazing crushed-velvet burgundy dress—long-sleeved, off-the-shoulder, at Woolworth's. And then Thursday came, and Friday came, and he did not ask me to the dance. And I had to call my mom to come get me. Johan Botha! I haven't thought about him in so long. He was a really good cyclist. I think I spoke five words to him. I would lie in my bed and listen to those heartbreak eighties songs and think it was the end of the world that this boy did not know I existed."

Man this guy blew it. Not only could he have slept with Charlize Theron, but he could have slept with the teenage version of Charlize Theron. That's like taking something perfect and making it even better -- like breast implants on a supermodel. Oh well, I'm sure this guy won't regret that mistake and will never think about what "could have been" again. Or he'll kill himself. Definitely one of those two.

*15 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron arriving at the Princess Anne Theatre in London for BAFTA's "A Life in Pictures" tribute even (11/12)

*10 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron at the official launch of the video game Rage in Chinatown, Los Angeles (9/30)

*27 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron arriving on a flight at LAX airport (9/24)

*23 Charlize Theron pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, August 2

Charlize Theron on her way to a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

Kelly Rutherford and Matthew Settle on the set of Gossip Girl in New York (pics start here)

Designer Christian Audigier and girlfriend Nathalie Sorensen on his yacht in Ibiza, Spain (pics start here)

Jordana Brewster leaving Fred Segal in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley out and about in New York (pics start here)

Polish model Anja Rubik arriving at the airport in Warsaw (pics start here)

Shemar Moore (Criminal Minds) riding his bike on Mulholland Drive in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Andie MacDowell and her daughters shopping in New York (pics start here)

Sarah Michelle Gellar filming Ringer in L.A. (pics start here)

Johnny Knoxville leaving Hugo's restaurant in Studio City (pics start here)

Halle Berry leaving Nobu restaurant in Malibu (pics start here)

Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger out and about in Malibu (pics start here)

January Jones at the beach in Malibu (pics start here)

Nicollette Sheridan leaving Taverna Tony restaurant in Malibu (pics start here)

Reality stars Camille Grammer, Dana Wilkey, and Brandi Glanville (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) shopping in Malibu (pics start here)

*145 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery: