Celebrity Arrests

Reese Witherspoon arrested

Turns out "America's Sweetheart" is actually "America's Total Drunken Bitch" -- Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct early Friday morning in Atlanta for being a drunken idiot to the cop who was arresting her husband for DUI. Bitch even pulled the "don't you know who I am?" card. Yeah, you're an actress. You read lines that other, more talented people, wrote for you. From Variety:

Once Toth was placed under arrest, Witherspoon exited the vehicle and was instructed to get back in the car. According to the report, she "stated that she was a 'US citizen' and that she was allowed to 'stand on American ground.'"

The officer then detailed how she resisted as he grabbed her arms to arrest as Toth attempted to calm her down.

As the report details, "Mrs. Witherspoon asked, "Do you know my name?" I answered, "No, I don't need to know your name." I then added, "right now." Mrs. Witherspoon stated, "You're about to find out who I am."

The report also specified, "Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, 'You are going to be on national news.' I advised Mrs. Witherspoon that was fine.

Reese Witherspoon has been arrested more recently than Lindsay Lohan. How fucked up does that sound? And this isn't one of those "I love the forest so much that I'm going to chain myself to this tree"-kind of Hollywood pussy arrests that Clooney's rap sheet is full of. This is a legit "I am a stupid fucking idiot" arrest. So now that Reese's carefully-crafted good girl image is shattered, she might as well embrace it. Start clubbing into the wee hours of the morning. Walk around smoking Swisher Sweets. Date Michael Vick. Go crazy, Reese. You've earned it.

*5 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:

Thomas Gibson at the CBS 2012 Fall Premiere Party at Greystone Manor in West Hollywood (9/18)

Thomas Gibson, who stars on the CBS show Criminal Minds, was arrested for DUI over the weekend in L.A. Did he take a pay cut or something? Weird that he can't afford a cab . . . From TMZ:

Cops believe an intoxicated Gibson tried to drive his Audi SUV through a part of downtown L.A. that had been sectioned off for a nighttime half-marathon around 1 AM on Sunday morning. The footage begins with Gibson standing next to his car speaking with police ... when a bike cop arrives to the scene and screams for the actor to, "Get on the ground, NOW!"

At that point, all of the officers on scene rush toward Gibson and manhandle him to the ground as he yells, "Why?! Why!?" While Gibson is on the ground, he can be heard telling the cops, "I am NOT resisting ... I am NOT resisting!"

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I was driving home at 1 AM and got trapped in the middle of a marath-- the fuck?!? Why is there a god damn marathon in the middle of L.A. at 1 AM? That's drinkin' time. Make no mistake, if you were running a marathon at 1 AM and got hit by Thomas Gibson in an Audi, I would not shed a tear. In fact, I'd picket your funeral like those knuckle draggers at the Westboro Baptist Church. Turns out GOD HATES FAGS and PEOPLE WHO RUN MARATHONS AT 1 AM.

*10 Thomas Gibson pictures total in the gallery:

Josh Brolin arrested

News broke over the weekend that Josh Brolin was arrested in Santa Monica for public intoxication on New Year's Eve and spent the night in the drunk tank. Ouch, prison rape is not the funnest way to ring in the new year. From Yahoo!:

Santa Monica Police Lt. Darrell Lowe says the actor was not given a citation for the Tuesday arrest, which means he likely won't have to appear in court. Lowe says Brolin was arrested just before midnight January 1, when officers found him heavily intoxicated on a Santa Monica sidewalk. He was booked into jail and released about six hours later after he had sobered up.

"Heavily Intoxicated on a Santa Monica Sidewalk" -- that's actually the working title of the memoirs Lindsay Lohan is currently writing. What a weird coincidence.

*5 Josh Brolin pictures total in the gallery:

Fred Willard got caught beating off in a theater

Veteran actor Fred Willard was arrested last night in Hollywood on suspicion of engaging in a lewd act at an adult theater. In other words, he got caught jerking it Pee-wee Herman style. From the Los Angeles Times:

The 72-year-old actor was arrested about 8:30 p.m. Wednesday by uniformed vice officers doing a routine inspection at the Tiki Theater in the 5400 block of Santa Monica Boulevard, said Los Angeles police Sgt. Chuck Slater. Slater said officers observed Willard "engaged in a lewd act" but did not elaborate. Willard was booked and released on his own recognizance, Slater said.

Wow, beating off in an adult theater -- that's so old school. I didn't even know adult theaters still existed. I mean, was his internet down? Couldn't he take his iPad to a Starbucks and lock himself in the bathroom and have at it? I know it doesn't have quite the same ambiance as the Tiki Theater, but it does have free WiFi. Nothing makes me cum faster than free WiFi. 802.11b . . . aw yeah, baby.

