Alec Baldwin arrested in New York
Stop me if you've heard this story before, but Alec Baldwin was being a little asshole in New York today. BONUS
: And he was arrested because of it (pic here
)! Hooray for consequences! From the New York Post
Hot-headed actor Alec Baldwin was busted and cuffed Tuesday morning after riding his bicycle the wrong way up Fifth Avenue and then swearing at two female cops who pulled him over -- later griping, "How old are these officers? They don't know who I am?"
"Hey, aren't you that fat guy from 30 Rock
?" I'm shocked they didn't recognize him.
Baldwin blew his top at the cops when they questioned him, the sources said. "He became belligerent, yelling and screaming at the officers: 'I don't have ID. Just give me the fucking summonses,'" a source said.
Yelling at police officers? Gee, what could possibly go wrong?
Because of his bad attitude and lack of ID, the cops handcuffed him and brought him to the 13th Precinct station house for a warrant check, sources said.
Ohhhhhhhh . . . mmmmmmmmm . . . oyyyyyyyyyyy . . . ahhhhhhhhhh . . . is it possible to have an orgasm without any sexual contact whatsoever? Because that last sentence just made me cum.NOTE
: I am a little disappointed that, in an article about Alec Baldwin being arrested, the phrase "Rodney King-like beating" wasn't used at all. Bummer.
*11 Alec Baldwin pictures total in the gallery:
Justin Bieber arriving at 52 Division Police Station in Toronto
Justin Bieber is running up quite the rap sheet. Just days after being arrested for turning South Florida into his own bacchanal paradise, he turned himself into police in Toronto to face charges that he repeatedly punched a limo driver on December 29. "I said not to take the freeway, you idiot!" A statement from the Toronto Police reads:
"While driving the group to a hotel, an altercation occurred between one of the passengers and the driver of the limousine. In the course of the altercation, a man struck the limousine driver on the back of the head several times. The driver stopped the limousine, exited the vehicle and called police."
So now we got this limo thing, the DUI drag-racing
thing, and the egging
thing. Can we just consolidate everything into one case, and then try it in Texas or North Korea? Actually, that's fucked up. Not Texas. Justin's a little asshole, but even he doesn't deserve that. Call me, Kim Jong, and let's get this ball rolling, or maple syrup flowing, or whatever the hell they say up north.
*5 Justin Bieber pictures total in the gallery:
Chris Brown performing at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia
Chris Brown spent the weekend in a Washington, D.C. jail after being arrested Sunday morning for felony assault. Chris Brown, you say? Are you sure? Seems like he'd be too busy volunteering down at the soup kitchen to get mixed up in all this assault business. From CNN
The police incident report obtained by CNN identified the alleged victim as Isaac Adams Parker, 20, of Beltsville, Maryland. Parker did not immediately respond to a CNN call for comment.
Parker told police that he tried to jump into a photo that Brown was posing for with a female fan on the sidewalk when the singer said, "I'm not down with that gay shit" and "I feel like boxing," the police report said. Parker said that Brown then punched him in the face with his closed fist, the report said.
This "incident" is especially problematic for Chris since he's still on probation for beating Rihanna half to death in 2009. On the bright side, he's now the favorite to win the costume contest at the big Halloween party later this week when he dresses up as a REALISTIC JAILHOUSE GANG RAPE VICTIM. We can only hope :)
*10 Chris Brown pictures total in the gallery:
Emma Roberts and Evan Peters out and about in New York
Emma Roberts was arrested last weekend for beating the shit out of her boyfriend, actor Evan Peters, leaving him with a bloody nose and bite marks. Damn, I had no idea bitch was that crazy. Seriously, who would have thought that Emma -- one of the least threatening celebrities around -- would be soul mates with Chris Brown? They should go harass Rihanna together on their first date. The couple's rep released the following statement to Us Weekly
"It was an unfortunate incident and misunderstanding. Ms. Roberts was released after questioning and the couple are working together to move past it."
When asked by the media about the incident involving her niece, Emma's aunt Julia Roberts put an entire bowling ball in her mouth. Because she can do that.*10 Emma Roberts pictures total in the gallery:
Reese Witherspoon arrested
Turns out "America's Sweetheart" is actually "America's Total Drunken Bitch" -- Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct early Friday morning in Atlanta for being a drunken idiot to the cop who was arresting her husband for DUI. Bitch even pulled the "don't you know who I am?" card. Yeah, you're an actress. You read lines that other, more talented people, wrote for you. From Variety
Once Toth was placed under arrest, Witherspoon exited the vehicle and was instructed to get back in the car. According to the report, she "stated that she was a 'US citizen' and that she was allowed to 'stand on American ground.'"
The officer then detailed how she resisted as he grabbed her arms to arrest as Toth attempted to calm her down.
As the report details, "Mrs. Witherspoon asked, "Do you know my name?" I answered, "No, I don't need to know your name." I then added, "right now." Mrs. Witherspoon stated, "You're about to find out who I am."
