Angelina Jolie at the commemoration of "World Refugee Day" at the National Geographic Society in Washington (6/18)
In 1999, Angelina Jolie won a Golden Satellite Award for her work in the made-for-television movie
Gia. In 2000, she won an Oscar for her work in
Girl, Interrupted. In 2001, she won a Blockbuster Entertainment Award for her work in
Gone in Sixty Seconds. In 2005, she won a People's Choice Award for "Favorite Female Action Movie Star." In 2006, she won a Ciné Award for "Best Kiss" in
Mr & Mrs. Smith. In 2008, she won a Satellite Award for her work in
Changeling. In 2009, she took home another People's Choice Award for "Favorite Female Action Movie Star." Guess which award qualifies her to be President? Hint:
none. But that's not stopping her. A friend of her's told UK newspaper
Daily Express:
"Ange has admitted she’s getting bored with Hollywood. She said she’s now got her sights set on Washington. She is passionate about people’s rights, war and justice and thinks she can get more hands-on and make even more of a difference by getting into politics. She admires Obama and thinks she could make a big difference too if she were in his position.
"I would place a huge wager on her becoming the first female president in the next 20 years. When Ange sets her mind on something, she goes all out to do it. She’s very determined and gets very stirred by her UN work. She is well respected for her humanitarian work and I’m sure she would make as many waves if she moved fully into the political world.”
When will celebrities realize that no one wants to hear their god damn opinions about world politics? Angelina's about as qualified as an egomaniacal lunatic to be President of the United States . . . so a lot like our last ten. If Angelina really believes she can "make a big difference" in US policy, there's one Cabinet position I think we can all agree that she is uniquely qualified for: Secretary of BJs. You know that's how George Washington met Martha, right? She was so talented, she could suck-start a horse-drawn carriage.
Angelina Jolie at the premiere of Inglourious Basterds at the Cannes Film Festival (5/20)
While it looks like
those breakup rumors about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie weren't true, things aren't exactly going well in their relationship. Her birthday party earlier this month in Long Island (which Brad flew in from L.A. for) was a disaster. And it's all thanks to that no good bitch Jennifer Aniston. A "close friend" of the couple's told
In Touch Weekly:
"Brad made an effort to be with Angie. He was really hoping they would get along and enjoy themselves. Things were going fine, and then Angie started accusing Brad of meeting Jen in LA. It turned into a massive blowup, which left Brad more disillusioned than ever."
According to another pal, Brad didn’t stick around to argue. "He told her straight out that he’s had enough and was out of there," the pal reveals. Four days later, Brad was spotted visiting Angelina on the Washington, D.C., set of her film Salt. But the pal says they’re just going through the motions for appearance’s sake. "Angelina has cried a lot of tears over Brad." Another confidante agrees: "This split has been simmering for months, and unless something drastic happens, it is going to boil over very soon. The only thing keeping Brad from officially walking out is their six kids."
It's obvious why Brad keeps reducing Angelina to tears: he's
insensitive cheating with Jen discovered what most guys already know about sex -- it's better when she cries. Oh, and I don't think it's the six kids that's keeping Brad from "officially walking out," it's Angelina's vindictive nature. Any guy that walks out on her, better be prepared to wake up with a horse's head in their bed . . . still attached to the horse.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the premiere of Inglourious Basterds at the Cannes Film Festival (5/20)
The
National Enquirer is reporting that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have officially split up. The final straw for Angelina was apparently Brad's continued contact with ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. Angelina Jolie, karma. Karma, Angelina Jolie. Pleased you two could meet. A source told the tabloid:
"They will make it official. It looks like Brad will be shooting two movies in California and in the Amazon, while Angelina is retreating to their French chateau with the rest of the family. It's an official split. Brad and Angelina will make appearances together from time to time, and he'll meet up with the kids when he can. But make no mistake, this is a major split."
It's gonna be ridiculous how much rebound sex Brad Pitt's gonna have over the next month. I think the best analogy would be to imagine Brad's penis as a loose fire hose, turned on to full blast, whipping and spraying everywhere. But instead of fireman getting soaked, it'll be a bunch of random club whores.
