Bruce Willis

Bruce Willis at his daughter Tallulah's graduation in L.A. (6/7)

No shock here, but Bruce Willis still pretty much wants to punch Ashton Kutcher in the face. And, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with those stupid trucker hats he used to wear. Bruce's ex, Demi Moore, is on the verge of another breakdown, and it's all Ashton's fault. A source told The Globe:

"[Demi] appears to have withdrawn from [her family] and they're concerned she's hiding something. They couldn't take it if she's bombing herself out on prescription drugs or drinking again."

Enter Ashton:

"When [Bruce and Demi's daughter] Tallulah said she'd like to have Ashton at her  graduation, that caused a huge row - with the three sisters wanting to know why couldn't they all get along?" says a friend.

Finally, Bruce said "if Ashton was going, he wasn't," the friend explains. "Bruce blames him for Demi's meltdown. The girls had no choice but to back down, but it really upset Demi they could be so insensitive."

I think I'll have to reevaluate my opinion on Ashton. Is he a popcorn fart that got lucky? Damn straight he is, but the evidence available proves that he's still a class ahead of the Kevin Federlines of the world. Demi and the Willis girls all have something missing inside them -- I'll assume it's either Ashton's eternal love or his man meat. I'm not too sure until my people gather up some more intel. Stay tuned, this should be a fun summer.

*16 Bruce Willis pictures total in the gallery:

Tallulah Willis out and about in Santa Monica (5/26)

Hate to break it to you this way, but your 17-year-old daughter Tallulah smokes cigarettes. Full of cancerous nicotine. Processes and manufactured by Republicans. And of course, she was also busted last week for underage drinking. Congratulations Bruce and Demi, you have officially failed as parents. Sarah Palin has more control of her daughters than you two.

*5 Tallulah Willis pictures total in the gallery:

Bruce Willis and Tallulah Willis in Malibu in 2008

Tallulah Willis (aka the 17-year-old daughter of Bruce Willis/Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore) was busted Friday night for alcohol possession. Teenagers like alcohol? Well I never! From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... cops spotted three girls getting out of a car in Hollywood at around 11:00 PM, carrying what appeared to be two bottles of alcohol. The officers probed further and determined it was indeed the hard stuff. Here's the problem ... all three girls are underage.

Tallulah Belle and her cohorts were cited at the scene for underage possession -- but since Tallulah Belle -- who has appeared in "The Scarlet Letter" and "The Whole Ten Yards" -- is a minor, cops couldn't just release her .... they needed to find an adult to pick her up .

So Tallulah Belle called Bruce ... but a dutiful Demi did the hard labor, getting in a car and retrieving T.B.

If Demi wasn't mad at Tallulah before, she definitely will be after she reads this story. This may just be me, but if I was a mom, I wouldn't want to find out on TMZ that my daughter loved my ex-husband more than she loved me.

*15 Bruce Willis and Tallulah Willis pictures total in the gallery:

Bruce Willis and his smoking-hot wife Emma Heming leave Madeo restaurant in West Hollywood (8/3)

By all accounts, Bruce Willis is a pretty reasonable and down-to-earth guy. Just don't fuck up his dinner. From Mike Walker at the National Enquirer:

Eyewitnesses were shocked when Bruce Willis, dining with wife Emma Heming at the legendary BevHills Hotel Polo Lounge, made a waitress break down in tears after angrily rejecting his meal not once, not twice - but three times! "When Bruce got the lunch he'd ordered, he told the waitress it didn't taste right, so she took it back to the kitchen," said My Spy. "When the waitress brought it out again, Bruce tasted it - then complained bitterly that someone in the kitchen needed to be replaced! He ranted on and on before returning his lunch a second time." When the waitress bustled back with Meal Three, Bruce took one bite, immediately pushed his plate away and whined like a kranky kid: "I can't eat this! I don't understand why you can't get this right." As Bully Baldy lasered his trademark glare at the trembling waitress, she suddenly burst into tears and split. Wife Emma, noticeably embarrassed, abandoned her own lunch when Bruce stood and told her: "We're leaving!" (Print Edition - 8/16)

What a dick. Doesn't Bruce realize that he makes more than that waitress (and this blogger) in twenty seconds than she does the entire year? Have some compassion dude. If Bruce wants to be angry at someone, he should start with his hairdresser. Besides, there's no reason for an irate customer to get angry with the wait staff -- they don't make the food. They just spit in it.

