Brad Pitt bought a Spitfire
Brad Pitt allegedly just bought a $2.5 million Spitfire WWII-era fighter aircraft. Why? Because he's Brad fucking Pitt, that's why. A source told The Sun
"Brad, who has done everything from sleep in the trenches to learn to drive a tank for [his new war drama Fury], has now invested in one of the iconic machines."
The 49-year-old actor is already a qualified pilot but will reportedly receive lessons on how to safely manage the vintage aircraft, which was popularly used by the RAF and other allied forces during the Second World War, at the Boultbee Flying Academy in Oxford.
A spokesman for the academy said: "We don't comment on who we teach, but we have high-profile people. Buying Spitfires is very popular with wealthy individuals."
Now that's just badass. I'm really turning the corner on Team Jolie-Pitt. They aren't even pretending to save Africa or solve the global warming hoax anymore -- they're too busy buying themselves the coolest toys ever. They already have an awesome private island
, and now, to protect it, they have the fighter that saved Europe from Nazi tyranny. Jennifer Aniston has cats. Advantage: Team Brangelina.*10 Spitfire pictures total in the gallery:
Angelina Jolie bought an island
Angelina Jolie is apparently buying Brad Pitt a $20 million island for his 50th birthday. It's on Lake Mahopac in New York and it would make an amazing secret prison for children . . . I mean, if you're into that sort of thing. From the Mirror
Angelina, 38, was particularly excited after discovering its two homes were designed by Brad's favourite architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Petra Island is a mere 50 miles north of New York City and has its own helicopter landing pad, plus it's of course accessible from the mainland by boat. Two dwellings sit on the island - a 1,200-square-foot cottage, and a 5,000-square-foot main residence which is nothing short of an architectural masterpiece. The island itself is 11 acres in size and is situated on New York's very private Lake Mahopac.
A source revealed: "As soon as Angelina heard the island was on the market she arranged a viewing. She was really impressed. The house is perfect for romantic getaways or as a family retreat. It's very private. And Angelina knows the fact the island is in the shape of a heart will mean so much to him."
Now THAT is how the one percenters prepare for the zombie apocalypse, bitches. While the rest of us mouth breathers are canning peaches and stockpiling WW2-era weaponry in crawl spaces, Angelina bought herself her own goddamn fantasy island -- complete with guest home, heated swimming pool, and, rumor has it, a private Los Angeles-class attack submarine painted in gold (just like her Oscar and dildo collection). Recession? Who says we're still in a recession? Actually, that application I just filled out at Walmart says so, for starters. *15 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:
Angelina Jolie leaving David Jones department store in Sydney, Australia
The Presidential Suite at the InterContinental Hong Kong may be $12k/night, but does it come with free semen on the bedspread and a Bible in the nightstand? Gimme the Holiday Inn any day of the week. From Life & Style
Life & Style has learned that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent $12,468 a night on the Presidential Suite of China's five-star InterContinental Hong Kong hotel for a recent three-day stay. The 7,000-square-foot pad boasts five bedrooms, a living room with floor-to-ceiling windows, kitchenette, private study, gym and 24-hour personal butler service for those late-night requests!
Despite the A-list amenities, Brad, 49, and Angelina, 38, didn't stay holed up. "Brad stopped into a Chinese coffee shop called Maxims for tea while Angie went shopping with the kids," an eyewitness tells the new issue of Life & Style, on stands now. "They all looked like they were having a great time."
This isn't a story. Of course Brad and Angie had a good time in Communist China. While the great unwashed get herded into tourist traps like Disney World and running the pickpocket's gauntlet we lovingly call Times Square, we one percenters are taking holidays in countries with abysmal human rights records -- because we can, bitches. Sure, the Chinese might have a billion citizens living under the poverty line, but classy peeps like the Pitt-Jolies and myself don't ever come within 10 miles of them due to our government-provided security details. Think of us next time you're corralling that giant waterbug out of your $20-a-night motel room. We'll probably be in some Congolese or Cuban 5 star hotel, eating hors d'oeuvres made from baby seal earlobes. *5 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:
Zahara Jolie-Pitt cleaning a hotel room window in Sydney, Australia
It's one thing for Angelina Jolie to adopt a kid from Ethiopia to bring the world's attention to the plight of orphans in developing nations, but it's another thing entirely to adopt one because you need some extra help around the house. This is simply outrageous.
*10 Zahara Jolie-Pitt pictures total in the gallery:
Angelina Jolie arriving on a flight at LAX airport
Angelina Jolie seems like she'd be all uptight, but nope. She's actually cool as hell
and I may have to start stalking her
According to The Sun, the pair recently rented the Calabogie Motorsports Park in Canada and spent the day racing each other in Mustangs and Porsches before switching to motorbikes. A source revealed:
"Angie flew to Canada to scope out some potential filming venues for her movie Unbroken a couple of weeks ago. Brad and the kids went too but they vowed to get some couple time together during the trip so they booked out Calabogie racetrack for a day ... Neither of them have driven fast cars or motorbikes for some time. They haven't even flown Angie's private plane so it really got their adrenaline going and they both loved it."