*5 Fred Willard pictures total in the gallery:

Matthew Fox leaving his hotel in New York (4/26)

I didn't touch on this yesterday, but former Lost star Matthew Fox was arrested for DUI in Bend, Oregon on Friday. He was pulled over and arrested after an officer noticed him weaving in and out of a lane and failing to signal properly. He actually was going to take a cab home, but ultimately decided not to because he's a fucking idiot. Yup, that'll burn you every time.

*15 Matthew Fox pictures total in the gallery:

Lisa Robin Kelly's mug shot

Lisa Robin Kelly, who played Eric's (Topher Grace) older sister Laurie on That 70's Show, was arrested Saturday morning at her home in Lost Hills, CA and booked on a felony charge of corporal injury upon a spouse. After seeing her mug shot, everyone on the internet said:

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

On the one hand, I feel sad for Lisa, but on the other, happy for drug dealers all over California. Seriously, 52 of them just realized that the chick that blew them last month for a free eight ball of meth used to be on That 70's Show. They totally hooked up with a celebrity!



*5 Lisa Robin Kelly pictures total in the gallery:

Mitchel Musso busted for DUI

Disney star Mitchel Musso -- he played Oliver on Hannah Montana and is the voice of Jeremy on Phineas and Ferb -- was busted for DUI at 3:43 on Sunday morning in Burbank. The kicker? He's only 20. Awesome. Burbank spokesman Sean Kelley said in a statement:

"An officer was directing traffic and Musso failed to slow down when coming to the intersection. He didn't obey instructions and was pulled over. A DUI investigation was held and he was given a field sobriety test. Musso is 20 years old so any alcohol in his system is illegal. He was well over the 0.08 limit."

You know who also used to star on Hannah Montana? Yep, Miley Cyrus. I'm not trying to imply that this is her fault, but this is definitely her fault. She always used to make fun of Mitchel and say he was a dork because he didn't drink. "But no, Miley," Mitchel may have said one time. "That party at your house with marijuana smoking and underage drinking will interfere with my scheduled shift at the soup kitchen." Looks like she finally broke him. Damn you Miley Cyrus. HOW MANY MORE YOUNG LIVES MUST YOU CLAIM!

*5 Mitchel Musso pictures total in the gallery:

Sam Ronson busted for DUI

Lindsay Lohan's ex-lover Samantha Ronson (ironically waiting for a cab earlier this year in New York) was busted for DUI on her way home from Las Vegas yesterday at 10:30AM. Ouch - the ol' morning after DUI. From TMZ:

We're told she was given a field sobriety test and didn't perform well. She refused to submit to a breathalyzer and was arrested on the scene. She was transported to the Baker [CA] substation, where we're told she blew over the legal limit. According to sources, she was cooperative the entire time.

Sam DJ'd [Sunday] night at the Lavo nightclub in the Palazzo hotel in Vegas.

Apparently the CHP officer knew Sam was drunk when she started talking to him and he suddenly got a whiff of her breath: "Wait a minute . . . I smell something fishy."

*10 Samantha Ronson pictures total in the gallery:

Nicolas Cage's booking photo

Nic Cage was arrested in New Orleans early Saturday morning for basically being a drunken ass. Damn, he should have used his acting skills to talk his way out of the arrest. On second thought . . . TMZ says:

According to the NOPD, Cage and and his wife were standing in front of a property he believed they were renting. She disagreed and, according to the NOPD, he grabbed her by the arm to pull her to the correct address. Police say there were no visible signs of injury on her arm.

The NOPD went on to say Cage then began to hit parked cars and later attempted to get into a taxi. Cops say Cage eventually got into a cab, but a police officer ordered him out ... which "prompted Cage to start yelling."

As TMZ first reported, that discussion with police included Cage daring cops to arrest him ... which they eventually did.

According to Cage, the arrest was nothing but a big misunderstanding. He was simply preparing for his leading role in the new Mel Gibson biopic, but no one told the cops. I bet they were Jews. Figures. I hear they practically run the South.

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler arrested

And now, the most predictable story ever about Christina Aguilera. From TMZ:

Christina Aguilera was arrested early this morning along with her boyfriend  in West Hollywood, TMZ has learned.  Christina was popped for public intoxication and her boyfriend was arrested for driving under the influence.

Aguilera was arrested at 2:45 AM and booked at the West Hollywood Sheriff's substation on a misdemeanor charge.

On the booking report, Aguilera was listed at 5'2" and 100 pounds.

Aguilera's 25-year-old boyfriend Matthew Rutler was also arrested last night at the same time for a misdemeanor offense. According to the L.A. County Sheriff's Department, Rutler's bail was set at $30,000.

Law enforcement sources tell us Aguilera appeared to be "extremely intoxicated" and was "unable to take care of herself."

How funny is it that Christina's weight was listed at 100 pounds? What, was Matthew so drunk that he drove through a tear in the space-time continuum and the two ended up being arrested back in 1998?

*5 Christina Aguilera and Matthew Rutler pictures total in the gallery: