Brody Jenner

Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner split up

One of the great love affairs of our time is over. Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne have split up. I know, right? If they couldn't make it, there's literally no chance for the rest of us. From Life & Style:

"They decided to end their relationship," a source tells Life & Style. "It wasn't working out, and they wanted to go their separate ways."

According to friends, the main reason is that they didn't see eye to eye when it came to marriage.

"She wanted to settle down, but he wasn't exactly ready," another source tells Life & Style. "They had been having problems starting in the summer with her tour because she was on the road all the time. It put a strain on their relationship."

Avril Lavigne and Brody Kardashian are no longer an item? I wish I could be the first person to say "well woopty damn do," but that honor belongs to everyone who heard about the break-up. This union probably wasn't the out-and-out fraud that was the Kim Kardashian fiasco, but it was definitely a desperate publicity agent's wet dream. Avril, enough with the phony relationships, get back in the studio and make music that sucks less.

*11 Avril Lavigne pictures total in the gallery:

Brody Jenner arriving at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel on Saturday night

Avril Lavigne got her boyfriend Brody Jenner's ass kicked on Sunday morning. After starting a fight -- as annoying drunk chicks tend to do -- with another group of revelers at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, Avril left Brody to take care of business. And by "take care of business" I mean someone smashed a bottle over his head. From TMZ:

According to our sources, Avril got into a dust-up shortly before 1:00 AM at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel with [an unknown girl]. We're told when Brody tried to intervene ... he took a bottle to the head from someone for his troubles.

Law enforcement sources tell us hotel security broke up the fight and detained Brody and others involved. Police were called to the hotel and when all was said and done ... we're told the police report listed Brody as the victim of an assault with a deadly weapon.

Our sources say Brody was the only one involved who spoke to police -- the other combatants (including Avril) had split by the time they arrived. We're told Brody refused medical attention and went to the hospital on his own.

Is it fair to say that Avril Lavigne is finished? I mean, come on. When was the last time anyone said "I can't wait until the new Avril album drops." Now things have gotten so bad that she's dating the help and staging fake fights. Speaking of fake, we at Celebslam wish Brody Kardashian a speedy recovery. I have no doubt that he'll be back on his feet doing absolutely nothing again in no time. Oh, and as for the "unknown girl," the check is in the mail.

UPDATE: Apparently it was a guy that hit Brody, not a girl. OK that makes sense, as most chicks in Hollywood are already drugged an unconscious by that time of the night:

The guy who hit Brody Jenner with a beer bottle Sunday morning was talking a LOT of trash before things got violent ... even calling BJ a "douche" ... this according to a witness. Brody DID jaw back at the drunk guy ... but we're told BJ did NOT strike first. Sources say ... when the guy hit Brody with the bottle, his friends rushed in and attacked both BJ and Avril, who happened to be standing next Brody at the time.

These guys were probably just distraught over Kim's divorce. It's not Brody's fault. Dammit, there's nothing he could have done about it.

*10 Brody Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne leaving L'Avenue restaurant in Paris (9/17)

I first wrote about Brody Jenner's "Avril" forearm tattoo last year with the headline "I hope that's not permanent." Well there's Brody and girlfriend Avril Lavigne in Paris over the weekend. And there's the tattoo, so, it looks like it was indeed permanent. Wow, talk about pussywhipped. You can't see Brody's right hand, but I'm assuming he's clutching a tampon, at the ready. "Do you need it yet, honeybear my love?"

*11 Brody Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne arriving to Taverna Tony's restaurant in Malibu (5/16)

I'm being sarcastic with that headline btw. I need more Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne in my life about as much as I need more gaping stab wounds. From In Touch Weekly:

Brody Jenner has been pitching a reality show about his new romance — now he’s just got to convince his girlfriend, Avril Lavigne, to co-star! According to an insider, Brody, 26, is determined to increase his C-list level of fame, and he thinks dating Avril, 25 — in front of America — is the way to do it. “Brody came up with the idea for a reality show, and he’s begging Avril to do it,” her pal tells In Touch. “She’s in love with him, but isn’t sure about it, yet she doesn’t want to tell him no.” Brody and Avril have been seen together since February — soon after his split with Playboy model Jayde Nicole and her separation from husband Deryck Whibley.

