Ashlee Simpson

Ashlee Simpson leaving the Jenni Kayne salon in West Hollywood (11/15)

In Ashlee Simpson's defense, if you charge $90 for a car wash, you deserve to get stiffed on the tip. Heh heh heh, stiffed. From Star:

Ashlee Simpson gave a less-than-generous tip to some hardworking car washers in L.A. on Nov. 19. "Ashlee's a terrible tipper!" says the source. "Three guys were working their butts off washing, waxing and detailing her car. It cost $90, but she only tipped the guys 3 bucks! (Print Edition - 12/19)

Come on, this story isn't fair. The fact that Ashlee isn't working at a car wash is amazing in itself. I can't believe we even think of her as a celebrity anymore. Unless Ash starts to turn tricks at Selena Gomez concerts, I expect to not hear or see anything from her in the near future. Well, maybe I spoke too soon. She'd make a fine Walmart greeter.

*26 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz on their honeymoon in the Caribbean in 2008 

Did Pete Wentz have a prescription drug addiction that ultimately led to Ashlee Simpson filing for divorce? Sure, why not. From the National Enquirer:

Ashlee Simpson pulled the plug on her marriage to Pete Wentz because of his out-of-control dug habit, say sources. Fed up with the rocker's abuse of prescription drugs, his wandering eye and because she feared for the safety of the couple's 2-year-old son, the singer-actress filed for divorce on Feb.9 after less than three years of marriage. Although Ashlee had been pressing Pete to go to rehab for a while - and had even threatened to leave him - insiders say the troubled musician didn't take her demands seriously until it was too late.

"Ashlee realized that Pete had become a functioning addict and that he wasn't making any effort to quit," revealed an insider. He'd been taking the sleeping pill Ambien OxyContin, said the source -- and Ashlee had concerns about Pete's behavior around their son Bronx. "More than once, Ashlee has been awakened in the middle of the night by Pete standing over her in a zombie-like stupor mumbling incoherently," the insider said. "And when she told him about these frightening episodes the next morning, he couldn't remember what happened. Pete's behavior was getting worse as time went on- and he wouldn't admit to a problem."

Where's the compassion for this guy? If you were married to that loudmouthed harpy and looked like an anorexic emo hobbit, you'd be taking pills to make yourself feel better too. Frankly, I'm surprised this guy wasn't in a completely comatose state 24/7. Fortunately for Pete, if he wants to ensure that everyone (i.e. America) ends up happy, there's still one more pill he could take: a cyanide capsule.

*15 Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson leaving the Andy Lecompte Salon In West Hollywood (1/27)

And another one bites the dust. Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce today from her comically-small and painfully-unfunny husband Pete Wentz, ending their 2 1/2 year marriage. Even his name is tiny. From People:

"After careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to file for divorce," the couple said through a spokesperson. "We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our No. 1 priority. We ask that everyone honor our privacy as we navigate this next phase of our lives."

In the court papers, which were signed by Simpson-Wentz on Monday and filed on Tuesday, it says the couple's date of separation is to be determined. Simpson-Wentz is seeking primary physical custody of their 2-year-old son, Bronx, with visitation for Wentz. She is also seeking to go back to her maiden name of Simpson and drop "Wentz."

Aw man, this is terrible news for Pete. Now he has nobody to help get cans down from the top shelf and protect him from strange noises in the nighttime. "Ash-Ash-Ash-Ashlee . . . I head a strange noise in the li-li-li-living room . . . can you go ma-ma-ma-make sure no one's there?"

*15 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson shopping at Tough Cookies children's boutique (11/3)

Sorry, I had to post these pics of Ashlee Simpson's freakish jaw to bump those Kat Dennings nude pics from the top. I don't want you guys thinking the site turned into Egotastic! or something. My family's already ashamed that I'm a blogger as it is. My mom tells everyone I ran away to North Hollywood and started turning $20 tricks to survive.

*31 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, June 19 and Sunday, June 20

Ashlee Simpson out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Chanelle Hayes (Big Brother) on vacation in Greece (pics start here)

Kelly Monaco at the "Take No Prisoners" party in L.A. (pics start here)

Kelly Preston shopping at a souvenir store in Rio de Janeiro (pics start here)

English WAG Alex Curran shopping in England (pics start here)

Grace Jones at Ascot Racecourse in England (pics start here)

Sofia Coppola out and about in New York (pics start here)

Nicole Richie outside the Sydney Theatre in Australia (pics start here)

Russell Brand and Noel Gallagher leaving Zuma restaurant in London (pics here)

Busy Philipps leaving Starbucks in L.A. (pics start here)

Emmy Rossum and Michelle Trachtenberg in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Mischa Barton at a gas station in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Lydia Hearst at the Markus Klinko & Indrani photographic exhibition at the Angel Orensanz Foundation in New York (pics start here)

*117 pics total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson out and about in Beverly Hills (3/26)

This month's "Jessica Simpson is fat" story is brought to you by the National Enquirer:

Jessica Simpson insists she's happy with her curves, but pals say she's jealous of her younger sister Ashlee's super-slender figure.

