Recently in Britney Spears Category

Britney Spears leaving the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey (8/16)

If you were wondering if Britney Spears is on a "breast grab" basis with her body guards, the answer is, of course, yes.

Britney Spears bikini pictures! (Marina Del Rey - 8/17)

Apparently Britney Spears is now living at the Ritz Carlton. She was seen for the third day in a row yesterday (previous pics here and here), this time wearing a purple bikini. I guess I can't blame Britney for moving in. I mean, where else can you get a pepperoni pizza, chicken wings, potato wedges, and a hot fudge sundae at 3 AM? Oh, right, I guess I just described the tortured life of Britney's personal chef back at her house in Beverly Hills. Well . . . at least the Ritz doesn't have gum in the carpet.

Britney Spears shopping in Beverly Hills (8/11)

Did Britney Spears' boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick dump her? Sure, why not. From the National Enquirer:

Devastated Britney Spears has had her heart shattered again — she’s been dumped by boyfriend Jason Trawick, the ENQUIRER has learned. Britney’s dream of moving in with the hunky Hollywood agent and having his baby screeched to a halt when he told her it was all over, say friends of the 27-year-old pop diva. She was expecting him to move in with her after she returned from the European leg of her globe-trotting “Circus” tour. But instead of moving in, Jason said he wanted out of the relationship.

“It was just too fast, too soon for Jason,” a close source told The ENQUIRER.

Jason, 37, is a top agent with Hollywood’s William Morris Endeavor Entertainment. He has told Britney repeatedly that he would never marry, but Britney refused to believe him. She thought she could change his mind by having a baby with him.

Note to any guy dating Britney Spears: If that crazy bitch wants to marry you, do it. Not only will your retirement begin on your wedding day, but that retirement will be spent doing fun things like jamming $100s down strippers' g-strings. Tell me that doesn't beat a 65-year-old retiree's typical day of complaining, gardening, and more complaining. And for those of you with an ounce of dignity and a shred of self-respect, you could always do what the rest of us do when we don't have a sugar mamma to tend to our every desire: get a job marry for love move back in with our parents.

Britney Spears bikini pics! (8/16)

Britney Spears donned another size-too-small bikini yesterday for her second day of lounging around the pool at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey. Wait a minute, doesn't she live, like, ten minutes away? Maybe she just didn't feel like driving that far home. See, this is why I actually prefer living out of my '77 Winnebago that the bank didn't repossess because I switched the plates. I can just park it wherever and sleep for the night. Sure my parents may call me a "loser" and "an extreme disappointment," but lets see them make a grilled cheese sandwich in their Range Rover when they're stopped at a red light. Now who's the loser!

Britney Spears at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey (8/15)

And by "almost there Britney," I mean lock yourself in a gym and swallow the key. That, or the next time you go bikini shopping, buy a size medium. Just because you can shoehorn your ass into a size small doesn't actually mean you wear a size small.

Britney Spears and her son Jayden James at the London Zoo (6/16)

Fuck, the picture gave it away, didn't it? Dammit, I'm such an idiot. From the New York Daily News:

Britney Spears' tots have definitely hit the terrible twos and threes, if their language is any indication. While the singer picked up goodies at a swag suite in L.A. last week, Sean Preston, 3, and Jayden James, 2, shocked guests by repeatedly yelling, "Oh shit!"

"We were all surprised by their potty mouths, but it was actually pretty funny," one onlooker acknowledged.

How did Britney respond to her sons' antics? Said the source: "She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving."

Is anyone really shocked by this story? What's more surprising is that Jayden and Sean haven't completely followed in their parents' footsteps and started smoking, flashing their genitals, or knocking up other toddlers yet. Sadly, a story about these two cursing will one day probably seem quaint. By the time they're teenagers, we'll be reminiscing about the good ol' days when they were "just" swearing and not overdosing, getting blackout drunk, or failing to post bail.

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan at the Grand Star Jazz Club in L.A. (8/2)

So I guess Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are friends now or something. The two were spotted hanging out together at the Grand Star Jazz Club in LA late Sunday night. An insider told Life & Style:

"There was no craziness, just a lot of fun and dancing."  Britney and Lindsay stayed until the club closed, around 3 a.m. Lindsay tells Life & Style, “It was such fun!”

What about the part where the club spontaneously burst into flames and earth was sucked into a wormhole and spit out onto an entire different spectrum of spacetime? That happened right?

NOTE: How many times did the phrase "just need a little loan" or "just need to borrow a little money" come out of Lindsay's mouth while she was sitting with Britney? 40? 50?

Britney Spears out and about in Beverly Hills (8/1)

The last thing most stray dogs in Beverly Hills ever see.

Britney Spears bikini pics!

Britney Spears at Bondi Beach in Australia (Sept. 2001)

Britney Spears out and about in L.A. (7/29)

The European leg of Britney's tour is officially over . . . and she's back behind the wheel! -- DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!! To recap, a woman who a judge deemed unfit to make decisions for herself is currently in control of a 5,000 pound weapon that can reach speeds of over 100 mph. I just wet myself.