This is just what America needs -- another show about overprivileged 20-something-year-olds with tons of money and no concept of reality. If we keep this up, by the year 2030 this country will be run by complete morons who don't know the value of a dollar and are only concerned with their public appearance . . . so a lot like it is today.

*16 photos total in the gallery:

Brody Jenner's new tattoo

Brody Jenner and his girlfriend Avril Lavigne hit up Las Palmas nightclub in Hollywood last night. And he had that on his arm. Wow. And I thought the butterfly on my ankle was bad. I really hope that's not permanent. The only thing more embarrassing than getting an Avril Lavigne tattoo on your arm is actually dating Avril Lavigne. Wait a minute . . .

*13 photos total in the gallery:

God damn she's edgy

Avril Lavigne has been dating Brody Jenner all of two weeks and she's already dropping the "love" bomb on him. Run Brody, RUN!!! From the New York Post:

Looks like Avril Lavigne has finally met her match. The divorced pop star and her new man, Brody Jenner, were knocking back Jägermeister shots at Bank nightclub at Bellagio in Vegas Sunday night. A spy told us, "Lavigne and Jenner were having a blast. They were taking shots with friends including Olympic snowboarder Shaun White, grabbing the microphone, shouting, 'Jager shots' and making the crowd go wild." Lavigne later grabbed the mike and shouted, "I love you, Brody!"

Ahhh, to be young and in love again . . . where the guy of your dreams has been in more Hollywood poon than all the OB/GYNs on Santa Monica Blvd. combined. It's heartfelt tales like these filled with love, romance, and herpes lesions that still give the rest of us hope that "the one" might still be out there.

*11 pics total in the gallery:

Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner leaving Red Rock Bar & Eatery in West Hollywood (4/8)

+ Jessica Simpson looks like a lesbian [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Jesse James whore count up to "5" [PopEater]
+ Nicole Richie looks like an alien [Just Jared]
+ Girls Aloud's Nicola Roberts upskirt pic [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Well this is a relief [Dlisted]

+ Jake Gyllenhaal is banging who? [Lainey Gossip]
+ Superman joining The Walking Dead cast? [Bam! Kapow!]
+ Why is Suri Cruise still using a bottle? [Zelda Lily]
+ Lessons learned from a white guy watching Tyler Perry movies [Attuworld]

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Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne are dating

Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne were spotted making out yesterday as they cruised around Hollywood in Brody's '68 Dodge Charger R/T 440 (I fucking hate you). In other way way way way more interesting news, Japan's Nikkei Index staged a late afternoon rally today, finishing up 36.14 points at the close of trading, with gains in retailers offsetting profit-taking. The Nikkei hit an 18-month peak earlier this week but has since pulled back, with investors booking profits as the yen regained some ground after a recent slide, and due to concerns the rally in equities may have gone too far, too fast. "Moves in the foreign exchange market have settled down, and I think we could see some renewed buying if the yen were to start falling again, and Brody Jenner's a fag," said Hajime Nakajima, deputy general manager for Cosmo Securities' equity department.

Jayde Nicole and Brody Jenner leaving Urth Cafe in West Hollywood (10/26)

+ Heather Chadwell gets topless on Californication [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Another sex scandal for Letterman [PopEater]
+ Natalie Portman compares meat-eating with rape [I'm Not Obsessed]
+ Old fashioned boob groping [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Guess who bought some trashy lingerie? [DailyFill]

+ Pond-skipping hole in one. Incredible. [College Humor]
+ The Hills is tanking [A Socialite's Life]
+ Katy Perry and her awesome boobs are 25 [Newstoob]
+ It's a hotness buffet! [Double Viking]

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Brody Jenner arriving to Voyeur nightclub in West Hollywood (10/15)

Not literally of course (Paris and Lindsay are out of town). I mean he's not being charged with beating up Brody Jenner's girlfriend Jayde Nicole. From TMZ:

According to the report, the D.A. supports Joe's claims that the surveillance video shows that Jayde "appears to have acted without immediate provocation." In conclusion, the D.A. thought "the interests of justice do not support the filing of criminal charges against any of the three suspects [Joe, Jayde, and Brody Jenner]."

Remember kids, there's a lesson to be learned here. And that lesson is that it's OK to grab girls by the hair and violently yank them to the ground. Screw Madison for making fun of you during recess yesterday. Joe Francis, the L.A. County District Attorney's Office, and I agree that you need to show that bitch who's boss.