Ali Larter's infamous whipped cream bikini in Varsity Blues
There comes a time in every boy's life, when he gets to move beyond the JC Penney catalog fantasies and indulge in something a little more tangible, a little more enlightening. A moment when he gets to see a female body in a state of undress unlike he's ever seen before. It's that first time, when he's gotten to lay his eyes on a half-naked hot chick in a movie. He'll relive it over and over again while amassing a bigger and bigger tissue pile. At that point, life is as good as it's gonna get. Right? You know that was you at some point in your life. You know, before porn took over and taught you all of the realistic approaches to butt sex.
Nevertheless, we have a lot of movies to thank over the years for teaching us what a sexy girl in underwear could look like and act like. So let's pay homage to those movies of our past, the ones you ultimately destroyed from hitting rewind one too many times.
Varsity Blues (1999)
Sure, you went to see this movie because you like football and were hoping for another Remember the Titans or Rudy, but let's be honest, you really went because Ali Larter rolls out in a whipped cream bikini. I'm pretty sure you would never utter "I don't want your life" to James Van Der Beek after that scene.
This is the movie you snuck into but told your parents you were going to see Clueless, or better yet, Toy Story. The ever excited, yet so scared, Elizabeth Berkley rocked many a boob in this movie as a down-trodden turned famous showgirl. The high-waisted panties were just what you ordered.
Empire Records (1995)
Liv Tyler dropping trou for Rex Manning was like getting a real look into the underwear life of your older hot neighbor. No, she's not rocking the risque Adam and Eve lingerie number, she's just wearing a pair of awkward vag-centric white underwear and red bra, getting stoked for Rex Manning Day. Let us give an honorable mention to Renee Zellweger, who gave great side boob when she put on the Music Town apron. Say no more, mon amour!
CHECK OUT THE REST OF THE LIST ON PAGE 2...
The official last day of Summer is this Saturday, so what better way to celebrate than with a gallery of all the celebrities we never want to see in bikinis again? Like Pink, above. She's screwed when Nordstrom finally gets rid of their "Chicks with Cocks" section.
*20 worst celebrity bikini bodies pictures total in the gallery:
The Sexiest Social Media Pics of June
This month's recap of the sexiest social media pics is brought to you by Nina Agdal and focuses on the importance of Sun safety; specifically, the importance of using a good quality sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher. And if you look like Nina, be sure to use generous amounts of sunscreen and lather it on extra slow and maybe moan a little. Or better yet, baby oil. Nah dude, same thing as sunscreen. But only if you look like her.
*97 pictures total in the gallery:
Here's a roundup of all the sexiest social media pics (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) of the past month. That's Ashley Benson, above, on vacation somewhere doing the classic "artsy serious look" pose (Caribbean). Or maybe it's the "oh fuck, I think I have to shit again why did I drink the water" pose (Mexico). Guesses welcome in the comments.
*86 pictures total in the gallery:
Here's the latest installment of the hottest social media pics of the past month. That's Blake Lively looking just ridiculous in yoga pants, above. If you look closely at the picture, you can actually see a giant canyon. No, really, it's there. This isn't a practical joke.
*117 pictures total in the gallery:
Vanessa Hudgens' younger sister Stella Hudgens headlines the latest round of the hottest twitpics of the month. Yup, you read that right. Vanessa Hudgens has a younger sister and she looks like that. Mr. Hudgens is unavailable for comment because he killed himself three years ago the day she hit puberty.
*61 pictures total in the gallery:
Here's a list to keep you busy through Christmas. That's right, Christmas. Not "the holidays" -- Christmas. Santa died for our sins, dammit. The least he deserves is a day in his honor. Anyways, back to the list. Some of these celebs are gonna get wonderful presents, and others are gonna get coal in their stockings. And herpes. Definitely herpes.
NOTE: Each picture in this gallery has commentary below it, so make sure you click through.
*14 pictures total in the gallery:
I know these are a few days late, but as Confucius once said: "One must be patient when dealing with awesome titty." Above is Ashley Benson and Shay Mitchell at ABC Family's Pretty Little Liars wrap party earlier in the month. ABC Family is the dirty little secret of the television world. Tons of hot teen ass but it's OK for dads to watch with their kids because it's on a "Family" network. If network names actually reflected what was on the channel, it'd be called ABC 19-Year-Old Pieces of Ass Practicing Kissing On Other 19-Year-Old Pieces of Ass. God bless America.
*60 pictures total in the gallery: