Cash Warren

Jessica Alba at the Orange British Academy Film Awards (BAFTAs) held at the Royal Opera House in London (2/13)

Aw got dammit. Jessica Alba posted on her Facebook earlier today:

It’s been a while since I’ve been on FB & I thought I’d drop by to let you all in on some exciting news>Honor is going to be a Big Sister! Cash and I are thrilled and wanted to share the news directly with you so you didn’t hear about it somewhere else. I appreciated all of the love and support you all gave me during my first pregnancy and will definitely appreciate it again this time around. Have a great day! Jess

It's too bad Jessica had to announce this. Although Justin Bieber certainly wouldn't have agreed with it, we could have taken care of this problem. I would have given her money to pay for it. I'm a gentleman like that. My parents raised me right.

*33 Jessica Alba pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren in Miami in 2007

Jessica Alba wants another baby -- Score for Cash Warren! . . . by adoption -- Nevermind! From People:

[Jessica Alba], who has nearly 2-year-old daughter Honor Marie with husband Cash Warren, spoke about wanting a bigger family on Sunday night's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, in which she helps rebuild a home for a Texas foster family of 15.

"If you have the love, and the capacity to love children, you should just adopt. And I plan on doing it, " says Alba, 28, who most recently appeared in Valentine's Day. "My mom grew up around a huge family, and they always wanted more kids, and I was like, ‘Why don’t you just adopt?’ ”

What the hell is wrong with Cash? He's married to one of the hottest women on the planet, she wants more kids, and he's OK with adopting? If I was him, I'd be fertilizing Jessica more often than a rose garden. The bottom line is that adopting a child in need is a noble and selfless thing to do, but something that should be done by people that don't have what Jessica has: that ass.

Lindsay Lohan at JFK airport in New York (12/1)

With Tiger Woods and his gaggle of whores (or is it 'flock'?) dominating the headlines this week, it's easy to forget that other celebrities are cheating on their wives, too. Like Jessica Alba's husband Cash Warren. With Lindsay Lohan. Wait, what? The Mirror hinted at it earlier this week and Us Weekly has the full story today:

There were barely any celebrities at West Hollywood hotspot Villa the night of November 19 -- which might be why Lindsay Lohan and Cash Warren immediately gravitated towards one another.

Film producer Warren, 30, was partying without Jessica Alba, his wife of one and half years and mom to his daughter Honor, 18 months. "When he goes out with friends, he gets into trouble," a pal says of Alba's husband in the new issue of Us Weekly.

Indeed. Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan "ignored friends and just chatted." The real trouble began half an hour in. "Lindsay and Cash started making out," an onlooker tells Us.

"Lip on tongue," the eyewitness continues, "It was raw. They were not shy!"

Another Villa patron that night gasped, "It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real."

What guy in his right mind would hook up with Lindsay Lohan when he has this ass at home? That's like choosing a '92 Dodge Neon over a 2010 Bugatti Veyron. The only conceivable reason for why Cash would make out with Lindsay is that he either lost a bet or he was curious to find out what a combination of scurvy and Sam Ronson's vagina tasted like. A lot like chicken, I've heard.

UPDATE: Lindsay issued a statement to E!, denying the hookup:

"Cash Warren is a BUSINESS partner, nothing more, nothing less. And I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work, as well as my family, and getting everyone holiday gifts! Eeeks-stressful!"

"Business partner"? "Focusing on my career/work"? Lindsay really thinks we'll believe that? She might has well have said that she couldn't have made out with Cash that night because she was on the moon.

Jessica Alba and her daughter Honor Marie leaving Nate'n Al's restaurant in Beverly Hills (3/15)

Jessica Alba and husband Cash Warren are supposedly trying to have another baby. Alba gave birth to her first child, daughter Honor Marie, last June. An insider told the National Enquirer:

 "Jessica and Cash are working overtime to get pregnant. She and Cash are boasting that they love being parents and are determined to expand their family as soon as possible."

Hate to break it to you Jessica, but I don't think Cash likes babies so much as he likes making babies. If it was up to Cash, I'm sure he would have given Honor Marie up for adoption. "C'mon Jessica, she's can't stop shitting and pissing her pants. Let's just give her away and make another one, one that's not broken."

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren leaving Bardot nightclub (12/29)

I guess when you're the only breadwinner in your family, you're allowed to be a bitch sometimes. From the National Enquirer:

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren left their baby at home on De. 29 and hit Hollywood's Bardot. But Jess was NOT happy with Cash's overenthusiastic reaction to the women in the club's burlesque show - and they left immediately after it ended. (Print Edition - 1/19)

If you're Cash Warren, you better thank Allah every single second of the day that you somehow ended up with Jessica Alba. And if some $8/hour bar floozy throws her flabby ass in your direction, you better turn the other cheek and coo into Jessica's ear how lucky you are to be with her. Then, when her postpartum depression is just starting to abate, dump her ass with that newborn and get yourself some fresh poon. Just saying . . . Jessica's almost 30. I mean, who wants to date a 30-year-old? That's just gross.

Jessica Alba and her mom Catherine in Beverly Hills (1/6)

You know how most women end up looking like their mom? Well I'm pretty sure if Cash Warren left now, he could be deep into Mexico by sundown. "I look like Cash who? Umm, my name's Juan."