Ashton Kutcher


Mila Kunis is angry (5/12)

Mila Kunis went berserk on the paparazzi yesterday outside her home in the Hollywood Hills. Mila and Ashton Kutcher were walking their dog when the altercation occurred, and according to Flynet, "Ashton had to restrain her, guiding her back onto their property." I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that, during your second trimester, you're not supposed to get into screaming matches with the paparazzi. Dammit, Mila used to be so calm and cool. She has half an Ashton Kutcher growing inside of her, and suddenly she becomes an uptight douche bag. I'm not gonna lie -- I totally saw this coming.

*30 Mila Kunis sweatpants pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mila Kunis Screaming 1
  • Mila Kunis Screaming 2
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Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis leaving Sweet Butter in Studio City (3/22)

I'm still hoping to wake up in a cold sweat because this is all just a nightmare, but a ton of sources are reporting that Mila Kunis is pregnant. And the father is her fiance Ashton Kutcher. Aw dammit. I was holding out hope about that last part. A source told Us:
"This is something they both wanted. They are both so happy."
So that makes two. Exactly two people on earth are happy about this.
Another source says Kutcher is "very happy" with the news of his fiancee's pregnancy, although he still remains resolutely private about his personal life. "Ashton has been very private and cut off more than he usually is," the insider tells Us.
At what point do babies develop a smug sense of self-righteousness? Because we might want to move that timeline up for a kid that's half Ashton Kutcher.

ALTERNATE HEADLINE: Infant Trucker Hat company's stock soars.

*25 Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mila Kunis Pregnant News 1
  • Mila Kunis Pregnant News 2
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Mila Kunis leaving The French Market in West Hollywood (3/8)

Here's the first good look at Mila Kunis' gigantic engagement ring from Ashton Kutcher. Jewelers call that the "Sorry for Cheating on You in a Few Years When You're Not as Hot" model. That Ashton Kutcher, always planning for the future

*15 Mila Kunis pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mila Kunis Gigantic Rock 1
  • Mila Kunis Gigantic Rock 2
  • Mila Kunis Gigantic Rock 3
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Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis leaving Black Market Liquor Bar in Studio City (3/3)

Ashton Kutcher -- who famously torpedoed his marriage to Demi Moore by having a one night stand with some prime college ass he met at a club -- now says one night stands are gross. What's he going to hate on next? Trucker hats? He tells Men's Fitness:
"Being a single guy can be a lot of fun."
Or married, as Ashton has shown.
 "... when you're financially independent (and) can do whatever you want, whenever you want. (But) for every girl you have a good time with for one night, if you want to stay single, that's the same girl that you have to not call back. After a while, being the one-night-stand guy is also just a little gross."
That's a good boy, Ashton, good boy. Mila is doing a great job of breaking the King of the Douchebag's bad habits. Clearly her treats are far more satisfying that anything Demi Moore could offer the ex-jerkoff at her advanced age (it might have something to do with the Thong vs. Granny Panties debate of the '80s) Today, his marriage-ruining one night stands with waitresses up and down the west coast are "gross"; tomorrow, he'll be allowed to walk to and from the the park without wearing his choke chain.

*15 Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ashton Kutcher One Night Stand Comments 1
  • Ashton Kutcher One Night Stand Comments 2
  • Ashton Kutcher One Night Stand Comments 3
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Paparazzi photos from Monday, March 3

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis walking their dogs in L.A. (pics start here)

Kendall Jenner out and about in Paris (pics start here)

Julianne Hough on her way to lunch at Joan's on Third in L.A. (pics start here)

Model Ana Braga in Miami (pics start here)

Katy Perry arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Brenda Song on her way to a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Vanessa Hudgens on her way to pilates class in Studio City (pics start here)

Rihanna leaving a restaurant in Paris (pics start here)

Ashley Greene on her way to a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Emma Watson arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Alessandra Ambrosio leaving a gym in Brentwood (pics start here)

Bruce Willis and Emma Heming leaving Crossroads restaurant in Malibu (pics start here)

Jessica Alba out and about in Paris (pics start here)

*117 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ashton Kutcher Hat Down 1
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Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis at the Lakers-Jazz game at The Staples Center in L.A. (1/3)

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis are officially engaged. Mila was spotted wearing a huge diamond ring yesterday in L.A., and sources have confirmed to both People and Us Weekly that the two are engaged. Congratulations, I guess. There was a time when Ashton loved Demi Moore just as much as he now loves Mila, and he ended up cheating on her and blowing up their marriage. So good luck sleeping, Mila, when Ashton calls to tell you an unexpected business trip came up. "Is that Poison in the background . . . are you at a strip club?"

*15 Ashton and Mila pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ashton Mila Officially Engaged 1
  • Ashton Mila Officially Engaged 2
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Paparazzi photos from Wednesday, January 15

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis walking their dogs in L.A. (pics start here)

Brazilian model Julia Pereira in Miami (pics start here)

Kiefer Sutherland leaving Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Kat Von D leaving Coffee Bean in West Hollwyood (pics start here)

Lindsay Lohan leaving Boujis nightclub in London (pics start here)

Thandie Newton out and about in London (pics start here)

Gina Gershon leaving BOA Steakhouse in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jessica Lowndes leaving Toast in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Hilary Duff leaving a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

Khloe Kardashian and Kendall Jenner leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Pippa Middleton out for lunch in London (pics start here)

Alec Baldwin leaving Starbucks in New York (pics start here)

*117 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mila Ashton Walking the Dog 1
  • Mila Ashton Walking the Dog 2
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Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher at a park in L.A. (12/1)

Mila Kunis is not happy. For some strange reason, she really wants to marry confirmed cheater Ashton Kutcher. Ashton's down, but he wants a prenup to protect his "$100 million+ fortune." You heard that right. The trucker-hat-wearing-douchebag from Punk'd is worth nine digits. An insider revealed to the National Enquirer:
"Ashton wants to protect the massive fortune he's earned, but Mila is resisting. She's royally insulted because she stood patiently by his side throughout  his fight with Demi. They're both so bullheaded, and neither is budging. This money battle is threatening to wreck their romance.

"Mila was so relieved when Ashton finally resolved things with Demi, then days later he tells her he'll only marry her if she agrees to sign a prenup. But Mila is very traditional and feels that a prenup is a bad omen." (Print Edition 12/16)
I can understand why Ashton needs a prenup -- the douchebag knows as well as the rest of us that he backed his way into that $100 million nut, and there's no way in hell he should be that rich -- I don't give a shit if he owns the trucker hat company or not. My advice to Mila is to not give in. We already know that Ashton will slowly leech Mila's lifeforce to stay relevant for another 10 years as his contract with Satan demands, so why not get paid for it? In the end, Mila's career will be over, but it's up to her how she will then live the rest of her life. She can be an unemployed actress living off Ashton's ill-begotten loot, or she can be an unemployed actress huffing samples at Ace Hardware like she's some sort of goddam paint connoisseur. Do the right thing, Mila, and take this asshole for everything you can.

*30 Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ashton Mila Prenup 1
  • Ashton Mila Prenup 2
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Mila Kunis shopping in Tampa Bay, Florida (12/7)

Mila Kunis was spotted shopping in Tampa Bay over the weekend, and that definitely looks like a ring -- albeit a small one -- on her finger. Probably smart to marry Ashton ASAP if you're Mila. He only got caught cheating on his last wife once. Chivalrous guys like that just don't exist anymore.

*30 Mila Kunis pictures total in the gallery:

  • Mila Kunis Possible Engagement Ring 1
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George Clooney at the Los Angeles Britannia Awards at The Beverly Hilton Hotel (11/10)

George Clooney pretty much calls Ashton Kutcher an idiot in this month's Esquire for using Twitter. I bet George is just angry that Ashton is always walking across his lawn, trampling his rose bushes. "Damn kids!"
As might be expected, he does not like Twitter. More to the point, he does not approve of Twitter, especially for a certain segment of the population. "If you're famous, I don't--for the life of me--I don't understand why any famous person would ever be on Twitter. Why on God's green earth would you be on Twitter? Because first of all, the worst thing you can do is make yourself more available, right? Because you're going to be available to everybody. But also Twitter. So one drunken night, you come home and you've had two too many drinks and you're watching TV and somebody pisses you off, and you go 'Ehhhhh' and fight back.

"And you go to sleep, and you wake up in the morning and your career is over. Or you're an asshole. Or all the things you might think in the quiet of your drunken evening are suddenly blasted around the entire world before you wake up. I mean, when you see, like, Ashton Kutcher coming out going, you know, 'Everybody leave Joe Paterno alone,' or whatever he said, you just go, 'Fifteen minutes longer and a thought process and probably you wouldn't have done that.'"
Wow, who did Ashton piss off that old man Clooney had to spank him? Look, the geezer is right about Ashton's obsession with Twitter, but as we all know, being a celebrity means you're a coward. Celebrities never put other celebrities on blast like this, so I'm guessing this is a fake quote that came from someone angry with Ashton for duping them (e.g. Hollywood studios, Demi Moore, Mila Kunis, America). Doesn't matter, I like what I'm seeing and I hope all of Hollywood keeps shitting on Ashton, though next time try to work the words "face" and "punchable" into your comments.

*30 George Clooney pictures total in the gallery:

  • George Clooney Ashton Kutcher 1
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: