Archive: Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher has a wandering eye

Ashton Kutcher wants some
Ashton Kutcher on the set of Spread (3/24)

I can’t really blame Ashton for scoping out some younger ass. With the way menopause kills a woman’s sex drive, he has to be getting a little antsy.

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[Pacific Coast News, Splash News]

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Ashton Kutcher is fancy

Ashton Kutcher is fancy
Splash News

Hummingbird shirt? Check. Capris? Check? Tampons? I can’t see his back pocket, but I’d have to assume, check. Ashton Kutcher looks like he’s ready for a busy day of scrapbooking and bitching about making only 70 cents to the dollar.

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Weirdest. Relationship. Ever.

Bruce Willis is friends with Ashton Kutcher
Daily Mail

Yes that’s Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore cuddling in the back of this boat and yes that’s Demi’s ex-husband Bruce Willis fishing. The picture was taken while the two lovebirds were visiting Willis at his home in the Turks and Caicos Islands. There’s a joke about Bruce Willis’ long pole that is just screaming to made here. But, for once in my life, I’ll take the classy high road. Just this post, though. I got a lot of masturbation and poop jokes planned for next week. It’s gonna be awesome. Tell your friends!

Demi Moore is probably pregnant

Is Demi Moore pregnant?

NBC is holding a press conference this Friday to promote their latest reality show, Real Wedding Crashers, hosted by Ashton Kutcher. As you might have guessed, the show is inspired by last year’s box-office hit Wedding Crashers. According to Reality TV Magazine, the television incarnation of the movie:

“…will feature hidden cameras that will record improvisational actors who go undercover at real weddings to bring an added element of surprise to the traditional proceedings.” (Source)

The press conference will be strictly business–NBC made it clear no “personal questions” about Ashton or his wife Demi Moore will be allowed–especially no questions about Demi supposedly being pregnant. The actress’ rep responded to that rumor:

“If or when Demi is pregnant, she and her husband will decide if that extremely private information should be made public.” (Source)

Would you consider “Does your wife swallow?” a personal question? I’ve been meaning to ask him that for quite some time now and this press conference seems like the perfect opportunity. Based on past experiences, it’s usually hit or miss when I ask husbands that question–sometimes they hit me but most of the time they miss. No one can dodge a punch like me. And by “punch” I mean “request for child support.” DNA results my ass, Get off my porch bitch!

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