Wow, that analogy was truly beautiful.
Angelina Jolie on the set of Salt in New York (4/23)
Angelina Jolie is a complete mess. According to those working on the set of her new film
Salt, the actress is slowly breaking down, spending hours at a time alone in her trailer. There's even fears that Angelina may be cutting again (she's admitted to self-harming in the past). A source told Britain's
Now magazine:
"Angie’s been crying in her trailer most days and is barely eating. She keeps forgetting her lines and she’s been shaking and staring into space. In fact, it’s been so bad that some crew members have suspected she’s using drugs, although that’s out of the question.
"But the ones who know her realize it could be something much, much worse if she’s self-harming. When she’s at home she just about holds it together, but she stays up listening to the same song over and over and rarely sleeps."
It's true. Angelina has been known to "self-harm" herself. Case in point: her marriage to Billy Bob Thornton. Let's just hope for my right hand's sake she doesn't harm what I consider her most attractive asset:
her lips her breasts her bank account. Oh, and if anyone's wondering what song Angelina listens to when she cries herself to sleep at night, it's
Jessica Andrews' classic
Who I Am Karma. And Jennifer Aniston is pressing the play button.
Angelina Jolie filming Salt in New York (3/21)
The air is crisp, the flowers are blooming, and the birds are chirping. The Angelina Jolie pregnancy rumor season is officially upon us.
Star brings us the first one:
In the April 27 issue of Star — on sale today! — we exclusively reveal that Hollywood's most famous parents, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, are adding another child to their clan.
"Yes, Angie is pregnant," a family insider tells Star. "They'd been trying for another baby for months, but it was still a total shock when she found out. Brad and Angie have been fighting so much lately, it just didn't seem possible."
A source close to the actress confirms that Angie is about two and a half months along. "She's thrilled. She said she knew she was pregnant before the test confirmed it!" But she kept the news from Brad, only telling him when he returned from a trip to New Orleans at the end of March. "It happened just in time, because things were getting pretty ugly between them," says one source.
In summary, she's definitely not knocked up. There have been countless pregnancy rumors about Angelina over the past few years. If they were all true she'd have 25 babies and a reality show on TLC by now. "Tune in this Sunday for the season premiere of
Brad, Angelina, and Her Amazing Clown Car Vagina."
Brad Pitt leaving an office building in Beverly Hills (2/22)
According to the
National Enquirer, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's "fairytale romance" has imploded. Wow, who could have seen that coming. Put your hand down
Jennifer. I mean it. We're not in class. From the tabloid:
Brad Pitt has moved out after a furious bust-up with Angelina Jolie - and friends fear the couple is heading for an ugly legal battle that will tear their family apart! The Enquirer has also learned Brad plans to ask for custody of ALL six children if their split ends up in court, where a judge may have to work out who gets what of their $200 million fortune.
Insiders say the couple's fairytale romance imploded when Brad, 45, confronted Angelina over not devoting enough time to him, while he's been caring for their children - Maddox, 7, Pax, 5, Zahara, 4, Shiloh, 2, and 8-month-old twins Knox and Vivienne.
"It ended up with a big shouting match," an insider told The Enquirer. "They may end up splitting for good, and if it comes to that, Brad is going to ask for custody of all the children," the insider said. (Source)
This story is fake for one obvious reason: No guy on earth would want sole custody of six kids -- especially if three of them aren't even yours. What's more likely is that a guy would actually pay his ex to keep his annoying kids as far away from him as possible. These payments would be for the children's welfare and presumably made on a monthly basis -- as a kind of "support" if you will. If only there were a legal term for that type of arrangement . . .
Trouble in paradise?
