Recently in Britney Spears Category

Britney Spears leaving the Perth Hyatt Hotel in Perth, Australia (11/5)

Pants and a shirt? At the same time? Well la-di-da Ms. Spears, I didn't know you were fond of taking afternoon tea.

Britney Spears leaving Target in L.A. (9/29)

Just because we haven't seen Britney Spears stumble out of a club drunk lately or take a dump on the middle of Hollywood Blvd. doesn't mean she's fine. Her dad is still controlling her life and it sounds like he's pretty much turned her into a zombie. From Fox News:

"[Jamie's] really trying to clean up her image," said an inside source. "He’s making a lot of changes to the people around her, everyone is a bit on edge they could be the next one to be replaced."

We’re told daddy Spears and his team has been busy hiring and firing various people in the Spears camp from her tour assistant to one of her key online developers, and is possibly afraid of letting anybody get too close or learning too much about his troubled daughter.

"[Britney] is so out of it she just doesn’t care anymore," added our insider. "She just does what she’s told and is totally in her world, she’ll even call people at all hours of night for a general conversation and acts like it’s the middle of the day or something."

It almost sounds like Britney's been lobotomized. Of course if that's the case, it can only mean one thing: her next gig will be to guest host The View . . . or Countdown with Keith Olbermann. The bottom line is that if Jamie really wants to improve Britney's chances of resurrecting her career, it's not her staff that needs to be thrown out, it's her uterus.

Britney Spears shopping at Target in L.A. (9/30)

I don't what happened between Britney and Wal-Mart, but it seems like it's something they should try and work out. You can't just throw away the past 27 years like they mean nothing.

Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears in Miami (8/31)

Jamie Lynn Spears took time off from whatever it is she does now (tend to the chickens?), hopped 'board "one of them fancy flyin'-type buses," and flew down to Miami yesterday to hang with Britney. And amazingly, despite spending the better part of eight hours near five feet of water, all of their kids are still alive and well today. Thank god for childproof cages!

Britney Spears leaving the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey (8/16)

If you were wondering if Britney Spears is on a "breast grab" basis with her body guards, the answer is, of course, yes.

Britney Spears bikini pictures! (Marina Del Rey - 8/17)

Apparently Britney Spears is now living at the Ritz Carlton. She was seen for the third day in a row yesterday (previous pics here and here), this time wearing a purple bikini. I guess I can't blame Britney for moving in. I mean, where else can you get a pepperoni pizza, chicken wings, potato wedges, and a hot fudge sundae at 3 AM? Oh, right, I guess I just described the tortured life of Britney's personal chef back at her house in Beverly Hills. Well . . . at least the Ritz doesn't have gum in the carpet.

Britney Spears shopping in Beverly Hills (8/11)

Did Britney Spears' boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick dump her? Sure, why not. From the National Enquirer:

Devastated Britney Spears has had her heart shattered again — she’s been dumped by boyfriend Jason Trawick, the ENQUIRER has learned. Britney’s dream of moving in with the hunky Hollywood agent and having his baby screeched to a halt when he told her it was all over, say friends of the 27-year-old pop diva. She was expecting him to move in with her after she returned from the European leg of her globe-trotting “Circus” tour. But instead of moving in, Jason said he wanted out of the relationship.

“It was just too fast, too soon for Jason,” a close source told The ENQUIRER.

Jason, 37, is a top agent with Hollywood’s William Morris Endeavor Entertainment. He has told Britney repeatedly that he would never marry, but Britney refused to believe him. She thought she could change his mind by having a baby with him.

Note to any guy dating Britney Spears: If that crazy bitch wants to marry you, do it. Not only will your retirement begin on your wedding day, but that retirement will be spent doing fun things like jamming $100s down strippers' g-strings. Tell me that doesn't beat a 65-year-old retiree's typical day of complaining, gardening, and more complaining. And for those of you with an ounce of dignity and a shred of self-respect, you could always do what the rest of us do when we don't have a sugar mamma to tend to our every desire: get a job marry for love move back in with our parents.

Britney Spears bikini pics! (8/16)

Britney Spears donned another size-too-small bikini yesterday for her second day of lounging around the pool at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey. Wait a minute, doesn't she live, like, ten minutes away? Maybe she just didn't feel like driving that far home. See, this is why I actually prefer living out of my '77 Winnebago that the bank didn't repossess because I switched the plates. I can just park it wherever and sleep for the night. Sure my parents may call me a "loser" and "an extreme disappointment," but lets see them make a grilled cheese sandwich in their Range Rover when they're stopped at a red light. Now who's the loser!

Britney Spears at the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey (8/15)

And by "almost there Britney," I mean lock yourself in a gym and swallow the key. That, or the next time you go bikini shopping, buy a size medium. Just because you can shoehorn your ass into a size small doesn't actually mean you wear a size small.

Britney Spears and her son Jayden James at the London Zoo (6/16)

Fuck, the picture gave it away, didn't it? Dammit, I'm such an idiot. From the New York Daily News:

Britney Spears' tots have definitely hit the terrible twos and threes, if their language is any indication. While the singer picked up goodies at a swag suite in L.A. last week, Sean Preston, 3, and Jayden James, 2, shocked guests by repeatedly yelling, "Oh shit!"

"We were all surprised by their potty mouths, but it was actually pretty funny," one onlooker acknowledged.

How did Britney respond to her sons' antics? Said the source: "She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving."

Is anyone really shocked by this story? What's more surprising is that Jayden and Sean haven't completely followed in their parents' footsteps and started smoking, flashing their genitals, or knocking up other toddlers yet. Sadly, a story about these two cursing will one day probably seem quaint. By the time they're teenagers, we'll be reminiscing about the good ol' days when they were "just" swearing and not overdosing, getting blackout drunk, or failing to post bail.