Ashlee Simpson

Ashlee Simpson bikini pics!

Ashlee Simpson in Oahu, Hawaii (12/29)

*30 Ashlee Simpson bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson in Oahu (12/26)

The Simpson family is currently on vacation in Hawaii, including matriarch Tina, Jessica and her fiance Eric, and Ashlee, who kindly showed off her ass to the paparazzi yesterday. As you can see from the gallery, Papa Joe Simpson wasn't able to make it, presumably because of some really gay reason. "I hear Hawaii has really big spiders! Eeeeek!"

*20 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

That's pretty gay, dude

Joe Simpson is famous for 1. Being the father of Ashlee and Jessica Simpson, and 2. Being the creepy father who always talks about Jessica Simpson's boobs. But suddenly it doesn't seem so creepy because a family insider told the National Enquirer that Joe is queerer than a three dollar bill. No wonder Jessica can hit that high note! Via Radar:

And not only has a family source told The National Enquirer that 54-year-old Joe came out of the closet, the source says the former youth pastor and Baptist minister has a 20-some­thing boy toy! The stunning confession was the  real reason wife Tina filed for divorce from Joe, her husband of 34 years, in late September, the Enquirer reports.

"Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet," an insider divulged. "He told them that he'd tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn't go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men. Joe said it wasn't fair to her, and it wasn't fair to him."

You know, I've had my suspicions about Joe for quite some time. There's always been something about him that's just "off." I think the smoking gun for me was that time I ran into him at a club in Hollywood and he let me fuck him in the ass. I kid, I kid. It was in Santa Monica.

*5 Gay Joe Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Jessica Simpson's parents are divorcing

The entire Simpson family officially sucks at marriage. Ashlee divorced Pete. Jessica divorced Nick. And now Tina and Joe are splitting up. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Jessica's parents -- Tina and Joe Simpson -- are said to be amicably finalizing their divorce. Intriguingly, Tina Simpson is said to be far richer than her estranged hubby. A number of years ago, she and Joe divided up their responsibilities of managing Jessica's career -- with Joe handling her showbiz projects and Tina overseeing the merchandising and endorsement possibilities. Given Jessica's singing and acting have been eclipsed by her endorsement and licensing deals -- which make hundreds of millions -- Tina has really raked in the big bucks.

Phew! This must be one hell of a release for Joe.The Simpsons are getting divorced, so Papa Joe can finally stop pretending to not be staring at Jessica's tits all the time. I Hope Tina doesn't think she's coming out the winner in this situation, because his hard-on clearly states that Joe's not in it for the money. Careers be damned, "She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!" It must have been horrible to explain why he can't maintain an erection unless he's motorboating his daughter. You know, I admit that last line was pretty dark, but in my defense I have it on good authority that Joe agrees with everything I wrote.

*10 Simpson Family pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson leaving the Jenni Kayne salon in West Hollywood (11/15)

In Ashlee Simpson's defense, if you charge $90 for a car wash, you deserve to get stiffed on the tip. Heh heh heh, stiffed. From Star:

Ashlee Simpson gave a less-than-generous tip to some hardworking car washers in L.A. on Nov. 19. "Ashlee's a terrible tipper!" says the source. "Three guys were working their butts off washing, waxing and detailing her car. It cost $90, but she only tipped the guys 3 bucks! (Print Edition - 12/19)

Come on, this story isn't fair. The fact that Ashlee isn't working at a car wash is amazing in itself. I can't believe we even think of her as a celebrity anymore. Unless Ash starts to turn tricks at Selena Gomez concerts, I expect to not hear or see anything from her in the near future. Well, maybe I spoke too soon. She'd make a fine Walmart greeter.

*26 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz on their honeymoon in the Caribbean in 2008 

Did Pete Wentz have a prescription drug addiction that ultimately led to Ashlee Simpson filing for divorce? Sure, why not. From the National Enquirer:

Ashlee Simpson pulled the plug on her marriage to Pete Wentz because of his out-of-control dug habit, say sources. Fed up with the rocker's abuse of prescription drugs, his wandering eye and because she feared for the safety of the couple's 2-year-old son, the singer-actress filed for divorce on Feb.9 after less than three years of marriage. Although Ashlee had been pressing Pete to go to rehab for a while - and had even threatened to leave him - insiders say the troubled musician didn't take her demands seriously until it was too late.

"Ashlee realized that Pete had become a functioning addict and that he wasn't making any effort to quit," revealed an insider. He'd been taking the sleeping pill Ambien OxyContin, said the source -- and Ashlee had concerns about Pete's behavior around their son Bronx. "More than once, Ashlee has been awakened in the middle of the night by Pete standing over her in a zombie-like stupor mumbling incoherently," the insider said. "And when she told him about these frightening episodes the next morning, he couldn't remember what happened. Pete's behavior was getting worse as time went on- and he wouldn't admit to a problem."

