Brooke Mueller


Brooke Mueller in Maui, Hawaii (6/14)

Charlie Sheen's ex-wife Brooke Mueller was arrested in Aspen over the weekend on charges of felony cocaine possession and misdemeanor 3rd degree assault (mug shot here). Cops found cocaine on Brooke after she was arrested for assaulting a woman at the Belly Up bar. That's Brooke above in June openly buying drugs on the rough and tumble streets of Maui. Amazing that she was somehow able to avoid arrest all the way to December until the Aspen PD finally caught up with her. She's like a crackhead ninja.

*17 Brooke Mueller pictures total in the gallery:

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Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller boarding a private jet in L.A. (8/19)

Oy vey, this will not end well. Either someone's overdosing (Charlie) or someone's getting buried in the backyard next to all the hookers (Brooke). From TMZ:
Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have officially left the country ... together ... and TMZ has learned the private jet carrying the twosome has touched down in Mexico. The former couple hopped on the jet late Friday afternoon ... judging by the photo they posed for on the plane (above), they look like they're heading on their honeymoon all over again.

Charlie tells TMZ ... he decided to take Brooke on the trip as a reward because she's been, "busting her ass with the boys, and [she's] more sober and healthy than I've ever seen her."

As we previously reported ... Charlie has made it his personal mission to help get Brooke the treatment she needs to finally conquer her addictions.
When Charlie Sheen's the one deciding whether or not you're "sober and healthy," you know you've got issues. That guy knows clean living about as much as Sandra Bernhard knows runway modeling. Of course, the real reason Charlie probably brought that dumbass Brooke to Mexico is to be his coke mule. You'd be amazed how many bags of blow you can fit into an empty skull.

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Charlie Sheen at the tour afterparty at Enclave nightclub in Chicago (4/3)

Hmmmm, I wonder if Denise Richards' "spy" joined in on the "Fuck that bitch" chant Charlie Sheen led his Cleveland audience in at his show on Tuesday? From the Chicago Sun Times:
L.A. sources close to Sheen’s ex-wife Denise Richards and soon-to-be-ex Brooke Mueller tell me the two women both have arranged for tickets to be bought for all of Sheen’s shows so their personal spies can record the actor’s comments about them — in case those rants are needed for further legal proceedings.
These women are pathetic if they need to send someone to spy on Charlie at his shows. Not because they're stalking him, but because they actually need MORE evidence than they already have for "further legal proceedings." At this point, they could basically play any one of the TV appearances he's made in the last month and just say, "Exhibit A, your Honor. We rest our case." We're not exactly talking about Marbury v. Madison here.

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Paris Hilton and Brooke Mueller shopping in West Hollywood (11/22)

Paris Hilton helped ruin Charlie Sheen's ex Brooke Mueller's life over Thanksgiving. Aw, how sweet. From Flash City:
Charlie Sheen's ex Brooke Mueller was spotted leaving the Farmer's Daughter Hotel in LA and heading straight to rehab early on Thanksgiving morning. According to a source, Brooke had been partying with Paris Hilton (with whom she's currently filming a reality show) the previous night, causing friends and family to turn up at her hotel at 6am to stage what appeared to be an intervention. After four hours inside the hotel, the family as well as a rep from the sober house, emerged escorting a visibly-dazed Brooke -- still in her pajamas -- to a rehab facility in Beverly Hills. While Brooke has since stepped out for a fancy dinner in LA, her lawyer confirmed she entered the sober house on the morning of Thanksgiving.
Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that Paris Hilton actually encouraged someone with a history of drug and alcohol abuse to party with her? OK, yeah, I can buy that. Paris has roughly the same amount of empathy inside her as a rock or telephone pole.

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Charlie Sheen arriving to the Pitkin County Courthouse in Aspen (2/8)

I don't consider myself a rehab expert, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to treat it like night school. From TMZ:
Charlie Sheen will resume shooting "Two and a Half Men" next week during the day, but he'll go back to rehab at night.

As we first reported Sheen was going back to the set next week to shoot the remaining 4 episodes of the season. Our sources tell us Charlie will be in rehab full-time until early Monday morning, when he'll fly to Aspen for his felony arraignment. He'll come back to L.A. Monday night, where he'll sleep at the rehab facility and then show up on Tuesday to film the show. We're told after each day on the set Charlie will go directly back to rehab.

As for how he's doing, multiple sources say he's doing great and his doctors have given him the go-ahead to resume filming.
It's nice to know Charlie's taking this whole rehab/domestic abuse thing seriously. It's also nice to know that if you're a high-profile celebrity, you can get away with threatening to murder your spouse with a knife. Perhaps the best perk of fame isn't the money or random sluts throwing themselves at you, but the one thing that playing the game of Monopoly is best known for: making you the most popular kid in High School the "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

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Charlie Sheen leaving a doctor's office in Beverly Hills (2/22)

Don't let the white picket fence fool you, there is some freaky stuff going down at the Sheen-Mueller household. From Radar:
Sheen and Brooke Mueller have had multiple sex partners together in the short time that they have been married, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively. One source estimates that they have shared as many as 10 partners - some male and some female.

It’s an outrageous development to an already scandalous marriage. As RadarOnline.com reported on Tuesday, one woman is about to come forward and tell her story of having sex with both Charlie and Brooke.

