Blake Fielder-Civil

Looking good Amy

Amy Winehouse managed to squeeze one more bad decision into 2009 -- she's remarrying her crackhead ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil. From The Sun:

Amy Winehouse's ex-husband told The Sun last night: "We're back together - and we're engaged."

Blake Fielder-Civil said he and the Back To Black singer, who were divorced in September, never stopped loving each other and got engaged again last month.

He added: "Amy and I have talked about getting married again and starting a family. We both definitely want kids. This time we're doing things properly and hopefully that will help both our families come round to the idea. We've both been through a lot but we love each other the same as ever. We've tried to get on with our lives and to see other people, but it wasn't the same."There's no one like Amy. She will always be the love of my life."

"We're free of drugs and we're more responsible now. Coming off heroin was hell. I've been through a year of intensive rehab, I'm 100 per cent clean and I plan to stay clean. I'm not going to let anyone down. Amy said, 'You inspire me'. She's proud of me for staying off drugs, and she's determined to do the same."

Oh. My. God. Can you imagine how fucked up Amy and Blake's kids would be? They'd be addicted to Ritalin and Flintstones Vitamins before they reached preschool. Good thing there's no chance in hell Blake could impregnate Amy. Once a man's ingested several pounds of heroin each day for more than a decade, his sperm becomes about as active as Michael Moore in a 24 Hour Fitness.

The last thing this paparazzo ever saw

This month's "Amy Winehouse almost died" story comes to us courtesy of the London Evening Standard. Amy's junkie ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil told the paper that he had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation a few years back after she quit breathing during a crack and heroine binge:

"She started having a fit on the bed. She slid down on to the floor before I could stop her. She started quivering again and it suddenly grew into what seemed like a full-blown epileptic fit. I didn't know how to help her. I was out of it on drugs as well. But then suddenly she passed out and stopped breathing. Somehow I managed to open her mouth and breathe air down her throat. At first nothing happened. So I did it again. Then she spluttered and I saw her chest rise."

And the best line of the story:

She begged him for more drugs while slipping in and out of a coma, but a friend called a cab which rushed her to hospital where she eventually recovered.

So a trained cardiologist that was right by his side couldn't revive a living legend like Michael Jackson, but a tripped-out crackhead was able to save the life of a washed-up cokewhore like Amy Winehouse? Life just isn't fair. Need further proof? Gravity. By the time I retire, my balls will probably be hanging lower than my knees. Even worse. My future wife will probably be able to say the same thing about her tits. Fuck you Isaac Newton.