*15 Bruce Willis and Emma Heming pictures total in the gallery:

Bruce Willis is good people

I'd like to think if I was famous, I would act exactly like Bruce Willis . . . not the "generous" part, I mean the "nailing hot ass" part. From the National Enquirer:

Good to hear bighearted Bruce Willis still keeps up a tradition he started when he first got big! His "Dollar Day Fridays" are staged every week on the set of his new movie "Red," with Bruce -- who's raking in $10 million dollars for the flick -- tossing $10,000 dollars into a pot that just one lucky crew member will win. Everyone gets a free numbered ticket, and on Fridays, Bruce draws the lucky number and hands 10 grand to a hyperventilating winner. One restriction: Winners can only win once. (National Enquirer print - April 5)

In all seriousness, that's a pretty cool thing for Bruce to do. Of course if he really wanted to be generous, he'd give me and everyone else back the $11.50 we spent at the theater on Cop Out . . . crap, I can't believe I just admitted I actually paid to see that.

Bruce Willis and Emma Heming at the premiere of Cop Out at AMC Loews Lincoln Square in New York (2/22)

In this post we stare at Bruce Willis' ridiculously hot wife Emma Heming for 30 seconds while thinking impure thoughts. Ready . . . Go!

Emma Heming is topless

Bruce Willis somehow convinced his insanely-hot wife Emma Heming to go topless for a photoshoot the couple did for the July issue of W magazine. I've said it once, and I'll say it again: tequila is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It lead to my conception 28 years ago and it lead to me seeing Bruce Willis' wife's boobs today. Pretty much the only thing it can't do is cure cancer . . . or so the powerful prescription drug lobby would have you believe!

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

Bruce Willis and Emma Heming in New York last year

I couldn't help but get a little teary-eyed reading the story of how Bruce Willis met his new wife Emma Heming. I'm such a hopeless romantic! From the New York Post:

An impeccable source tells Page Six: "During the casting of 'Perfect Stranger' [the suspense movie Willis made with Halle Berry two years ago], Bruce was very involved with the casting. In fact, you could say he was extremely involved no matter how minor the role."

At Willis' request, calls were placed to modeling agencies to fill the roles of extras and minor speaking parts. Our casting source said, "He personally went through head shots and when the girls were called in to 'read,' he was there in the meeting. It was odd for the star of a movie to do so, but at the time he was single and I guess he needed a date. He started dating [model] Tamara Feldman, with whom he coincidentally enough had a sex scene."

Then, Heming was selected for a small speaking part. Willis "started dating both Tamara and Emma but obviously, Emma eventually won out," the source said. (Source)

Wow, what a true gentleman. Are we sure that story wasn't pulled straight from the pages of a Danielle Steel novel? I bet, after Bruce and Emma's first date, he was nice enough to hold the door open for her as she was leaving his house the next morning. Who said chivalry is dead!

Bruce Willis and Emma Heming last year

Bruce Willis married his girlfriend of one year, model and actress Emma Heming, on Saturday at his home in Parrot Cay (part of the Turks & Caicos Islands). From People:

With ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher among the guests, Bruce Willis said "I do" with model and actress Emma Heming on Saturday.  Also present among the small group of guests were Moore and Willis's daughters, Rumer Willis, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallullah Belle, 15. The wedding coincided with Willis's birthday: The actor turned 54 on Thursday. Heming is 32. (Source)

So nice of Bruce's ex-wife Demi Moore to show up. When I got remarried last year, I invited my ex-wife but I didn't even hear back from her. Weird. I'm pretty sure I got the address right:

Dumb Cunt
4102 Elm St. #103
Los Angeles, CA  90091