We’ve also learned that the woman is single, not a prostitute and is shopping her story to the highest bidder. One source told RadarOnline.com that she has already had an offer of $40,000 to tell her story.

And she is not alone. There are many other women, and a few men, who have participated in sexual activity with Brooke and Charlie during the course of their marriage.

“It’s more twisted than anyone knows or has suspected,” a source who knows both of them told RadarOnline.com. “It’s crazy.”
Charlie better cool it with all this threesome stuff -- I'd hate for people to start thinking of him as some kind of sex freak. That would absolutely kill the sales of the new children's book he has in development, You Want to Fuck My Wife?. Hmmm, I think he needs to work on the title.

NOTE: Now we know why Charlie named his show Two and a Half Men. It's the average number of dudes his wife is nailing each night.

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Charlie Sheen is in deep shit

The shit hit the fan for Charlie Sheen late yesterday. For that little Christmas Day incident where he threatened to kill his wife Brooke Mueller, he was charged with felony menacing, third-degree assault and criminal mischief. He faces up to three years in prison. From the Los Angeles Times:
Sheen faces up to three years imprisonment if convicted on the felony menacing charge. He is scheduled to return to court March 15. If a disposition isn't worked out, Cummins said, Sheen would enter a not guilty plea. Mueller was also looking for a peaceful resolution, her lawyer said.

"Her druthers would be for the charges to be dropped and to go away," Galanter said.

Sheen was arrested Dec. 25 in Aspen after Mueller called police, saying she feared for her life. Sheen and Mueller had been arguing early that morning when she said she wanted a divorce, according to an affidavit. Mueller, 32, told police that Sheen, 44, had pinned her to the bed, gripped her neck with one hand and held a knife to her throat as he straddled her.
Read that last sentence again. Pretty serious stuff. Which is going to make it all the more ridiculous when Charlie serves no time for this whatsoever. If I pulled this shit on my girlfriend, I'd serve so much time in prison that my asshole would look like a mason jar by the time I got out. Charlie might get a year's probation, but only if he calls the judge a "fucking cocksucker" in open court.

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Brooke Mueller leaving the Byron and Tracey salon in Beverly Hills (4/4/2009)

Remember last February when Charlie Sheen's wife Brooke Mueller was hospitalized due to complications with her pregnancy? Well it turns out complications are a pretty common thing during a pregnancy . . . . ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DRINK TOO MUCH. From RadarOnline:
Charlie Sheen’s wife went to rehab for alcohol abuse while she was pregnant with the couple’s twins, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

The blockbuster revelation adds more controversy to the already volatile situation surrounding the Sheen marriage. Charlie spent Christmas in a Colorado jail after being arrested on domestic violence charges.

Now RadarOnline.com has uncovered that Mueller went to alcohol rehab when she was approximately five months pregnant. Sources close to the situation told RadarOnline.com that she was confronted after bottles of booze were found in her car.

When one of the couple’s twins was born with a heart problem, the couple argued bitterly and Charlie told Brooke the medical problem was her fault for boozing while pregnant, RadarOnline.com has learned.
And she seemed like such a nice woman, too. I guess the old saying is true -- everyone has skeletons in their closet. In Charlie's case, I think he literally might have a hooker's skeleton chained up in his closet. "Oops, forgot about her. I was wondering where she went . . ."

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Charlie Sheen is a funny guy. And violent.

Did you hear the news? Domestic violence is funny now. Charlie Sheen was cracking jokes about the Christmas morning "incident" with his wife at a table reading yesterday with the cast and producers of Two And A Half Men. From RadarOnline:
RadarOnline.com learned exclusively that Charlie's return to work was greeted with tension that quickly dissolved into laughter.

At a table reading for Charlie's hit show Two And A Half Men, one of the producers asked Jon Cryer what he did during the holidays. Everyone started to laugh because they could tell where this was going, a source told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

Jon gave a quick answer and the producer moved on to Angus T. Jones and after Jones answered the producer moved on and said, "Charlie, what did YOU do for the holidays?"

As everyone laughed, Charlie answered, "Well, I met Kobe Bryant's bail bondsman!"

And yes, the entire room cracked up.
Charlie's joke marks the first time in recorded history that anyone actually laughed during a table reading for Two And A Half Men. *rimshot*

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Charlie Sheen is paying off his nannies

Charlie Sheen's nannies are going to have a very nice new year . . . a new year full of $20s, $50s, and $100s. From the Chicago Sun Times:
Turns out the ugly Christmas Day confrontation between Sheen and his wife, Brooke Mueller, has turned into a bit of a windfall for the two nannies present in the couple’s Aspen home — both of whom were witnesses to the big blowup.

According to a Sheen family insider, both women have received "hefty" extra bonuses — above and beyond their regular holiday cash gifts — supposedly to soothe any angst caused by the big fight.

However, the source adds, "It’s pretty clear that cash is really hush money, to keep them from spilling the beans to the tabloids."
If there's anyone in this world entitled to "hush money" (I mean besides my next door neighbor's kid who just had to go poking around my crawlspace), it's definitely Charlie Sheen's nannies. Can you imagine all the shit they've seen over the years? The only thing they've probably disposed of more than bed sheets soaked with petroleum-based lubricants are over-dosed hookers. Let's just hope Charlie didn't pay the nannies their money in $100s. Those things probably have more coke residue on them than Nicole Kidman's face.

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Would You Rather?

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