Casey Johnson

Tila Tequila outside her home in L.A. (1/7)

Despite all evidence to the contrary (Casey phoned a few of her friends and told them the relationship was "all for show"), Tila Tequila continues to keep up the charade that Casey Johnson and her had a real relationship. Now Tila wants to adopt Casey's daughter Ava. Of course she does. From the New York Daily News:

In a new twist to the Casey Johnson saga, Tila Tequila reveals that she is seeking custody of her late fiancée’s adopted daughter.

Johnson's mother, Sale, currently has custody of Ava, 3, which Tequila insists goes against what her "wifey” wanted.

"Her last wish was to have Ava, have me have Ava," Tequila told "Extra," explaining that she intends to file adoption papers.

In the shocking event that Tila is unable to adopt her -- ya' know, since she has no parental rights to her whatsoever; it'd be like me trying to adopt one of Angelina Jolie's kids -- Plan B is to set Ava on fire and throw her into a trash compactor. Child Protective Services is currently endorsing "Plan B."

Tila Tequila leaving Cedars Sinai hospital in West Hollywood (1/8)

Not-so-shocking news about Tila Tequila -- her engagement to now-deceased heiress Casey Johnson was just a sham to drump up publicity for her new website. Awww, how heartwarming. From the New York Daily News:

Publicity-addicted sex panther Tila Tequila is said to have had some help in luring the now-departed Casey Johnson into that video where Tequila announced they were "engaged." Some insiders believe "Girls Gone Wild" pornmeister Joe Francis was the secret architect of the sad spectacle, which they say was designed to hype Tequila's Francis-financed Web site. Tila's assistant, Jessica Cohen, insists the video "had nothing to do with 'Girls Gone Wild.'" Francis' rep didn't return calls.

Lies! All lies! Tila and Casey's romance was straight out of a fairy tale: Alien-looking girl meets girl. Girls fall in love and get engaged. Alien-looking girl hatches plan to use other girl to promote website. Other girl inserts football into alien-looking girl's vagina to consummate relationship. Girl dies. Alien-looking girl is fake sad. It's a classic love story. I wouldn't be surprised if Universal bought the movie rights to it. ". . . starring Sandra Bullock as Tila Tequila and Julia Roberts as Casey Johnson."

Tila Tequila is inappropriate

Tila Tequila! From her Twitter last night:

I just got news that my fiance is not dead but currently in a coma!!!

You got your work cut out for you Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton. That is gonna be a tough one to beat.

Casey Johnson dead at the age of 30

25 days ago, Tila Tequila announced her engagement to heiress Casey Johnson at the Famous Stars and Straps 10th Anniversary Party in Hollywood. And now Casey Johnson is dead. Hate to say I saw this one coming but . . . From People:

Casey Johnson, the heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune who recently made tabloid headlines with a purported engagement to reality star Tila Tequila, has died at age 30. Los Angeles police and firefighters were called to a house at 11:51 a.m. Monday. Johnson was pronounced dead at the scene.

"It appears to be a natural death," says police Officer Sara Faden. "There's no evidence of foul play. A toxicology report from the coroner's office will proceed next."

Johnson, who leaves a toddler daughter Ava whom she had adopted, was the great-great granddaughter of the founder of the pharmaceutical giant, and the daughter of New York Jets owner Robert Wood Johnson.

Now I don't want to accuse Tila of anything -- that's just irresponsible -- but I did just hear a report on my police scanner for all Southern California law enforcement officials to "be on the lookout for a Vietnamese-alien-troll-looking-bitch driving a black BMW sedan with the license plate 4LNX8HL and the license plate frame 'Midgets Do It On Top.' "

Tila Tequila and her "fiancé" Casey Johnson outside Villa Lounge in West Hollywood (12/18)

Remember the very very bad idea involving Tila Tequila's womb and her brother's baby that I posted about on Monday? Well this idea's even worse: she might become a stepmom . . . *quickly does the Sign of the Cross* . . . From the New York Post:

Baby-powder heiress Casey Johnson has flown to New York with her "fiancée," Tila Tequila, to try to reclaim her daughter, Ava, from the custody of her mother, Sale Johnson, and bring the toddler back to LA.

Casey adopted the girl from Kazakhstan two years ago over the objections of her aunt, Libet Johnson, who built an orphanage in Cambodia. But Sale took custody earlier this year out of concern for little Ava's safety.

"Casey is intent on getting her daughter back," an acquaintance from LA told Page Six. But friends are distancing themselves from the increasingly erratic heiress.

"When I went to her rented house on Mulholland Drive recently, it was like Grey Gardens," our source said. "There are dirty dishes everywhere and rotting food. There is graffiti on the walls. The pool looks like a swamp."

Johnson's father, New York Jet owner Woody Johnson, and the rest of the family recently restricted Casey's access to funds because she repeatedly has refused to get the help they say she needs. She's been in rehab several times but has never finished the programs.

Could you imagine the trouble this kid would get into having Tila Tequila as her step mom? "For show and tell today, I brought in mommy's back massager. She has them laying around all over the house."

Tila Tequila and Courtenay Semel at the Viper Room in L.A. (11/23)

You know that ugly chick that Tila Tequila always hangs out with that may or may not be her girlfriend? Her name is Courtenay Semel and she is a violent lesbian. From the New York Post:

Casey Johnson - the madcap Band-Aid heiress whose father, Woody Johnson, owns the Jets - is said to be wearing her hair in a short, butch style following a vicious catfight with her ex-girlfriend, Courtenay Semel. "Casey had a fight one night with her current girlfriend," heavily tattooed Lisa Marie Alvarez, a Los Angeles source, told Page Six. "Casey went to Courtenay's house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized." Casey's mother, Sale Johnson, reportedly flew to LA and consulted with lawyer Robert Shapiro. (Source)

Thank god lesbians can't have kids together. Can you imagine that little troll Tila knocking up Courtenay? During the delivery, I think the obstetrician
would either try to push the baby back in or just pass out.