Recently in Benji Madden Category

Sophia Bush, Benji Madden, and Brody Jenner on the set of an OP photo shoot in L.A. (6/10)

+ Megan Fox continuing her sexy world tour [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Audrina Patridge and her big boobs in a bikini [The Superficial]
+ Katie Price playing with her boobs [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Anna Faris Bikini Pictures Show Off Her Implants [Egotastic!]
+ Boobs! (NSFW) [College Humor]

+ Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr, and Alessandra Ambrosio in bikinis [Popoholic]
+ Ellen DeGeneres doesn't want kids [I'm Not Obsessed]
+ Using your belly button as an anus in a tattoo: a brief gallery [Holy Taco]
+ Megan Fox says the dumbest things [A Socialite's Life]
+ Miley Cyrus posing like a slut [Dlisted]

+ What a nice angle to see boobs [Double Viking]
+ John Mayer can be be pretty funny sometimes [F-Listed]
+ Some models just seem to make their way around sports [Busted Coverage]
+ 10 of the funniest Bruno clips [Attuworld]

Katy Perry and Benji Madden at Wasted Space nightclub in Las Vegas (2/14)

Actually, Benji did more than just get Katy Perry's number. He probably nailed her. From People:

Earlier in the night she may have called it "the horror that is Valentine's Day," but Katy Perry appears to have been struck by cupid's arrow - which also seems to have hit Paris Hilton's ex, Benji Madden.

Following her Valentine's show at Hard Rock Hotel's Wasted Space, Perry, 24, and Madden, 29, headed to Lavo - where the two conspicuously cuddled throughout the night, later prompting one observer to sense "some chemistry there." Madden, in town to deejay, even danced for Perry during several songs - and at those rare times when their hands weren't on each other's legs. (Source)

As for who Benji's ex, Paris Hilton, hooked up with on Valentine's Day, the answer is: Long Beach.

Benji Madden at the grand opening of My House nightclub in Hollywood (1/9)

Benji Madden is still heartbroken over his breakup with Paris Hilton. All together now: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. His brother Joel and girlfriend Nicole Richie have been doing their best to get him some no-strings-attached hot model sex but he wants no part of it. A source told the National Enquirer:

"Benji thought Paris would come running back to him but he was wrong. Now that Benji realizes Paris has gone on her with her life, he's consumed by heartache. Nicole has all kinds of female friends - from models to actresses- who would love to date Benji. But every time Nicole told Benji that she and Joel would double with him and his fix-up, he flaked out at the last minute and spent the evening whimpering about Paris.

"Joel and Nicole finally had to sit Benji down and show him some tough love by telling him they don't want to hear it anymore. They reminded Benji that he's one of the hottest rock stars on the charts right now and has female fans falling at his feet. Luckily, Joel and Nicole were able to put things in perspective for Benji, and he's beginning to realize that there's life after Paris." (Print Edition - 1/19)

There can only be one reason why Benji wants Paris back so badly: he never has to worry about giving her an STD.* Unfortunately for Benji, the only way back into Paris' heart is for him to engorge a specific part of his body to Herculean proportions. His wallet. If Benji really does want to move on, there is one way he can land another talentless whore of a girlfriend: star in the next season of Rock of Love.
 
*She already has the complete collection, including a rare mint condition 1992 Granuloma Inguinale

Benji Madden leaving Bardot nightclub in West Hollywood (12/8)

Fresh off his split from Paris Hilton, Benji Madden is rumored to be secretly dating Britney Spears. In an effort to generate some buzz for her upcoming tour, Britney's dad Jamie and manager Larry Rudolph allegedly created a list of potential boyfriends for Britney which included Benji, Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford, actor Jesse Metcalfe, and Olympian Michael Phelps. Benji won. A friend of his told In Touch Weekly:

"They've been on a few dates. They met once at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills for dinner in a hotel suite. She appears to like Benji a lot, and he seems to really like her . . . Larry made some phone calls and Benji ended up being the most interested in being fixed up. He plans to make a big, splashy announcement to help publicize her upcoming tour." (Source)

What parent in their right mind would set up their daughter with Benji Madden? I thought as the conservator of Britney's estate, Jamie was supposed to be looking out for the welfare of his child. If he really wanted to generate some buzz around the upcoming tour, Jamie wouldn't have introduced Britney to a douche like Benji . . . he would have introduced her to singing lessons.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are awkward

Paris Hilton ran into ex-boyfriend Benji Madden at the grand opening of the D&G boutique last night in Beverly Hills. From E!:

The usually photo-happy heiress waved off photogs as the former couple chatted cozily together. After grabbing drinks at the bar, Paris quickly approached Nicole to say hi, and then she and Benji headed out to the smoking patio for some more quiet conversation.

Both Paris and Benji looked happy and friendly as they hung together, but when asked if she and Benji were getting back together, all Paris offered was a knowing smile. Ultimately, Benji left the bash with Joel and Nicole, leaving Paris to hang with sister Nicky and David Katzenberg. (Source)

Thanks to my exclusive sources, I managed to obtain a transcript of Benji and Paris' exact conversation last night:

Benji: "Hey."

Paris: "Hey."

Benji: "How are you?"

Paris: "Good, how 'bout you?"

Benji: "Good."

