Ashley Olsen is freaking me out
That’s Ashley Olsen leaving the wedding of Hollywood stylist Estee Stanley Saturday night. I guess she thought it’d be a good idea to confuse the paparazzi by wearing a mask. I really hope this doesn’t catch on because it’s kinda freaking me out. But still not as bad as decimals. You can’t divide 5 by 8. That’s devil’s talk.
[WENN, Pacific Coast News]
Ashley Olsen in New York (12/8)
I’m disappointed in you Ashley. I didn’t think you had it in you to so haphazardly toss a lit cigarette on the ground like some common hobo. You know how I’m doing my Christmas shopping this weekend? Well go ahead and kiss that extra sale of The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Case of the Volcano Mystery goodbye. And I’m returning all of my Full House DVDs. Except season 5–or as I call it: “the season when D.J. Tanner finally started developing breasts.” Shit, did I just say that out loud.
Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen
According to both the Post and Daily News, 36-year-old Lance Armstrong and 21-year-old Ashley Olsen were all over each last night in New York. First the New York Daily News said:
Maybe Ashley Olsen just wanted some tips on how to wear spandex well. The pint-size starlet was seen nuzzling up to Lance Armstrong on Monday night at Rose Bar. The duo arrived together just after midnight, and Ashley stopped to get a hug from a sober Owen Wilson, who “looked really good and healthy.” Said our spy: “Ashley and Lance settled in and within minutes, he was whispering in her ear and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. They totally looked like they were on a date.” (Source)
And then the New York Post said:
Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch’s ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.” (Source)
Hate to break it to you Lance but you’re about four years too late with this chick. Remember when everyone was counting down the days until the Olsen Twins’ 18th birthday? And then they just sorta turned into freaks? It was like one day I was figuring out how to hook up with a 17-year-old without going to jail again and then the next day they were zombies. It’s enough to make a creepy old pedophile who drives a windowless van and has foil covering his apartment windows weep. Hi Dad!
Twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen may be getting twin nose jobs. According to the upcoming In Touch Weekly, the two have already consulted with Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Dr. Raj Kanodia about the procedure. An “insider” told In Touch:
“Ashley has always thought her nose was a little too big, so she wanted to get it done,” an “insider” tells the mag. “When she talked to her sister about it, she loved the idea.” There has been speculation in the past that the mini-moguls have already had their features tweaked under the knife. “They both love changing their looks,” a friend tells ITW. “They thought this would make them look more polished.” (Source)
You know what I do when I want to change my look? I shower and put on a top hat. And then shine my pocket watch. And twirl my cane. Because that’s what people with top hats and pocket watches do. They twirl canes. And use sentence fragments. A lot of them.
Ashley Olsen was attacked over the weekend by a family of red foxes. I’m confused (again!). Isn’t Ashley the more sane Olsen twin that wears somewhat normal clothing? Though I guess “somewhat normal” to one of the Olsens means matching the lampshade on their head to the color of their belt.
The Olsen twins as well as Mischa Barton were denied entry into an exclusive dinner because they forgot to RSVP:
The Olsen twins got a lesson in etiquette from French Vogue on Saturday. The fashion darlings had been invited - but neglected to RSVP - to an exclusive dinner hosted by Mario Testino, honoring Margarita Missoni and the daughters of Anna Wintour and French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld. “There weren’t places for them because they hadn’t RSVPed,” says one guest. “They were refused entry at the door!” Brandon Davis and Mischa Barton were also denied their unauthorized plus-ones.
I’m a little confused by this story. Since when did Mary-Kate and Ashley start eating solid foods? The Olsen twins being pissed about being denied dinner is like me showing up to the Tampax factory and being angry that they won’t give me a tour. Not really a huge loss on my end.
