Recently in Bruce Willis Category

Emma Heming is topless

Bruce Willis somehow convinced his insanely-hot wife Emma Heming to go topless for a photoshoot the couple did for the July issue of W magazine. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: tequila is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It lead to my conception 28 years ago and it lead to me seeing Bruce Willis' wife's boobs today. Pretty much the only thing it can't do is cure cancer . . . or so the powerful prescription drug lobby would have you believe!

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

Bruce Willis and Emma Heming in New York last year

I couldn't help but get a little teary-eyed reading the story of how Bruce Willis met his new wife Emma Heming. I'm such a hopeless romantic! From the New York Post:

An impeccable source tells Page Six: "During the casting of 'Perfect Stranger' [the suspense movie Willis made with Halle Berry two years ago], Bruce was very involved with the casting. In fact, you could say he was extremely involved no matter how minor the role."

At Willis' request, calls were placed to modeling agencies to fill the roles of extras and minor speaking parts. Our casting source said, "He personally went through head shots and when the girls were called in to 'read,' he was there in the meeting. It was odd for the star of a movie to do so, but at the time he was single and I guess he needed a date. He started dating [model] Tamara Feldman, with whom he coincidentally enough had a sex scene."

Then, Heming was selected for a small speaking part. Willis "started dating both Tamara and Emma but obviously, Emma eventually won out," the source said. (Source)

Wow, what a true gentleman. Are we sure that story wasn't pulled straight from the pages of a Danielle Steel novel? I bet, after Bruce and Emma's first date, he was nice enough to hold the door open for her as she was leaving his house the next morning. Who said chivalry is dead!

Bruce Willis and Emma Heming last year

Bruce Willis married his girlfriend of one year, model and actress Emma Heming, on Saturday at his home in Parrot Cay (part of the Turks & Caicos Islands). From People:

With ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher among the guests, Bruce Willis said "I do" with model and actress Emma Heming on Saturday.  Also present among the small group of guests were Moore and Willis's daughters, Rumer Willis, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallullah Belle, 15. The wedding coincided with Willis's birthday: The actor turned 54 on Thursday. Heming is 32. (Source)

So nice of Bruce's ex-wife Demi Moore to show up. When I got remarried last year, I invited my ex-wife but I didn't even hear back from her. Weird. I'm pretty sure I got the address right:

Dumb Cunt
4102 Elm St. #103
Los Angeles, CA  90091

Bruce Willis leaving the Roxbury Cafe in Beverly Hills (7/29)

Let this be a lesson to all the paparazzi out there. Do not fuck with Bruce Willis unless you, uh, want your windshield to, uh, get wet. Let's just hope that cooler heads prevail in the future and the more intrusive paparazzi give celebs a little bit of space. I'd hate to see an innocent person get water spots.

Bauer-Griffin

Bruce Willis with new girlfriend Karen McDougal in St. Tropez over the weekend

More Bruce Willis pics after the jump...

The latest installment of the Die Hard franchise, Live Free or Die Hard, is set to premiere in Japan on June 23 and the rest of the world, June 7. At a press conference in Tokyo on Tuesday, star Bruce Willis admitted:

"It was a really hard film to make. A year ago when we started making this film, the risk factor was very high. There was a high possibility of failure in a film like this. But it turned out very well." (Source)

High risk factor? A midnight assault on a heavily fortified enemy bunker has a high risk factor not some kick-ass big budget Hollywood movie with a ton of explosions and shit that you bet your ass I'll be seeing--maybe twice. Is Bruce trying to say he's better than the troops--those same troops that put their asses on the line in Iraq and Afghanistan every day so big time celebrities like him have an outlet to spit their hate-filled vitriol? I think it's pretty damn clear he's kinda sorta implying that. Dick

Note: Sleeping with this bitch is a high risk factor.

Bruce Willis has a new woman in his life: 23-year-old Tamara Witmer. The former Playboy Playmate is just five years older than Bruce's daughter Rumer. From today's New York Post:

Poor Bruce Willis. Almost nine years after he and wife Demi Moore split, he just can't seem to find age-appropriate partners ... Witmer, for one, isn't bothered by the age difference. "People expect that," she says. She admits being "a little nervous" when she recently met the "Die Hard" star at L.A.'s Peninsula Hotel. "He's got the sexiest voice!" she says. "He's so smooth and suave. I don't mind the bald head. He's really good looking in person." (Source)

Yeah, I feel bad for Bruce Willis too. Trying to find a nympho your own age (especially when you're sixty) can be tough ... and disgusting. That's why I tend date the younger ladies. The key is bagging them before they get their learner's permit. After that they just get all independent and shit.

NOTE: Is implied statutory rape ever not funny?

Daily Mail

Yes that's Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore cuddling in the back of this boat and yes that's Demi's ex-husband Bruce Willis fishing. The picture was taken while the two lovebirds were visiting Willis at his home in the Turks and Caicos Islands. There's a joke about Bruce Willis' long pole that is just screaming to made here. But, for once in my life, I'll take the classy high road. Just this post, though. I got a lot of masturbation and poop jokes planned for next week. It's gonna be awesome. Tell your friends!

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say alcohol was a contributing factor to this hook-up between two very well known celebs over the weekend. From today's New York Daily News:

Bruce Willis celebrated turning 52 last week, and one of his presents was a makeout session with Courtney Love. The unlikely couple were spotted in flagrante canoodle March 19 at the Roxy nightclub on Sunset Blvd. "They were full-on making out," laughs a witness. The venue was packed for a 9 p.m. performance by boozy Brit rocker Amy Winehouse.

Bruce had to be black-out drunk to kiss Courtney Love, right? "Wait, wait, wait, I made out with who? Ahhhh crap!" had to be the first thing out of his mouth when he picked up Monday's Daily News. And then maybe a few gargled screams as the bleach he was chugging to stave off courtneyloveinfection slowly made its way down his trachea.