Damn it, I hate when I shit on celebrities who turn out to be pretty damn cool -- and racing cars and motorbikes is pretty damn cool. Between that and buzzing the control towers on aircraft carriers with the fancy jet they recently purchased
, Brad and Angie are pretty much living life as if they're doing a movie of my daydreams. Now, if these two all of a sudden start fighting crime as if the Punisher and Batman teamed up, then I'll have to say that Brangelina must have implanted a chip in my brain . . . or my psychotic break is finally happening. Wait, why are all these spiders crawling on me?*20 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:
Brad Pitt arriving on a flight at LAX airport
This story should bring a reminiscent smile to your face, as I think we can all remember the first time we bought a fiancee a private jet. June 2, 2008 -- I still remember the date. Via Contact
[Brad Pitt] has splashed out on the aircraft for his fiancee - who has held a pilot's licence since 2004 - to enable the couple to see each other more as he is currently shooting World War II movie 'Fury' in London, while the brunette beauty is directing war film 'Unbroken' in Hawaii.
A source told Heat magazine: "Brad wanted to gift Angelina with a jet for trips between the set of Fury in London and her set of Unbroken. He told her that she can choose the plane and he will pay, that way, they can fly back and forth to see each other, and Angelina's always wanted to fly a jet across the ocean anyway."
Awe, Angie's first jet. Buying your first jet is like getting head for the first time -- it's the best you can ever feel when completely sober. Flying dangerously close to passenger planes and buzzing cruise ship towers is more fun than I could ever describe, but here's a fact of life that will help you as much as its helped me: The laws of physics are like Oprah -- rigid, unforgiving, and morbidly obese. Your status as a one percenter will not be taken into consideration if you decide to lawn-dart your plane into the Pacific Ocean, so make sure you pack yourself toe tag floaters and shark repellant should you decide to fly drunk . . . right, JFK, Jr.?
*10 Brad Pitt pictures total in the gallery:
Angelina Jolie arriving at Tokyo Narita International Airport in Japan
Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and their gang of refugees flew into Tokyo on Sunday, and it looks like Angelina forgot her bra on the plane. Because of the wild, drug-fueled orgy that happens behind the curtains in first class on nearly every international flight where the only rule is that there are no rules? Yes, coach passengers, you're exactly right.*10 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the premiere of World War Z at the Empire Leicester Square in London
Angelina Jolie made her first appearance yesterday since revealing last month that she underwent a double mastectomy
because of cancer fears, but the real story of the night was Brad Pitt's hair. Does he wash and condition separately, or use a 2-in-1 product? Does he use a round brush, or prefer the more classic paddle design? How often do Angelina and he have salon days, and just how fabulous are they? Inquiring minds want to know, Brad.*35 Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt pictures total in the gallery:
Brad Pitt should be thankful for every step he takes, sunset he sees, and fan he bangs, because he was almost murdered by Mike Tyson back in the late 80s. Via the San Francisco Chronicle
Former boxer Mike Tyson still chuckles about the day he faced off with his estranged wife Robin Givens' new man Brad Pitt at her home. The fighter was hoping to "sneak in" a quick sex session with his ex before filing divorce papers, and he was not expecting the actress to have company when he called round.
Tyson tells Yahoo sports anchor Graham Bensinger, "I guess Brad got there earlier than I did... I was getting a divorce, I was going to my lawyer's office... but I wanted to sneak in a quickie... Before I would go to my lawyer's office to say she's a pig... I would go to her house and have sex with her. This particular day someone beat me to the punch."
It was awkward at the time, but Tyson insists he doesn't hold a grudge: "I hope Brad don't think I'm mad at him... I was mad as hell (at the time). You should have saw his face when he saw me!"
Wow, I can't believe that two decades later we're finding out that Brad Pitt was giving Robin Givens the hard salami. What's even more surprising is that the Mike Tyson of those days decided against pulling out Brad's spleen and shoving it up his rectum. See how you children are lucky to be living today? Back then, if you wanted to know about celebrity gossip you had to go to a magical place called a newspaper stand and buy what our forefathers called a "magazine." Magazines were like giant Applebee's menus, except with more pages and less content. Yeah, in the good ol' days, Mike Tyson sold a lot of magazines -- you could say he was the lithographic Lindsay Lohan of his day, only slightly less insane.*20 Mike Tyson pictures total in the gallery:
Brad Pitt in New Orleans
Angelina Jolie bought Brad Pitt his very own helicopter. Did I mention Brad Pitt, the actor, is not an experienced helicopter pilot? Gee, what could possibly go wrong? No, I mean besides
a fiery death. From The Sun
Angelina Jolie certainly doesn’t mess around when it comes to boys’ toys. She has forked out almost 1 million pounds on a helicopter and flying lessons for fiance Brad Pitt - and it’s not even his birthday.
A source said of the movie couple: "They’ve had a helicopter pad installed in the grounds of their south of France home, Chateau Miraval. So Ange thought it would be nice to buy Brad a helicopter as a surprise present. In particular, they would like to be able to fly to and from Cannes. But even though Brad has his private pilot’s licence, he still needs to take a few flying lessons - which he’ll start straight away."
That's great, isn't if, folks? Sure, there's a recession going on and a couple of you might be reading this as a way to blow off some steam from being jobless. And maybe yours truly has to make due with a mix of ketchup and mustard for sustenance every couple of weeks because sometimes things are slow. To show solidarity with the working stiffs, what does the former Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees buy for Willy? On a whim, no less? The scarecrow buys him a helicopter. A FUCKING HELICOPTER. Now that's the kind of over-the-top obscene decadence that only a one percenter can appreciate. Touche, Angie. The next time you lecture America about forgiving debt to Third World countries, can you do me a favor? Save the speech and skip a meal. You're almost 100 pounds
, tubby.*15 Brad Pitt pictures total in the gallery: