Benji Madden

Benji Madden and Christina Aguilera are dating

Benji Madden may have just won the "Christina Aguilera Rebound Sweepstakes." His prize: an obscenely rich, clingy girlfriend, lacking in confidence, who'll do just about anything to please him. Boy that hits close to him. A source told Hollywood Life:

“[Benji and Christina] have been hanging out a lot more since her break-up. They are currently in the hook-up phase of the relationship. It’s a sex thing. They get along really well.”

While it may just be a “sex thing” now, our source also claims Christina, 29, and Benji, 31, may be more than just a hookup.  “Benji has met Christina’s son and he even wanted her to move in with him. She said no, but not in a bad way.”

Benji Madden? Really? First her husband and now the less famous -- and I use "famous" in the loosest possible sense -- Madden brother? This chick really needs to raise her standards. Like me, for example. Last Summer when I was peddling my wares on the Renaissance Faire circuit, I only hooked up with busty maidens descended from the highest levels of nobility. You don't become a badass motherfucker like me by slumming it with peasants.

*26 Christina Aguilera pictures total in the gallery:

Holly Madison at the U.S. Bikini Launch and Fashion Show at Eve Nightclub in Las Vegas (3/5)

So I guess Holly Madison is getting pretty serious with boyfriend Benji Madden. She's planning to move into his house . . . which is almost exactly like the Playboy mansion. Well actually, it's more "condo" than "mansion." And I'm pretty sure Hef didn't make Holly pay half the utilities. From In Touch Weekly:

Despite rumors that the low-key couple had quietly split, Holly Madison and Benji Madden are actually heating up! In fact, In Touch has exclusively learned that the former Girls Next Door star and her Good Charlotte beau, who have been dating since December, are planning to shack up. “Benji cares very much for Holly. They have been talking about living together,” a source tells In Touch, adding that the current Peepshow performer will soon leave Las Vegas to be in LA with Benji. The loved-up pair was spotted kissing at an IT BOYS! music video shoot in Sun Valley, Calif., on March 3. “Benji kept telling her how amazing she looked. They couldn’t keep their eyes off each other,” the source says. Benji and twin brother Joel, who discovered the band, had asked blond bombshell Holly to make a cameo appearance in the video.

Is anyone actually surprised Holly's moving in with Benji? This wouldn't be the first time she lived with a creepy guy just to get attention. The real question here is how Benji keeps pulling such high-profile ass? Either this dude's dick shoots out cocaine or he owns the one thing all young blonde Hollywood starlets can't resist: a full-length mirror.

Holly Madison celebrating her 29th birthday at Jet nightclub in Las Vegas (12/4)

The headline pretty much says it all. From Hugh Hefner to Criss Angel to Benji Madden. By this time next year, probably be dating my garbage man. From Life & Style:

After months of flirting on Twitter, Holly Madison and Benji Madden are now dating, Life & Style can exclusively confirm.

"You can say I’m hanging out with someone I have a crush on," a giddy (and coy) Holly told Life & Style on Dec. 3 at the opening of the Crystals Retail and Entertainment District at Las Vegas’ CityCenter. "[Benji] is just someone I have a crush on…for now!"

But earlier that day it looked as if the former Girls Next Door star, 29, and the Good Charlotte rocker, 30, were definitely doing more than hanging out when they stopped for coffee at a Starbucks near Benji’s DCMA office. As the two waited for their drinks, "it was obvious something was going on between them," says an eyewitness. "Benji stood next to Holly with his arm around her. He was rubbing her lower back and the top of her butt, and she was hanging on his shoulder. They were laughing and flirting the entire time. They couldn’t take their hands off each other!"

Holly better be careful -- dating Paris Hilton's ex can only lead to one possible outcome: heartache a burning sensation when you pee. Frankly, the only possible explanation for how Benji keeps banging these high profile chicks is that his tattoos must have all kinds of subliminal messages hidden in their ink. Messages like: "Ignore my looks," "Shitty music turns you on," and "Just because you can't feel it doesn't mean I'm not inside you."