If you get caught fucking the nanny and the worse thing that happens is that you have to sleep in another room for a few nights, I think you're still ahead of the game. From
Star:
In the April 6 issue of Star — on sale now! — we report that Angie is still furious over catching Brad with one of the family nannies and has kicked him out of their bedroom. While the couple once caused a stir with their loud lovemaking at an African resort, now Angelina won't let Brad near her at home. "Angie is still very angry over the nanny thing," an insider tells Star. "Right now, the separate bedrooms arrangement seems to be the best thing for them. Brad doesn't want to face her cold fury every night."
Brad is so unhappy about sleeping solo that he's even taken to "camping out" with the kids in sleeping bags inside little tents in their rooms. "He tells them it's because Mommy's working late again, but it's really because she banned him from their bedroom," the insider adds. (Source)
At least one good thing will result from these two not sleeping in the same bed: no more children -- Brad's probably happy for the reprieve. Any Joe Schmo can take care of six kids, but seven? That's just too much. And why is Angelina jealous of their nanny anyway? The only way this nanny could possibly be more desirable than Angelina is if she had
bigger tits bigger lips less kids.
Angelina Jolie on the set of Salt in New York (3/13)
Angelina Jolie's laying down the law with Brad Pitt, tell him his mom can't move into
the $60 million estate the couple is renting in Long Island. In Angelina's defense, the house is only 22,000 square feet. From the
National Enquirer:
The Changeling star put the kibosh on Jane Pitt moving in to help with their kids because she felt it was too close for comfort, an insider told The Enquirer. The A-list couple have an agreement that while one of them works, the other looks after their six children, and Angelina - who's filming the spy thriller Salt - was incensed when Brad turned to his mom for help, said the source.
"Angelina feels Brad should be able to handle the kids on his own, and she saw his request for help as a cop-out," said the insider. "She cared for the kids while Brad made his last film in Germany, so she feels it's his turn, and she told him to tell his mother they didn't need her help. What Angie says goes." (Source)
Guys, this is exactly why you don't hook up with a chick that collects kids faster than you collect notches on your bedpost (basically a richer version of the OctoMom). Sooner or later they're going to want
welfare you to take care of their six children all by yourself. Of course, since Brad can afford to rent a $60 million estate, it's safe to assume he could have just avoided this whole situation by hiring a nanny . . . or pulling out.
Angelina Jolie on the set of her new movie Salt in Washington D.C. (3/5)
+ Zac Efron got a huge box of condoms for Christmas from his mom [
Just Jared]
+
Jennifer Love Hewitt is pregnant . . . sorta [Drunken Stepfather]
+
Milla Jovovich Topless and Sexy in Interview Magazine [Egotastic!]
+ Malin Ackerman is topless [
Popholic]
+ Julie Ferrier nip slip (
NSFW) [
TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Janelle Priego is your afternoon pick-me-up [
F-Listed]
+ A tribute to hot girls in pigtails [
Holy Taco]
+ Diddy might be on drugs [
Bossip]
+ Dancing with the Stars claims its second victim [
Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie at last night's Oscars
Though she wasn't up for any awards, Jennifer Aniston might have been the most nervous woman in Kodak Theatre last night. She came within 20 feet of the woman that stole her husband. The blow by blow courtesy of
Us Weekly:
Along with Jolie's Kung Fu Panda costar Jack Black, the Valentino-clad Aniston (who skipped the red carpet at Sunday's show) presented Best Animated Feature.
When Black made a joke about how all Pixar films win Oscars, Aniston said, "I apologize Mr. Katzenberg [Jeffrey Katzenberg is the co-founder of Dreamworks], I don't know why we let him out of the house."
The camera then panned to Jolie, who laughed.
When Aniston announced the nominees, she moved to the center of the stage, right in front of Jolie and Pitt. When the lights were down, Aniston smiled directly at Pitt, but not at Jolie.
Aniston then presented Best Short Film; both Pitt and Jolie kept huge smiles on their faces the entire time.
As Aniston walked off stage, Jolie and Pitt both clapped. (Source)
Really? Do we really need a breakdown of the exact movements and facial expressions each woman made? Seems a bit anal to me. Speaking of violent anal, am I the only one here who had a super sexy dream last night about Vanessa Hudgens?