"Jessica wants everyone to believe she's learned to embrace her shape, but the truth is she'd give the world to have a skinny body like Ashlee's," a friend told The Enquirer. "Although Jessica claims her new show has helped her overcome years of body image issues, she's more insecure than ever about her looks."

"She's exercising like crazy with an intensive boxing, jogging and weight-lifting regimen, and she's following a strict no-sugar, low-carb diet. Yet she still can't can't lose the extra weight."

"While promoting her new show, 5-foot-3 Jessica hinted at her self-image struggles, admitting: "I haven't always looked at my reflection and loved it. There's always something that I've wanted to fix because there's always somebody that looks better."

And that somebody is 25-year-old Ashlee, sources say. At 5-foot-6, she's still a lithe size 0 even after giving birth to son Bronx in November 2008. "Jessica loves her sister dearly and wishes she was blessed with the same fast metabolism that Ashlee has, who barely has to exercise to stay fit," the friend divulged.

There are two reasons why Jessica shouldn't be jealous of her sister: her right boob and her left boob. Besides, unlike Ashlee, Jessica isn't married to the world's biggest douche, didn't embarrass herself on SNL, and hasn't had more plastic surgery than Joan Rivers. No, Jessica's place as the biggest star in the Simpson family should continue for many years to come . . . or at least until her tits start to sag.

Ashlee Simpson and her son Bronx at Dragon Book in L.A. (11/20)

+ Forgotten celebrity Playboy spreads [PopEater]

+ Katie Couric is shitfaced, dancing [The Superficial]
+ Lisa Rinna posts a picture of herself without makeup. Yikes. [IDLYITW]
+ The most disturbing thing you'll see all day (SFW) [College Humor]
+ That's a man, baby [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Roman Polanski granted bail. Ridiculous. [Wonderwall]
+ This is pretty much the worst outfit ever [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Jude Law looking mighty gay [Dlisted]
+ More makeup than a clown [moejackson]

+ The Pussycat Dolls are no more [The Blemish]
+ Vote on Victoria's Secret's next model [CityRag]
+ That's not how you're supposed to dress for a business meeting [Double Viking]
+ Cheryl Cole is beautiful people [Derek Hail]

Ashlee Simpson at the Melrose Place launch party held on Melrose Place and Melrose Avenue in L.A. (8/22)

Turns out Ashlee Simpson wasn't booted from Melrose Place to further the plot. She was booted because she was an asshole. A source told Fox News:

"Ashlee was kicked off 'Melrose Place' because she was a total diva on set, late all the time, and deeply disliked by fellow cast members. It created a lot of discord among the cast."

Another big problem, says the snitch?

"She could barely act."

Keep in mind acting is probably the easiest thing to do in the world. You just talk. Any moron can do it and do it well. You don't have to operate a centrifuge, perform open heart surgery, or lecture to a class of 200 students (i.e. real jobs). You just talk. On IMDB right now, there's 165 listings for the keyword "dog actor." There's another 55 listings for "horse actor" and another 39 for "monkey actor." In other words, Ashlee could barely do what many dogs, horses, and monkeys have successfully done over the years. She's basically retarded.

Ashlee Simpson out and about in West Hollywood (9/23)

According to the National Enquirer, Ashlee Simpson is on the verge of a mental breakdown and . . . and . . . and holy shit, look at the size of her neck! She looks like a freaking velociraptor! From the tabloid:

Pals fear Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown after Melrose Place eviction. The rail-thin 25-year-old singer/actress is devastated after being axed from the cast of Melrose just two months into the season.

"Ashlee didn't see it coming, and now she's crushed," divulged an insider. "She invested her heart and soul into the job. She feels like the rug has been pulled out from under her . . . Ashlee's friends are concerned that she's headed for an emotional meltdown. She was desperate to establish herself as a serious actress, but now she's worried that she's failing."

Ashlee really hoped to "establish herself as a serious actress"? That possibility pretty much went out the window the moment she appeared on a reality TV show . . . made a jackass out of herself lip-syncing on SNL . . . did this at McDonalds . . . had her entire face reconstructed with plastic surgery . . . seriously, I could go on all day with these . . . married Pete Wentz . . .

Jessica Simpson at Heathrow Airport in London (10/10)

So remember how that producer dude of Melrose Place said it was the plan from the beginning to kill Ashlee Simpson off after 12 episodes? Turns out he was lying and the Simpson family is still a little pissed about it. Jessica ripped the show today on her twitter:

CW catching up on MP.who writes this crap?i have had bad scripts to work with,but this?thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press
about 13 hours ago from web

Jessica Simpson talking shit about someone else's writing is like Stephen Hawking talking shit about someone else's walking. God I love twitter. It's a fucking gold mine.