Benji Madden at the Roxy Theatre in West Hollywood (9/5)

And by "ladies" I mean his mom and maybe his grandma. Everyone not related to him think he's a little creepy. From the National Enquirer:

Poor Benji madden can't catch a break in the love department these days. The tattooed Good Charlotte rocker was scoping out the ladies at the Starbucks on Melrose on Oct. 10. One woman was so unimpressed by his ogling that she mumbled "weirdo" as she walked by. Ouch!

How does Benji expect chicks to react to him? The guy's covered in more worthless ink than my college diploma. If Benji really wants random women to start paying attention to him, he needs just one tattoo: his bank account balance printed across his forehead. Besides, he should know by now that the only places where provocatively ogling women is acceptable is at bars, strip clubs, and sometimes, church. That communion wine always gets me greased up.

Sophia Bush, Benji Madden, and Brody Jenner on the set of an OP photo shoot in L.A. (6/10)

+ Megan Fox continuing her sexy world tour [Hollywood Tuna]

+ Audrina Patridge and her big boobs in a bikini [The Superficial]
+ Katie Price playing with her boobs [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Anna Faris Bikini Pictures Show Off Her Implants [Egotastic!]
+ Boobs! (NSFW) [College Humor]

+ Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr, and Alessandra Ambrosio in bikinis [Popoholic]
+ Ellen DeGeneres doesn't want kids [I'm Not Obsessed]
+ Using your belly button as an anus in a tattoo: a brief gallery [Holy Taco]
+ Megan Fox says the dumbest things [A Socialite's Life]
+ Miley Cyrus posing like a slut [Dlisted]

+ What a nice angle to see boobs [Double Viking]
+ John Mayer can be be pretty funny sometimes [F-Listed]
+ Some models just seem to make their way around sports [Busted Coverage]
+ 10 of the funniest Bruno clips [Attuworld]

Katy Perry and Benji Madden at Wasted Space nightclub in Las Vegas (2/14)

Actually, Benji did more than just get Katy Perry's number. He probably nailed her. From People:

Earlier in the night she may have called it "the horror that is Valentine's Day," but Katy Perry appears to have been struck by cupid's arrow - which also seems to have hit Paris Hilton's ex, Benji Madden.

Following her Valentine's show at Hard Rock Hotel's Wasted Space, Perry, 24, and Madden, 29, headed to Lavo - where the two conspicuously cuddled throughout the night, later prompting one observer to sense "some chemistry there." Madden, in town to deejay, even danced for Perry during several songs - and at those rare times when their hands weren't on each other's legs. (Source)

As for who Benji's ex, Paris Hilton, hooked up with on Valentine's Day, the answer is: Long Beach.

Benji Madden at the grand opening of My House nightclub in Hollywood (1/9)

Benji Madden is still heartbroken over his breakup with Paris Hilton. All together now: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. His brother Joel and girlfriend Nicole Richie have been doing their best to get him some no-strings-attached hot model sex but he wants no part of it. A source told the National Enquirer:

"Benji thought Paris would come running back to him but he was wrong. Now that Benji realizes Paris has gone on her with her life, he's consumed by heartache. Nicole has all kinds of female friends - from models to actresses- who would love to date Benji. But every time Nicole told Benji that she and Joel would double with him and his fix-up, he flaked out at the last minute and spent the evening whimpering about Paris.

"Joel and Nicole finally had to sit Benji down and show him some tough love by telling him they don't want to hear it anymore. They reminded Benji that he's one of the hottest rock stars on the charts right now and has female fans falling at his feet. Luckily, Joel and Nicole were able to put things in perspective for Benji, and he's beginning to realize that there's life after Paris." (Print Edition - 1/19)

There can only be one reason why Benji wants Paris back so badly: he never has to worry about giving her an STD.* Unfortunately for Benji, the only way back into Paris' heart is for him to engorge a specific part of his body to Herculean proportions. His wallet. If Benji really does want to move on, there is one way he can land another talentless whore of a girlfriend: star in the next season of Rock of Love.
 
*She already has the complete collection, including a rare mint condition 1992 Granuloma Inguinale