Brad Pitt

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Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt

So Angelina Jolie just filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. Apparently the two had some major differences in their belief systems -- Brad believed he should be able to fuck Marion Cotillard and Angelina believed he shouldn't. From the New York Post:
Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt after learning he was cheating on her with his sexy co-star, a well-placed source told The Post on Tuesday.

"She hired a private eye because she felt that he was fooling around with her on the set, and it turns out, he was. And that was the final straw," the source said.

Pitt, 52, had been rumored to have been cozying up to his "Allied'' co-star Marion Cotillard, 40, for months during the pair's filming of the World War II drama in London. The PI discovered that was Pitt cheating on his wife of two years with Cotillard -- while also partying like a single guy on a mission, the source said.

"The atmosphere [off-set] was full of hard drugs and Russian hookers, and Angie was told Brad got caught up in it," the source said. "He's in the throes of some insane midlife crisis, and Angie is fed up."
But wait a minute, when Brad cheated on his wife Jennifer Aniston with Angelina, he told her that was it. No more cheating. He had found his one true love. Are you trying to tell me he didn't actually mean that and cheated on his wife again. Well knock me over with a feather because I did not see that once coming. If we can't believe men who've already cheated on their wives when they say they're not going to cheat again, who can we believe? My world is upside down right now.

In other news, Jennifer Aniston just locked Justin Theroux in the bathroom for the next year because Angelina Jolie is single.

Brad Pitt bought a Spitfire

Brad Pitt allegedly just bought a $2.5 million Spitfire WWII-era fighter aircraft. Why? Because he's Brad fucking Pitt, that's why. A source told The Sun:
"Brad, who has done everything from sleep in the trenches to learn to drive a tank for [his new war drama Fury], has now invested in one of the iconic machines."

The 49-year-old actor is already a qualified pilot but will reportedly receive lessons on how to safely manage the vintage aircraft, which was popularly used by the RAF and other allied forces during the Second World War, at the Boultbee Flying Academy in Oxford.

A spokesman for the academy said: "We don't comment on who we teach, but we have high-profile people. Buying Spitfires is very popular with wealthy individuals."
Now that's just badass. I'm really turning the corner on Team Jolie-Pitt. They aren't even pretending to save Africa or solve the global warming hoax anymore -- they're too busy buying themselves the coolest toys ever. They already have an awesome private island, and now, to protect it, they have the fighter that saved Europe from Nazi tyranny. Jennifer Aniston has cats. Advantage: Team Brangelina.

*10 Spitfire pictures total in the gallery:

  • Brad Pitt Spitfire Plane 1
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Angelina Jolie bought an island

Angelina Jolie is apparently buying Brad Pitt a $20 million island for his 50th birthday. It's on Lake Mahopac in New York and it would make an amazing secret prison for children . . . I mean, if you're into that sort of thing. From the Mirror:
Angelina, 38, was particularly excited after discovering its two homes were designed by Brad's favourite architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Petra Island is a mere 50 miles north of New York City and has its own helicopter landing pad, plus it's of course accessible from the mainland by boat. Two dwellings sit on the island - a 1,200-square-foot cottage, and a 5,000-square-foot main residence which is nothing short of an architectural masterpiece. The island itself is 11 acres in size and is situated on New York's very private Lake Mahopac.

A source revealed: "As soon as Angelina heard the island was on the market she arranged a viewing. She was really impressed. The house is perfect for romantic getaways or as a family retreat. It's very private. And Angelina knows the fact the island is in the shape of a heart will mean so much to him."
Now THAT is how the one percenters prepare for the zombie apocalypse, bitches. While the rest of us mouth breathers are canning peaches and stockpiling WW2-era weaponry in crawl spaces, Angelina bought herself her own goddamn fantasy island -- complete with guest home, heated swimming pool, and, rumor has it, a private Los Angeles-class attack submarine painted in gold (just like her Oscar and dildo collection). Recession? Who says we're still in a recession? Actually, that application I just filled out at Walmart says so, for starters.

*15 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:

  • Angelina Jolie Bought Island 1
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Angelina Jolie leaving David Jones department store in Sydney, Australia (9/26)

The Presidential Suite at the InterContinental Hong Kong may be $12k/night, but does it come with free semen on the bedspread and a Bible in the nightstand? Gimme the Holiday Inn any day of the week. From Life & Style:
Life & Style has learned that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie spent $12,468 a night on the Presidential Suite of China's five-star InterContinental Hong Kong hotel for a recent three-day stay. The 7,000-square-foot pad boasts five bedrooms, a living room with floor-to-ceiling windows, kitchenette, private study, gym and 24-hour personal butler service for those late-night requests!

Despite the A-list amenities, Brad, 49, and Angelina, 38, didn't stay holed up. "Brad stopped into a Chinese coffee shop called Maxims for tea while Angie went shopping with the kids," an eyewitness tells the new issue of Life & Style, on stands now. "They all looked like they were having a great time."
This isn't a story. Of course Brad and Angie had a good time in Communist China. While the great unwashed get herded into tourist traps like Disney World and running the pickpocket's gauntlet we lovingly call Times Square, we one percenters are taking holidays in countries with abysmal human rights records -- because we can, bitches. Sure, the Chinese might have a billion citizens living under the poverty line, but classy peeps like the Pitt-Jolies and myself don't ever come within 10 miles of them due to our government-provided security details. Think of us next time you're corralling that giant waterbug out of your $20-a-night motel room. We'll probably be in some Congolese or Cuban 5 star hotel, eating hors d'oeuvres made from baby seal earlobes.  

*5 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:

  • Brad Angelina Presidential Suite 1
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Zahara Jolie-Pitt cleaning a hotel room window in Sydney, Australia (9/7)

It's one thing for Angelina Jolie to adopt a kid from Ethiopia to bring the world's attention to the plight of orphans in developing nations, but it's another thing entirely to adopt one because you need some extra help around the house. This is simply outrageous.

*10 Zahara Jolie-Pitt pictures total in the gallery:

  • Angelina Jolie Kids
  • Angelina Jolie Adopted Kids
  • Recent Pics of Angelina Jolies Kids
  • Angelina Jolie Real Kids
  • Angelina Jolie How Many Children
  • Brad Pitt Kids
  • Brad Pitt Adopted Kids
  • Recent Pics of Brad Pitt Kids
  • Brad Pitt Real Kids
  • Brad Pitt How Many Children

Angelina Jolie arriving on a flight at LAX airport (8/15)

Angelina Jolie seems like she'd be all uptight, but nope. She's actually cool as hell and I may have to start stalking her:
According to The Sun, the pair recently rented the Calabogie Motorsports Park in Canada and spent the day racing each other in Mustangs and Porsches before switching to motorbikes. A source revealed:

"Angie flew to Canada to scope out some potential filming venues for her movie Unbroken a couple of weeks ago. Brad and the kids went too but they vowed to get some couple time together during the trip so they booked out Calabogie racetrack for a day ... Neither of them have driven fast cars or motorbikes for some time. They haven't even flown Angie's private plane so it really got their adrenaline going and they both loved it."
Damn it, I hate when I shit on celebrities who turn out to be pretty damn cool -- and racing cars and motorbikes is pretty damn cool. Between that and buzzing the control towers on aircraft carriers with the fancy jet they recently purchased, Brad and Angie are pretty much living life as if they're doing a movie of my daydreams. Now, if these two all of a sudden start fighting crime as if the Punisher and Batman teamed up, then I'll have to say that Brangelina must have implanted a chip in my brain . . . or my psychotic break is finally happening. Wait, why are all these spiders crawling on me?

*20 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:

  • Angelina Jolie Outfit Pics
  • Angelina Jolie Son Photos
  • Angelina Jolie Airport Images
  • Angelina Jolie Fashion Candids
  • Maddox Jolie Pitt Recent Pictures
  • Angelina Jolie Fashion Pics
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  • Angelina Jolie Son Images
  • Angelina Jolie Airport Candids
  • Maddox Jolie Getting Old
  • Angelina Jolie Airport Pics
  • Angelina Jolie Fashion Photos
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  • Angelina Jolie Son Candids
  • Angelina Jolie Son Maddox
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  • Angelina Jolie Airport Photos
  • Angelina Jolie Fashion Images
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  • Angelina Jolie With Maddox

Brad Pitt arriving on a flight at LAX airport (7/21)

This story should bring a reminiscent smile to your face, as I think we can all remember the first time we bought a fiancee a private jet. June 2, 2008 -- I still remember the date. Via Contact:
[Brad Pitt] has splashed out on the aircraft for his fiancee - who has held a pilot's licence since 2004 - to enable the couple to see each other more as he is currently shooting World War II movie 'Fury' in London, while the brunette beauty is directing war film 'Unbroken' in Hawaii.

A source told Heat magazine: "Brad wanted to gift Angelina with a jet for trips between the set of Fury in London and her set of Unbroken. He told her that she can choose the plane and he will pay, that way, they can fly back and forth to see each other, and Angelina's always wanted to fly a jet across the ocean anyway."
Awe, Angie's first jet. Buying your first jet is like getting head for the first time -- it's the best you can ever feel when completely sober. Flying dangerously close to passenger planes and buzzing cruise ship towers is more fun than I could ever describe, but here's a fact of life that will help you as much as its helped me: The laws of physics are like Oprah -- rigid, unforgiving, and morbidly obese. Your status as a one percenter will not be taken into consideration if you decide to lawn-dart your plane into the Pacific Ocean, so make sure you pack yourself toe tag floaters and shark repellant should you decide to fly drunk . . . right, JFK, Jr.?

*10 Brad Pitt pictures total in the gallery:

  • Brad Pitt Private Jet
  • Brad Pitt Shave
  • Brad Pitt Facial Hair
  • Brad Pitt Homeless Look
  • Brad Pitt Hot
  • Brad Pitt Hunk
  • Brad Pitt Flying Commercial
  • Brad Pitt Ring
  • Brad Pitt Bag
  • Brad Pitt Ponytail

Angelina Jolie arriving at Tokyo Narita International Airport in Japan (7/28)

Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and their gang of refugees flew into Tokyo on Sunday, and it looks like Angelina forgot her bra on the plane. Because of the wild, drug-fueled orgy that happens behind the curtains in first class on nearly every international flight where the only rule is that there are no rules? Yes, coach passengers, you're exactly right.

*10 Angelina Jolie pictures total in the gallery:

  • Angelina Jolie No Bra
  • Angelina Jolie Braless
  • Angelina Jolie Boobs
  • Brad Pitt Brood
  • Brangelina Family Kids
  • Brad Pitt Long Hair
  • Brad Pitt Deplaning
  • Angie and Brad Pics
  • Angelina Jolie Nipples
  • Angelina Jolie Daughter Pics

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt at the premiere of World War Z at the Empire Leicester Square in London (6/2)

Angelina Jolie made her first appearance yesterday since revealing last month that she underwent a double mastectomy because of cancer fears, but the real story of the night was Brad Pitt's hair. Does he wash and condition separately, or use a 2-in-1 product? Does he use a round brush, or prefer the more classic paddle design? How often do Angelina and he have salon days, and just how fabulous are they? Inquiring minds want to know, Brad.

*35 Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt pictures total in the gallery:

  • Angelina Jolie Post Boob 1
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