Paris: "How's the family?"

Benji: "Good."

Paris: [. . . awkward silence . . .]

Benji: [. . . awkward silence . . .]

Paris: "So should we 'accidentally' leak our sex tape before or after Christmas to generate maximum publicity?"

Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in 2007

Nicole Richie is furious with friend Paris Hilton for basically using Benji oh god who cares. From the National Enquirer:

Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton are enemies once again. The on-again, off-again BFFs have had a huge blowup over Paris' abrupt dumping of Benji Madden -- the brother of Nicole's boyfriend Joel, say sources. And to make matters worse, the hotel hottie has apparently already moved on. Paris hooked up with mega-wealthy high-end jeweler Pascal Mouawad at the Nov. 15 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in Miami, where she modeled his one-of-a-kind, 130-carat diamond necklace worth $3 million.

"Nicole feels that Paris never really liked Benji, but used the relationship to get more publicity for herself," charged the source. "She saw the opportunity and jumped on it . . . Paris will be Paris -- she does only what's best for her." (Print Edition - 12/15)

Paris hooked up with a jeweler? How perfect. He deals in precious stones and her vadge has been drilled more times than a diamond mine. These two should stop their fighting and just try to get back to the way things used to be: when Nicole looked like E.T.'s stunt double and the amount of men that Paris had slept with could still be counted in numbers, not exponents.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Nicole Richie at UNICEF's "Light The Night" Christmas tree lighting ceremony in Beverly Hills (11/22)

Nicole Richie is supposedly thrilled that Benji Madden and Paris Hilton broke up. Richie's been dating Benji's brother Joel for two years. From Star magazine:

Paris' frenemy is "thrilled that she's gone," says a source. "She never thought Paris was ever really into" Benji, the twin brother of her baby daddy, Joel.

And she may be right! Four days after dumping the Good Charlotte rocker, the hotel heiress was seen sneaking into L.A.'s Koi restaurant for a quiet dinner with her Greek shipping heir ex-boyfriend, Stavros Niarchos! "She was trying to fly below the radar and left alone about 30 minutes later," says another source.

eanwhile, Nicole is telling Benji that he "deserves better." (Source)

Nicole's right. Benji does "deserve better." My suggestion to Benji: If you really want a relationship that'll be an improvement over Paris, find something with a better personality -- may I suggest a woodchipper? -- and then stick your dick in it. . . . and then roll around in salt. That way, your manhood will only burn for a few days and not the rest of your life.

Benji's too poor for Paris

That thing about Paris Hilton and Benji Madden's split being a test to see if she can stand to be away from him? Nope. She's just a shallow whore. Shock! An "insider" told the National Enquirer:

"When she seriously considered growing old with Benji, Paris just couldn't picture herself with someone she considers an average Joe . . . And while Benji makes a good living in a successful rock band, he's not the millionaire that Paris envisions spending her life with."

The final nail in the coffin came when Paris reconnected with her ex-beau, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, in Miami in mid-November.

"Seeing Stavros reminded Paris of the type of guy she wants to settle down with -- someone who's incredibly rich, well-traveled and who shares her thirst for the high life," added the insider. "Benji just isn't that type of guy." (Print Edition - 12/1)

Let's bottom line this: Paris doesn't want a guy who's rich so he can treat her to the lifestyle she's become accustomed to. She wants a guy that's rich because he's the only one who'll be able to pay for the lifelong STD meds he's going to need. Any Joe Schmo can pick up Advil from Rite Aid, but only a multimillionaire can afford daily treatments of Valtrex, Penicillin, and wart lancing. You know how expensive that shit is?*

*UPDATE: I heard.

That's an old money pose

According to Paris Hilton, Benji Madden and her didn't actually break up. It's just a test of the heart. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Paris Hilton has told Ryan Seacrest she and main man Benji Madden are still in love, but just ''taking a break.'' Yet, a Paris source tells me the hotel heiress believes she likely will marry Madden, but wants ''to know if she absolutely can't stand to be apart from him. ... That's her test to make sure this is the guy for her ... something she's never felt before with anyone.'' (Source)

Hmmm, bang hot drunk chicks seven days a week because you're 100 times more famous now than you were a year ago . . . or be forced to fake an orgasm every night with Paris Hilton because she's literally as gaping as an old barrel. Golly gee, what a tough decision. I could see it going either way. Does Benji like the fun and adventure of hot blowjobs or the shame and embarassment that comes with dating a narcissistic whore?

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden leaving Foxtail lounge (11/11)

The rumors are true. Paris Hilton and Benji Madden broke up. Paris' rep confirmed it to Us Weekly today. The two have been dating since earlier this year. A source close to Paris told the magazine:

"Even though they are still in love, they felt it would be better to just be friends. Benji was overprotective and controlling. He doesn't get along with any of her friends. Friends thought Paris had changed since being with Benji and she wants to be herself again." (Source)

I love how Paris and Benji broke up because she "wants to be herself again." I guess she misses those days of not being able to remember the full name of whatever guy she just blew. "It's Rick or Ron something . . . all I remember is that he had a hot bellybutton."

NOTE: Remember Benji, 250 degrees for ten minutes. If you boil your penis for shorter than that, I can't guarantee that all the STDs will be killed.