Where's the compassion for this guy? If you were married to that loudmouthed harpy and looked like an anorexic emo hobbit, you'd be taking pills to make yourself feel better too. Frankly, I'm surprised this guy wasn't in a completely comatose state 24/7. Fortunately for Pete, if he wants to ensure that everyone (i.e. America) ends up happy, there's still one more pill he could take: a cyanide capsule.

*15 Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson leaving the Andy Lecompte Salon In West Hollywood (1/27)

And another one bites the dust. Ashlee Simpson filed for divorce today from her comically-small and painfully-unfunny husband Pete Wentz, ending their 2 1/2 year marriage. Even his name is tiny. From People:

"After careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to file for divorce," the couple said through a spokesperson. "We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our No. 1 priority. We ask that everyone honor our privacy as we navigate this next phase of our lives."

In the court papers, which were signed by Simpson-Wentz on Monday and filed on Tuesday, it says the couple's date of separation is to be determined. Simpson-Wentz is seeking primary physical custody of their 2-year-old son, Bronx, with visitation for Wentz. She is also seeking to go back to her maiden name of Simpson and drop "Wentz."

Aw man, this is terrible news for Pete. Now he has nobody to help get cans down from the top shelf and protect him from strange noises in the nighttime. "Ash-Ash-Ash-Ashlee . . . I head a strange noise in the li-li-li-living room . . . can you go ma-ma-ma-make sure no one's there?"

*15 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson shopping at Tough Cookies children's boutique (11/3)

Sorry, I had to post these pics of Ashlee Simpson's freakish jaw to bump those Kat Dennings nude pics from the top. I don't want you guys thinking the site turned into Egotastic! or something. My family's already ashamed that I'm a blogger as it is. My mom tells everyone I ran away to North Hollywood and started turning $20 tricks to survive.

*31 Ashlee Simpson pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, June 19 and Sunday, June 20

Ashlee Simpson out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Chanelle Hayes (Big Brother) on vacation in Greece (pics start here)

Kelly Monaco at the "Take No Prisoners" party in L.A. (pics start here)

Kelly Preston shopping at a souvenir store in Rio de Janeiro (pics start here)

English WAG Alex Curran shopping in England (pics start here)

Grace Jones at Ascot Racecourse in England (pics start here)

Sofia Coppola out and about in New York (pics start here)

Nicole Richie outside the Sydney Theatre in Australia (pics start here)

Russell Brand and Noel Gallagher leaving Zuma restaurant in London (pics here)

Busy Philipps leaving Starbucks in L.A. (pics start here)

Emmy Rossum and Michelle Trachtenberg in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Mischa Barton at a gas station in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Lydia Hearst at the Markus Klinko & Indrani photographic exhibition at the Angel Orensanz Foundation in New York (pics start here)

*117 pics total in the gallery:

Ashlee Simpson out and about in Beverly Hills (3/26)

This month's "Jessica Simpson is fat" story is brought to you by the National Enquirer:

Jessica Simpson insists she's happy with her curves, but pals say she's jealous of her younger sister Ashlee's super-slender figure.

"Jessica wants everyone to believe she's learned to embrace her shape, but the truth is she'd give the world to have a skinny body like Ashlee's," a friend told The Enquirer. "Although Jessica claims her new show has helped her overcome years of body image issues, she's more insecure than ever about her looks."

"She's exercising like crazy with an intensive boxing, jogging and weight-lifting regimen, and she's following a strict no-sugar, low-carb diet. Yet she still can't can't lose the extra weight."

"While promoting her new show, 5-foot-3 Jessica hinted at her self-image struggles, admitting: "I haven't always looked at my reflection and loved it. There's always something that I've wanted to fix because there's always somebody that looks better."

And that somebody is 25-year-old Ashlee, sources say. At 5-foot-6, she's still a lithe size 0 even after giving birth to son Bronx in November 2008. "Jessica loves her sister dearly and wishes she was blessed with the same fast metabolism that Ashlee has, who barely has to exercise to stay fit," the friend divulged.

There are two reasons why Jessica shouldn't be jealous of her sister: her right boob and her left boob. Besides, unlike Ashlee, Jessica isn't married to the world's biggest douche, didn't embarrass herself on SNL, and hasn't had more plastic surgery than Joan Rivers. No, Jessica's place as the biggest star in the Simpson family should continue for many years to come . . . or at least until her tits start to sag.