Chad Kroeger

Avril Lavigne in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (7/20)

If Nickelback's Chad Kroeger is impressed this much by Avril Lavigne, how much must he suck? Trick question. The answer is "a lot." Via Contact Music:

Chad Kroeger says working with fiancee Avril Lavigne is "like taking a bazooka to a knife fight!" The Nickelback singer worked with the 'What The Hell' singer on tracks for her fifth album - a relationship that proved so fruitful it has led to them becoming engaged - and was blown away by her vocal ability from the start.

He exclusively told BANG Showbiz: "It's easier to write for somebody who has got a vocal range like she's got. It's ridiculous how high she can go. She just opens up her throat and it goes higher and higher - and it's amazing, it's like taking a bazooka to a knife fight!"

Yeah, working with Avril is like bringing a bazooka to a knife fight, assuming of course that the bazooka shoots poser douchebaggery and calls it music. Good God, even using the phrase "bazooka to a knife fight" makes me cringe with embarrassment. Chad and Avril's soft rock horseshit are so similarly bland that they really are meant for each other. If we all got together and crowned them "Super Rock Couple of the Century," can we go ahead and deport them back to Canada or Afghanistan or wherever the hell we won't hear from them again? Anywhere except America is fine with me.

*25 Avril Lavigne bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger out and about in Paris (8/21)

I didn't even know these two were dating, but Avril Lavigne is now engaged to Chad Kroeger of Nickelback. It's a match made in shitty music heaven. If they have a daughter, she'll sound just like Rebecca Black. From People:

Lavigne, 27, and Kroeger, 37, first got together in February to co-write a song for Lavigne's upcoming fifth studio album. "A romantic relationship blossomed as they spent time writing together," a Lavigne pal tells People.

On Aug. 8, Kroeger popped the question, presenting Lavigne with a 14-carat diamond sparkler. "He makes her so happy," a family source tells PEOPLE. "Both of their families could not be more excited."

This is a gift from the poseur gods. Avril Lavigne, the queen of the pseudo punk movement, is marrying the guy who's such a non-rock guy that even Kid Rock gets the douche chills when his music comes on. Chris Daughtry has better musical cred than this hack. I'll admit that a union between Avril and Chad will be great for me personally, but is this what passes for news in Canada these days? I think America might want to reexamine our relationship with our maple syrup-slurping neighbors to the north. I'll admit that Canada has come through for us in the past with Pamela Anderson and their excellent ginger ale, but they've also given us Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette. Canada, consider yourselves on double secret probation.

*10 Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger pictures total in the gallery: