Celebrity Homes

Nicole Kidman's new building

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban just shelled out $10 million for a new apartment in the Chelsea section of Manhattan. Why is this news? Because their unit includes a god damn car elevator (pic here). Finally, science figured out a way to avoid having to make face-to-face contact with the mouth-breathers that ride in lower class "poor people" elevators that you can't drive your car onto. It's about damn time. From Mavrix:

Kidman and Urban bought a duplex unit that measures 3,248 square feet and includes 3 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, and two city view loggias. The main living spaces are located on the unit's upper floor and include a 20-foot by 22-foot living room with western views over the Hudson River towards New Jersey, and a combination dining room and a gourmet kitchen with folding oiled teak panels that when closed conceal the kitchen equipment.

14 of the building's 16 apartments, come with a private 300 square foot "En-Suite Sky Garage™", accessed by driving one's luxury automobile into a giant key-lock elevator that lifts the car up to the same level as the the apartment to which it is deeded.

In related news, to get to my apartment on the 3rd floor of my building, sometimes I also press the button for the 2nd floor. The longer I'm in the elevator, the more it feels like it's taking me up to my swanky penthouse bachelor pad and not the 410-square-foot studio I share with my mother. *hangs head in shame*

*11 photos total in the gallery:

Celine Dion has too much money

So Celine Dion is building a freaking waterpark in the backyard of her new $20 million waterfront mansion on Jupiter Island in Florida (that's the guest house above). You read that correctly. A waterpark. It has a lazy river, a huge pool, and multiple waterslides. Wow, this totally brings back memories of the waterpark I had in my backyard when I was growing up. It was a garden hose with holes punched in it. Screw you Celine Dion's kids.

*14 pics total in the gallery:

Mischa Barton's home in Beverly Hills

In "totally didn't see this coming" news, Mischa Barton is selling her home. Which is 7,600 square feet. And in Beverly Hills. And she wants $8.4 million. What in the hell? The description from Sotheby's:

Ideally nestled behind gates on over an acre of land within exclusive, gated Bowmont Estates in the BHPO, just minutes from all the action on the famed Sunset Strip or to Rodeo Drive, where only the most exclusive boutiques are located, is a magnificent Tuscan villa. Upon entering the large foyer of the approximately 7,600 square foot home (not including two detached guest suites), one senses that they have entered into a very special place from which one can either enter the great family kitchen or cross the beautiful courtyard and enter an even grander foyer, from which a gracefully ascending staircase takes one upstairs to the family areas of the house. Whether congregating in the media room, entertaining while enjoying the canyon views off the large terrace, walking across the expansive yard or along the garden trail, playing in the pool, or just relaxing in the spa, this property calls to everyone to enjoy. Live the life about which most people can only dream.

FYI: Mischa originally purchased this home for $6.4 million back in 2005 when banks were giving out seven-figure loans like candy, so she stands to make $2 million if it sells (it won't). But back to my main point: Mischa Barton lives in a 7,600 square foot mansion in Beverly Hills?!? She can't even afford an apartment -- how the hell does she afford a mortgage? Wait a minute, she's renting her house out for porn shoots isn't she? I knew I recognized that pool. Schoolgirl Sluts 47, I believe. What a disappointment that movie was. They should have killed the franchise after 46. You make a 47th sequel to a movie, it's pretty clear you're doing it just for the money.

Scarlett Johansson's house at 7222 Senalda Rd. in Los Angeles

In 2007, Scarlett Johansson purchased a pretty kick-ass Spanish Villa in the Hollywood Hills for a mere $7,000,000. After spending untold thousands on renovations, she listed it for sale last week. For $4,950,000. Ouch. In 2007, I rented a studio apartment in a violent section of San Diego for $400/mo. In the three years that I've been living here -- though I did install a pretty nice shelving unit from IKEA -- I have not lost over $2,000,000. My dignity? Yes. $2,000,000? No. Winner: Me.

Nicolas Cage's castle in Somerset, England

Those tax problems I wrote about a few months ago are catching up with Nicolas Cage. He had to sell his English castle. Bummer. From the Daily Mail:

He reportedly paid £5 million for the pile, which is built in the shape of the ace of clubs, two years ago. A potential buyer is understood to have offered a figure close to the guide price of £3.5 million.

"The castle has just come on the market - they have stopped all work on it and instead want to sell as soon as possible," reveals a source close to the sale of the Grade I-listed property, which sits in 35 acres of parkland and 12 acres of woodland. "They have already accepted an offer, even though it is below the guide price. Both buyer and seller want to push things through as quickly as possible."

You know what, I'm OK living in a world where Nic Cage doesn't own a castle. We're talking about the same guy that starred in such craptastic films as Ghost Rider and The Wicker Man. He shouldn't be living in anything larger than a studio apartment in Van Nuys.

Jason Statham has a nice place

Jason Statham 2100+ square foot condo in Hollywood. It's on sale for $1.395 million.

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!

Joan River has a nice place

Joan Rivers' duplex in New York. She just listed it for $25 million.

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!

Leo DiCaprio has a nice house

Leo DiCaprio's beachfront house in Malibu

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!

Nicole Richie has a nice place

Nicole Richie's new home in Laurel Canyon. She just completed purchase of the 5,380 square-foot home for $1.99 million.

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!

Simon Cowell has a nice house

Simon Cowell's new home in Beverly Hills

NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!