Recently in Ashley Olsen Category

PETA: 1, Olsen Twins: 0

The Olsen Twins and Sharon Stone both had their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame defaced last week. From WENN:

Sharon Stone and the Olsen twins have had their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame defaced by anti-fur protesters. This is not the first time these celebrities have come under fire for wearing fur, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) members are constantly holding protests outside signings and public appearances in a bid to rid fur from fashion.

If you really want to get the Olsen twins' attention, you don't deface their star on the Walk of Fame. You keep them from "dieting" by putting Tabasco Sauce on the ends of their fingers.  Besides, how much fur could those two Spiegel look-a-likes wear? If these protesters are set on outing a young Hollywood starlet that abuses fur, they'd be better served protesting Vanessa Hudgen's next film. (link is NSFW!)


PETA: 1, Sharon Stone: 0

PETA protesting Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's appearance at Barnes & Noble in New York City (10/28)

+ Paris Hilton, you're not funny [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Sofia Vergara gets groped [Lossip]

+ Anne Hathaway Strips Down in Vogue [Egotastic!]

+ Kimberly Walsh from Girls Aloud upskirt [TaxiDriverMovie]

+ Nadine Velazquez pics from FHM [NewsToob]

+ Bill Clinton to be a giant vagina for Halloween [Holy Taco]

+ Axia Andreadaki is the International Babe of the Day [Double Viking]

+ I guess anyone can appear on Letterman nowadays [ICYDK]

+ The hottest Jessica Biel's looked in a while [F-Listed]

Why can't they ever look normal?

ary-Kate Olsen's lack of a work ethic is causing a rift in her relationship with sister Ashley. There's been tension between the two ever since Ashley asked Mary-Kate to step aside from her duties at the twin's fashion line The Row. A friend told In Touch Weekly:

"Ashley really wants to be a respected businesswoman and be taken seriously. MK does too, but she hasn't been willing to give up her lifestyle and act like an adult for their job. Ashley came to a difficult decision. She decided that MK should not be involved with The Row. She asked her sister to step back from her current responsibilities until she has her personal life together. It's tough because The Row was so much of Mary-Kate's idea. Mary-Kate has a unique fashion sense."

If a person dresses like a homeless anorexic, is that what's considered having a "unique fashion sense" these days? If so, it's no wonder I can't get laid. Here I am being old fashioned by bathing, brushing my teeth, and changing my underwear . . . bi-monthly. Mary Kate's sense of style probably explains the real reason why Ashley doesn't want to hang out with her: body odor.

Ashley Olsen is freaking me out

That's Ashley Olsen leaving the wedding of Hollywood stylist Estee Stanley Saturday night. I guess she thought it'd be a good idea to confuse the paparazzi by wearing a mask. I really hope this doesn't catch on because it's kinda freaking me out. But still not as bad as decimals. You can't divide 5 by 8. That's devil's talk.

Ashley Olsen in New York (12/8)

I'm disappointed in you Ashley. I didn't think you had it in you to so haphazardly toss a lit cigarette on the ground like some common hobo. You know how I'm doing my Christmas shopping this weekend? Well go ahead and kiss that extra sale of The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Case of the Volcano Mystery goodbye. And I'm returning all of my Full House DVDs. Except season 5--or as I call it: "the season when D.J. Tanner finally started developing breasts." Shit, did I just say that out loud.

Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen

According to both the Post and Daily News, 36-year-old Lance Armstrong and 21-year-old Ashley Olsen were all over each last night in New York. First the New York Daily News said:

Maybe Ashley Olsen just wanted some tips on how to wear spandex well. The pint-size starlet was seen nuzzling up to Lance Armstrong on Monday night at Rose Bar. The duo arrived together just after midnight, and Ashley stopped to get a hug from a sober Owen Wilson, who "looked really good and healthy." Said our spy: "Ashley and Lance settled in and within minutes, he was whispering in her ear and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. They totally looked like they were on a date." (Source)

And then the New York Post said:

Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch's ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, "They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m." (Source)

Hate to break it to you Lance but you're about four years too late with this chick. Remember when everyone was counting down the days until the Olsen Twins' 18th birthday? And then they just sorta turned into freaks? It was like one day I was figuring out how to hook up with a 17-year-old without going to jail again and then the next day they were zombies. It's enough to make a creepy old pedophile who drives a windowless van and has foil covering his apartment windows weep. Hi Dad!

Ashley Olsen was attacked over the weekend by a family of red foxes. I'm confused (again!). Isn't Ashley the more sane Olsen twin that wears somewhat normal clothing? Though I guess "somewhat normal" to one of the Olsens means matching the lampshade on their head to the color of their belt.

Mary-Kate (without her boyfriend Max Snow) and Ashley Olsen rang in Christmas with a couple of "groupie clones" Sunday night at the Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles. According to a source, the Olsen twins' friends "were dressed just like them in oversize sweaters, beanies and extremely high heels." The source adds:

...the followers "hung out just with themselves most of the night" drinking and chain-smoking - until Mary-Kate was spotted with a handsome model. "They chatted for a while and giggled," said our spy, "and Mary-Kate made sure to tell him goodbye in a sexy and flirty way" - which included "doing a strut with her sister and friends in front of his friends." The hunk got into the holiday spirit by turning bright red while the girls at the party were left green with envy.

Obviously the only reason guys are still talking to these skanks is because they're worth more than most countries. Personally, I'd rather flirt with a pack of rabid coyotes. Or even have sex with a bag full of used needles from a San Francisco free clinic. It's considered sex if you "finish" inside of the bag, right? God I hope so, it'd be pretty embarrassing to still be a virgin at 47.

"We've each had this many meals in the past two weeks."

Can you beat my caption?

Winner, decided by me and posted Monday night (12/4), to receive $10 Amazon.com gift code (will be emailed).

Winner (12/4): Congratulations to this week’s winner E-Lobe:

“High five for us for a successful transition from ipecac to laxatives!”

Check back this Friday for new contest.

Animal right's group PETA just named Nicole Richie the world's worst-dressed celebrity:

"This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones," notes the animal rights group. "She's an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match."

Jesus Christ that is cold. Thank God PETA didn't find out about my blanket made of purebred golden retrievers. It's so soft and warm!

Coming in second to Richie was Ashley Olsen:

"Wearing fur does add 20 pounds," PETA says, "but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead."

What the fuck? When did PETA get funny? They're supposed to be throwing paint on fur coats and taking a lackadaisical attitude towards personal hygiene, not making me chuckle while I drink my morning coffee. And how exactly does making fun of celebrities with eating disorders work into their whole 'saving animals' mission? It's almost like PETA is trying to steal my job.

Rounding out the top 3 was Eva Longoria:

Opines PETA: "You'd think she'd be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws around like one on Wisteria Lane."

Oy vey with the PETA joking! Maybe I should give up writing real celebrity stories and just start posting PETA press releases. Here goes:

Community Should Fear for Public Safety, Say Experts

For Immediate Release:

November 16, 2006

Contact:

Dan Paden 757-622-7382

Millville, N.J. -- Today, PETA sent an urgent plea to Cumberland County Prosecutor Ronald J. Casella urging his office to vigorously prosecute Andrew Lopez of Millville. Lopez faces charges stemming from a November 1 incident in which he allegedly deliberately ran over at least 11 seagulls with his car in a Cumberland Mall parking lot. News sources state that seven of the animals were killed-left with broken necks and shattered wings-after they were struck and that four others were critically injured.

On second thought, maybe I won't do that...