The last thing this paparazzo ever saw This month's "Amy Winehouse almost died" story comes to us courtesy of the
London Evening Standard. Amy's junkie ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil told the paper that he had to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation a few years back after she quit breathing during a crack and heroine binge:
"She started having a fit on the bed. She slid down on to the floor before I could stop her. She started quivering again and it suddenly grew into what seemed like a full-blown epileptic fit. I didn't know how to help her. I was out of it on drugs as well. But then suddenly she passed out and stopped breathing. Somehow I managed to open her mouth and breathe air down her throat. At first nothing happened. So I did it again. Then she spluttered and I saw her chest rise."
And the best line of the story:
She begged him for more drugs while slipping in and out of a coma, but a friend called a cab which rushed her to hospital where she eventually recovered.
So a trained cardiologist that was right by his side couldn't revive a living legend like Michael Jackson, but a tripped-out crackhead was able to save the life of a washed-up cokewhore like Amy Winehouse? Life just isn't fair. Need further proof? Gravity. By the time I retire, my balls will probably be hanging lower than my knees. Even worse. My future wife will probably be able to say the same thing about her tits. Fuck you Isaac Newton.
Amy Winehouse and her husband break up
So I guess Amy Winehouse and her husband Blake Fielder-Civil broke up. News of the World says he's shacking up with German model Sophie Schandorff. It's cool with Amy because the only thing she had in common with Blake was a hot body. Amy told the tabloid:
"It's over. There's no way back for us now. It was never going to last. We were only together for sex. I fancied him like mad, like no one else I've ever known. But it's not enough, is it?"
Amy's friend added:
"Amy told me they were mad for each other, experimenting all the time. Mostly it was Blake suggesting new things but Amy doesn't need encouragement. They were like animals, at it all the time. Just like they were with drugs, they pushed themselves to the limit. They were into threesomes. It was Blake's idea but Amy said she'd been with women before so it wasn't a problem. She said she's had a string of female lovers. Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it. They didn't care about sharing themselves with others because it turned them on. They thought they were on this sexual journey together. And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn't mention in a newspaper." (Source)
This week's SAT practice question is: How much money would it take for you to join in a threesome with Blake Fielder-Civil and Amy Winehouse?
A). $100,000
B). $1,000,000
C). $10,000,000
D). Are you fucking kidding me? I'd rather light my dick on fire and put it out in a bucket of acid than get near those two walking yeast infections.
If you chose any other answer besides "D", remember that you can't take your money with you when you die of AIDS Syphilis shame.
[BauerGriffinOnline]
"Ello guv'nuh!"
Beating up a bar owner and then attempting to cover up the crime with a bribe. Yeah, don't do that. Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil was sentenced to 27 months in jail today for his part in an attack last year that left London bar owner James King with metal plates in his face. Since he's already been in jail since November 2007, Fielder-Civil could be released in little as five months. MTV UK says:
Judge David Radford said that Fielder-Civil admitted to being high on cocaine and alcohol when he and his friend Michael Brown attacked pub manager James King outside the Macbeth pub in a barroom fight in June 2007. They then offered King $400,000 to keep quiet about it.During sentencing at Snaresbrook Crown Court, Judge Radford admonished Fielder-Civil, saying, "In joining in that attack by kicking out at Mr. King after he had already been both punched and kicked by Mr. Brown, you behaved in a gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful way," according to an AFP report on the sentencing. "It will be of little comfort to Mr. King that you did so because of your inebriation." (Source)
I wonder how Amy's gonna survive another five months without her husband. Oh yeah, that's right: crack.
[Splash News]
