Andy Dick

Andy Dick is doing great

I'm shocked Andy Dick is even still alive considering every story that comes out about him seems to be along the lines of this one from the New York Post:

Tuesday night, the troubled former “Celebrity Rehab” star was spotted leaving the Sunset Strip’s Rainbow Bar & Grill after getting into an argument with another bar patron. The funnyman then headed across the street to Rock & Reilly’s, where tourists bought him rounds of shots at the bar.

But a spy tells us, “After some liquid courage, Andy made his way over to a female bar patron, but you could notice his mood suddenly change after an exchange, and soon he was seen sobbing into her arms.”

Dick managed to pull himself together and carried on the night, closing down the bar, and was spotted later hitchhiking by himself on Sunset Boulevard.

I think I have the solution for the Andy Dick dilemma: a severe ass-whipping. I don't mean broken bones or any permanent damage, just a beating stiff enough to cause a mild concussion. What else is left? His act is beyond tired, and at some point you get better or have a conclusion to the endless horseshit. Can we all agree that Andy's been on a death spiral for the last 10 years, but he forgot the "death" part? I can tell you that a 5-minute beat-down is worth 20 years of therapy. Any friend of his needs to get in there and put boots to ass. Don't just do it for Andy, do it for the millions of people who just don't give a shit.

*21 Andy Dick pictures total in the gallery:

Andy Dick is a mess

Thanks to Chad of 88 Miles West for these pics. In an email, he said:

I am a journalist from Texas. My photog & I went to the AEE & AVN a week or so back in Vegas. Shot the red carpet of the AVN Awards @ the Palms. Andy Dick was kicked off & we were there to take pics. Notice the stain in the crotch. We can only speculate what it is....Once kicked off, he ran around shooting everyone the finger including taxi cabs. Andy was a mess...took off running by himself down the street...complete mess.

Considering the fact that he was surrounded by so many porn stars, can you really blame Andy for getting excited and accidentally wetting his pants? With that much silicone, peroxide, and collagen in one place, no guy could last more than two or three minutes. Of course, in Andy's case, it probably wasn't the female stars that turned him on -- it was the free anal beads and big black dildos they were passing out.

*4 Andy Dick piss drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Andy Dick is drunk. Again.

Andy Dick got shitfaced again, this time while at Bar Marmont on Sunday night/Monday morning. With how much alcohol this dude has consumed in his life, how is he even still alive? He gets embarrassingly drunk, night after night after night. Sometimes he even pisses himself. If he's not careful, MTV's going to sign him to be on Season 3 of Jersey Shore.

*22 Andy Dick drunk pictures total in the gallery:

Andy Dick is drunk

Actually, I want to apologize to Andy for that headline. I don't think he's drunk, I think it's just a really bad angle. I swear, the paparazzi are like a bunch of vultures. It's like they try to take pictures from the worst angle on purpose.

NOTE: Pics (via ONTD) were taken last week at a party at Freak City in L.A. Yes, he's peeing in this picture (semi-NSFW).

*7 photos total in the gallery:

Andy Dick in Hollywood (7/13)

Andy Dick needs to cool it with this behavior. I don't want people thinking he's some kind of pervert. His career in theater would be over.

*6 photos total in the gallery:

Andy Dick is a mess

In case you can't already tell from the picture, Andy Dick is in fact not doing great. He's a mess. Actually, that's an insult to messes. From the National Enquirer:

The latest stop on the Andy Dick train wreck was a play in Los Angeles, where the troubled comic drunkenly demanded to be let in without a ticket and then caused a ruckus by barging in anyway. After Andy, 44, stormed into a performance of "Yello" and the Coast Playhouse in Los Angeles on June 2, he loudly slurred: "Did it start yet?"

The boozing, belligerent "NewsRadio" star was then kicked out by the play's director Delo Shores, who told Andy: "Come back when you'resober." Said an eyewitness: "Andy kept yelling, 'I'm a celebrity! I don't buy tickets!'"

Andy's bender began earlier that evening at Hamburger Mary's, a popular West Hollywood bar. The troubled actor grabbed a female patron and french-kissed her, begged other customers to pick up his tab after his credit card was declined (no takers!), then stumbled out and urinated on the sidewalk. (Print Edition - 6/21)

Wow, if Andy Dick was any more of a disaster he'd have to change his name to Lindsay Lohan British Petroleum. Besides, declaring to everyone that you think you're better than they are just because you've been on TV is disgusting, gauche, and a schtick that's already been claimed by Gwyneth Paltrow.

*18 pics total in the gallery:

Andy Dick arrested for felony sexual assault

Andy Dick was arrested Saturday morning in West Virginia for, well, being Andy Dick. From the Huntington Herald Dispatch:

HUNTINGTON -- Andy Dick, in town for weekend performances at the Funny Bone, was arrested around 4 a.m. Saturday by Huntington Police on sexual abuse charges.

Dick was taken into custody around 4 a.m. after two men accused Dick of groping them at Rum Runners, at 819 3rd Ave. According to a press release issued at 12:26 p.m. Saturday from the Huntington Police Department, officers responded to a call to investigate “two alleged incidents of a patron engaging in non-consensual sexual contact with a bar employee and another patron.”

“Based upon statements of two victims and independent witness accounts alleging that he had engaged in unwanted and uninvited groping of the two victims' genital areas, Andrew R. Dick (AKA Andy Dick) of South Pasadena, Calif., was arrested and charged with two counts of Sex Abuse in the First Degree,” the press release stated.

A preliminary hearing is scheduled for 10:30 a.m. Tuesday, Feb. 2. If convicted, Dick faces one to five years in prison.

Wait a minute, all he did was grope two dudes? He didn't expose his own genitals, climb up on the bar and masturbate, or try to fuck the Golden Tee machine in the corner? Wow, Andy Dick is really maturing in his old age . . .

Andy Dick hiking in the Hollywood Hills (10/25)

Oh hey look, Andy Dick dressed up as an alcoholic bisexual pervert felon drug-addict loser for Halloween. Wow, he really nailed it.

Andy Dick at the premiere of Funny People at the Cinerama Dome in Hollywood (7/20)

Bad: You're forced to wear a court-ordered ankle monitor to prove that you're not drinking alcohol.

Worse: You're proud of it.

Much, Much Worse: You're Andy Dick's liver.