The report also specified, "Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, 'You are going to be on national news.' I advised Mrs. Witherspoon that was fine.
Reese Witherspoon has been arrested more recently than Lindsay Lohan. How fucked up does that sound? And this isn't one of those "I love the forest so much that I'm going to chain myself to this tree"-kind of Hollywood pussy arrests that Clooney's rap sheet is full of. This is a legit "I am a stupid fucking idiot" arrest. So now that Reese's carefully-crafted good girl image is shattered, she might as well embrace it. Start clubbing into the wee hours of the morning. Walk around smoking Swisher Sweets. Date Michael Vick. Go crazy, Reese. You've earned it.*5 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:
Thomas Gibson at the CBS 2012 Fall Premiere Party at Greystone Manor in West Hollywood
Thomas Gibson, who stars on the CBS show Criminal Minds
, was arrested for DUI over the weekend in L.A. Did he take a pay cut or something? Weird that he can't afford a cab . . . From TMZ
Cops believe an intoxicated Gibson tried to drive his Audi SUV through a part of downtown L.A. that had been sectioned off for a nighttime half-marathon around 1 AM on Sunday morning. The footage begins with Gibson standing next to his car speaking with police ... when a bike cop arrives to the scene and screams for the actor to, "Get on the ground, NOW!"
At that point, all of the officers on scene rush toward Gibson and manhandle him to the ground as he yells, "Why?! Why!?" While Gibson is on the ground, he can be heard telling the cops, "I am NOT resisting ... I am NOT resisting!"
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I was driving home at 1 AM and got trapped in the middle of a marath-- the fuck?!? Why is there a god damn marathon in the middle of L.A. at 1 AM? That's drinkin' time. Make no mistake, if you were running a marathon at 1 AM and got hit by Thomas Gibson in an Audi, I would not shed a tear. In fact, I'd picket your funeral like those knuckle draggers at the Westboro Baptist Church. Turns out GOD HATES FAGS and PEOPLE WHO RUN MARATHONS AT 1 AM.*10 Thomas Gibson pictures total in the gallery:
Josh Brolin arrested
News broke over the weekend that Josh Brolin was arrested in Santa Monica for public intoxication on New Year's Eve and spent the night in the drunk tank. Ouch, prison rape is not the funnest way to ring in the new year. From Yahoo!
Santa Monica Police Lt. Darrell Lowe says the actor was not given a citation for the Tuesday arrest, which means he likely won't have to appear in court. Lowe says Brolin was arrested just before midnight January 1, when officers found him heavily intoxicated on a Santa Monica sidewalk. He was booked into jail and released about six hours later after he had sobered up.
"Heavily Intoxicated on a Santa Monica Sidewalk" -- that's actually the working title of the memoirs Lindsay Lohan is currently writing. What a weird coincidence.
*5 Josh Brolin pictures total in the gallery:
Fred Willard got caught beating off in a theater
Veteran actor Fred Willard was arrested last night in Hollywood on suspicion of engaging in a lewd act at an adult theater. In other words, he got caught jerking it Pee-wee Herman style. From the Los Angeles Times
The 72-year-old actor was arrested about 8:30 p.m. Wednesday by uniformed vice officers doing a routine inspection at the Tiki Theater in the 5400 block of Santa Monica Boulevard, said Los Angeles police Sgt. Chuck Slater. Slater said officers observed Willard "engaged in a lewd act" but did not elaborate. Willard was booked and released on his own recognizance, Slater said.
Wow, beating off in an adult theater -- that's so old school. I didn't even know adult theaters still existed. I mean, was his internet down? Couldn't he take his iPad to a Starbucks and lock himself in the bathroom and have at it? I know it doesn't have quite the same ambiance as the Tiki Theater, but it does have free WiFi. Nothing makes me cum faster than free WiFi. 802.11b . . . aw yeah, baby.*5 Fred Willard pictures total in the gallery:
Matthew Fox leaving his hotel in New York
I didn't touch on this yesterday, but former Lost
star Matthew Fox was arrested for DUI in Bend, Oregon on Friday. He was pulled over and arrested after an officer noticed him weaving in and out of a lane and failing to signal properly. He actually was going to take a cab home, but ultimately decided not to because he's a fucking idiot. Yup, that'll burn you every time.*15 Matthew Fox pictures total in the gallery:
Lisa Robin Kelly's mug shot
Lisa Robin Kelly, who played Eric's (Topher Grace) older sister Laurie on That 70's Show
, was arrested Saturday morning at her home in Lost Hills, CA and booked on a felony charge of corporal injury upon a spouse. After seeing her mug shot, everyone on the internet said:
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
On the one hand, I feel sad for Lisa, but on the other, happy for drug dealers all over California. Seriously, 52 of them just realized that the chick that blew them last month for a free eight ball of meth used to be on That 70's Show
. They totally hooked up with a celebrity!*5 Lisa Robin Kelly pictures total in the gallery: