Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen speaking in London in June

Apparently Charlie Sheen has replaced all of his nasty, high-priced whores with a nasty, high-priced sex robot. Uh oh, I hope AIDS doesn't void the warranty. A source told the National Enquirer:
"It's ironic that 'Goodtime Charlie,' who once bragged that he was a real-life 'ma-Sheen- in the sack, is now forced to have intercourse with a machine!" dished a snitch.

The spy, who has seen Sheen's "sex-bot," described it as an "anatomically accurate duplication of the lower half of a woman's body -- both front and back."

"It's lifelike-looking and flesh-colored. Charloe says the latex exterior feels like skin. But I'll have to take him at his word because I wasn't about to touch it!" (Print Edition)
Sure this sounds all fun and innocent, but so did fucking a chimpanzee in Africa back in the '70s and now we have AIDS. Who knows what kind of uber-STD Charlie will create by fucking a plastic sex robot. End times may be upon us. *liquidates 401(k)*

*15 Charlie Sheen pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 1
  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 2
  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 3
  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 4
  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 5
  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 6
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  • Charlie Sheen Sex Doll 15

Charlie Sheen at The 2016 Elton John AIDS Foundation Academy Awards Viewing Party held at West Hollywood Park (2/29)

I hate to be a dick, Charlie (no I don't), but it's gonna be really hard for you to follow the advice on your shirt. Next time, stick to the classic t-shirts. Like maybe your favorite band. That's a good one.

*10 Charlie Sheen pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 1
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 2
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 3
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 4
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 5
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 6
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 7
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 8
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 9
  • Charlie Sheen AIDS Shirt 10

Bree Olson out and about in New York (11/17)

That, my friends, is the face of someone regretting their life decisions.

LIFE PRO TIP: When you reach the "nursing school or porn" fork in the road, go to nursing school

*10 Bree Olson pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlie Sheen Bree Olsen 1
  • Charlie Sheen Bree Olsen 2
  • Charlie Sheen Bree Olsen 3
  • Charlie Sheen Bree Olsen 4
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  • Charlie Sheen Bree Olsen 10

Charlie Sheen leaving a medical building in Beverly Hills (9/1)

A New York madam claims that Charlie Sheen routinely paid her prostitutes extra to have unprotected sex -- even after he found out he was HIV positive. Oh delightful. From the New York Post:
"He could have given HIV to dozens of girls," [Anna] Gristina said, noting that her agency was only one of many Sheen used.

"The porn girls he liked would agree to go bareback [without protection] because he gave them an extra $5,000, $10,000. And some of them would agree because they were hoping they would get pregnant,'' Gristina said. "He would give girls incentives not to use protection, and the girls would try to please him because they wanted to come back.''

"These girls are definitely high-risk for HIV," Gristina said of the adult-industry workers who moonlight as hookers. "I guarantee he got it [HIV] from one of these girls."
So he knowingly exposed numerous prostitutes -- the most kind, gentle souls on Earth -- to HIV. I'd say that Charlie should be thrown in prison for a lifetime of shower rape, but something tells me that wouldn't exactly be punishment for him.

The National Enquirer also claims that Charlie spent $1.6 million on hookers in one year alone:
The sex-crazed actor claims he was diagnosed with the deadly illness in 2011, but the dire news hardly slowed his horndog ways. According to 2013 financial reports for his production company 9th Step -- prepared nearly two years after he says he found out he was infected -- he spent $1,629,507 on hookers.

According to an insider close to Sheen, "The item was listed as 'Friendly Entertainment,' which was Charlie's shorthand for sex workers." There's no mention of how many women, or men, that covered -- and whether he told them of his HIV status.
$1.6 million. That's $4,464 a DAY on screwing women. Even the Republican Party is impressed by that.

*10 Charlie Sheen pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 1
  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 2
  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 3
  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 4
  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 5
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  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 9
  • Charlie Sheen No Condoms 10
Charlie Sheen is HIV-Positive

As expected, Charlie Sheen revealed this morning on the Today show that he's HIV-positive. He told Matt Lauer that he's already been blackmailed for millions:
Mr. Sheen said that he paid people "into the millions" to stay quiet about the diagnosis. "That is money taken away from my kids."
The millions you've spent on coke and whores is also money taken away from your kids.
Asked whether he faced lawsuits, Mr. Sheen said it was more "shakedowns" from people demanding money. When Mr. Lauer asked whether Mr. Sheen was still paying some of these people, the actor replied, "Not after today, I'm not." (New York Times)
And before you applaud Charlie for the courage to come forward (even though he only came forward because the Enquirer was about to out him), he also admitted that he had unprotected sex when he knew he had HIV. Didn't this guy see Philadelphia? You're not supposed to that.
Mr. Sheen said that he did not think it was possible that he had transmitted the disease to others. He said that he had unprotected sex with two people, but that he was under the care of doctors at the time. He said that he has told every one of his sex partners about his diagnosis.
What the fuck does it matter that you're "under the care of doctors at the time." Pretty sure doctor's knowing that you have HIV doesn't mean open season on raw-dogging sluts you bring home from the club. God I sound like my parents. "If you ever get AIDS from fucking a tranny escort on a 3-day bender, always make sure you use a condom after that -- yes, even for BJs." God, they are so old-school. Product of the '50s and all. Love 'em.

Charlie Sheen is HIV positive

For the last month or so, there's been a rumor floating around Hollywood that a major star was HIV positive. Turns out it's Charlie Sheen. Who could have seen that one coming? Okay, everyone. From People:
Charlie Sheen is going on the Today show to discuss being HIV-positive, sources tell People.

According to top Hollywood publicist and crisis manager Howard Bragman, he was approached by people close to Sheen six months ago to deal with the crisis, but never dealt with him directly. "The interview could open up a lot of sympathy for him, but he has to be concerned about a fear of litigation from former sexual partners. You don't take that lightly."

Bragman says he was informed that Sheen "is getting treatment, and a lot of people in his life know about it. It's been going on for quite awhile. He's not necessarily comfortable talking about it. It was very hard to get up the courage for him to talk about it."
To save you the trouble, you're not creative if you post this news on social media and end it with the phrase #winning. C'mon, that's just low . . . lower than Charlie's white blood cell count. *rim shot*

Charlie Sheen is drunk

Courtesy of reddit, here's a shitfaced Charlie Sheen in Paris over the weekend. Amazingly, I don't see one whore, skank, or slut in his vicinity. IMPOSTER!

*11 Charlie Sheen drunk pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlie Sheen Drunk in Paris 1
  • Charlie Sheen Drunk in Paris 2
  • Charlie Sheen Drunk in Paris 3
  • Charlie Sheen Drunk in Paris 4
  • Charlie Sheen Drunk in Paris 5
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  • Charlie Sheen Drunk in Paris 10

Charlie Sheen and Brett Rossi fishing in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (11/29)

I'm kidding with that headline. No one cares about Charlie Sheen anymore, but it somehow made the news that he's now dating porn star Brett Rossi. That's the two of them in Cabo San Lucas over the weekend. Brett is 24 going on 14, and Charlie is 48 going on 65, so I'm sure the two are having some enthralling conversations:

Charlie: "Hey baby, come over here and lotion daddy's knees."

Brett: "...I didn't know there were so many Mexicans in Mexico."

Charlie: "God I love you."

*25 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Charlie Sheen Brett Rossi 1
  • Charlie Sheen Brett Rossi 2
  • Charlie Sheen Brett Rossi 3
  • Charlie Sheen Brett Rossi 4
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Mila Kunis out and about in North London (6/16)

Being hot has its perks. TMZ says Charlie Sheen wants producers of his show Anger Management to shitcan that bitch Selma Blair and bring in Mila Kunis for a multi-episode arc:
Charlie has been on a mission to get Selma 86'd from the show because he believes she's been complaining about him behind his back, trashing his work ethic. Charlie returned to work Monday and told producers he wants the termination process started TODAY, or else he'll walk ... And there's this: we're told Charlie now wants to extend an offer to Mila Kunis (a.k.a. Ashton Kutcher's GF) for a 10 episode arch at $1 MILLION per episode.
So what's the catch? $10 million for a humiliating series of appearances on Charlie Sheen's soon-to-be-cancelled cable show is a lot of scratch for the average Hollywood peasant, but this is Mila Kunis we're talking about, not Tara Reid. If Mila hasn't resorted to getting cheap heat via oopsies, or drunken 2 AM walks of shame, or staged/hacked Instagram pics by now then...oh, I get it. Charlie wants to make Ashton look like a tool by banging his girl. Come on, Tiger Blood, Ashton doesn't need any help looking like a tool, thank you very much. Two and a Half Men is an assembly line sitcom. Any idiot can take credit for the success of that 22 minute cookie cutter with a laugh track insult to TV writing. If you want to bang Mila because she's hot, then more power to you. Banging her to get back at Ashton is a loser troll move, not a shining wizard move. Losing, buh bye.

*30 Mila Kunis in London pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mila Kunis in North London
  • Mila Kunis Rainy Day
  • Mila Kunis in Islington
  • Why is Mila Kunis in London
  • Mila Kunis in Lower Holloway
  • Mila Kunis Nice Sunglasses
  • Mila Kunis in Pentonville
  • Mila Kunis Wearing Ray Ban Aviators
  • Mila Kunis in Kentish Town
  • Mila Kunis in London for Jupiter Ascending
  • Mila Kunis UK Pictures
  • Mila Kunis in Hampstead
  • Mila Kunis Without Ashton Kutcher
  • Mila Kunis in Marylebone
  • Mila Kunis in Covent Garden
  • Mila Kunis in South Hill Park Gardens
  • Mila Kunis in Dartmouth Park
  • Mila Kunis in Parliament Hill
  • Mila Kunis in Golders Green
  • Mila Kunis in Cricklewood
  • Mila Kunis Walking Around London
  • Mila Kunis in Somers Town
  • Mila Kunis in Skinny Jeans
  • Mila Kunis in Lisson Grove
  • Mila Kunis Cute Jacket
  • Mila Kunis in West Kilburn
  • Mila Kunis Weird Shoes
  • Mila Kunis in Primrose Hill
  • Mila Kunis Green Pants
  • Mila Kunis June Pictures

Charlie Sheen's new girlfriend, Georgia Jones

Charlie Sheen is dating yet another porn star. He's been spotted in Cabo San Lucas with "Best All-Girl 3-Way Sex Scene of 2011" nominee Georgia Jones (playing the piano, above). From Us Weekly:
On Monday, Dec. 31, the hot-and-heavy couple were spotted sharing a sexy smooch outside Sheen's villa in the exclusive Los Cabos community. Jones, clad in a denim romper, held her cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other, as her drama-prone beau leaned in for a kiss.

Sheen and Jones rang in 2013 together at his newly opened Cabo bar, El Ganzo, where the actor threw a wild New Year's Eve bash with pals Slash (of Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver fame) and Rob Patterson (of Korn).
Is this really news anymore? Of course Charlie's dating a porn star -- it's Charlie Sheen we're talking about here, not Jonathan Lipnicki. The man has a death wish. If he insists on sticking his dick into every toilet that winks at him, who are we to stop him? Let's just do what we've been doing for the last couple of years and continue to take bets on when and how Charlie will be dead. I'm still going with a massive cerebral hemorrhage stemming from skiing on a mountain made entirely of cocaine. The only real bet where you can still lay down good odds is whether Charlie will be found in a pool of his own waste before or after Lindsay Lohan is found in a pool of her own waste.

*5 Georgia Jones pictures total in the gallery:

  • Georgia Jones Charlie Sheen 1
  • Georgia Jones Charlie Sheen 2
  • Georgia Jones Charlie Sheen 3
  • Georgia Jones Charlie Sheen 4
  • Georgia Jones Charlie Sheen 5