Archive: Andy Dick

Andy Dick arrested

Andy Dick was arrested in Murrieta, California, earlier this morning on suspicion of drug possession and misdemeanor sexual battery. He allegedly pulled a 17-year-old girl’s top down and groped her breasts. When cops searched him, they found weed and xanax in his pocket. The Riverside Press-Enterprise says:

Dick, 42, was arrested shortly before 2 a.m. in the parking lot near the Buffalo Wild Wings at 40484 Murrieta Hot Springs Road.

He was being held this morning at the Southwest Detention Center with a bail amount set at $5,000. (Source)

In Dick’s defense, he did think the girl was 17-and-a-half, so, ya’ know, it’s not entirely his fault.

UPDATE: TMZ scored some pics of Dick inside the Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant shortly before his arrest. Apparently Dick was so drunk and obnoxious that his friend bailed on him, leaving him alone at the restaurant

[ONTD]

Andy Dick at a Columbus, Ohio nightclub in 2007

Andy Dick was his typical fun self over the weekend at L.A.’s STK nightclub. A spy told the New York Daily News:

“[Dick] knocked girls over in the stairwell before ripping a girl’s earring out by accident while groping her. He was kissing girls’ hands, telling them they were hot and gorgeous, but then throwing their purses across the room.” (Source)

If a ripped out earring is the worst thing that happens after an encounter with Andy Dick, consider yourself lucky. One time I sat next to Andy at a restaurant. The next day the doctor told me I only had herpes. I threw a party that weekend to celebrate.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

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Andy Dick was kicked out of the LG House in Malibu over the weekend for acting like an all-around asshole. The New York Daily News reports:

The LG House in Malibu played host to a has-been bash for VH1 Celebreality stars — and Andy Dick was the life of the party. “Andy came over to give Scott Baio a kiss on the lips,” said an eyewitness. Baio’s girlfriend, Renee, was visibly upset and told the comic to “stop kissing my man!” Later, a girl accused Dick of harassing her, prompting security to escort Dick out as Amy Winehouse ’s “Rehab” played in the background. Maybe Andy should take the hint? (Source)

I heard Andy Dick’s mouth is so dangerous that President Bush wanted to replace North Korea with it on the Axis of Evil. Can you imagine how many rusty trombones this guy must have given . . . this week! I’d sooner lick the inside of my toilet bowl (and I have an overactive colon) then let that walking petri dish plant one on me. I guess what I’m saying is Scott Baio’s girlfriend better wear a bio suit the next time they hook up.

Bauer-Griffin

Andy Dick got absolutely hammered at the Axis Nightclub in Columbus, Ohio, over the weekend. I’m not sure what those wet spots are on his shirt but a fair guess would a little of his 17th, 18th, and 19th drinks. According to clubgoers, Andy was so drunk that he didn’t blow a random stranger behind the dumpster at the end of the night. I know, I didn’t believe it when I first heard it either.

Andy Dick was photographed snorting cocaine in front of “stunned patrons” at Manhattan’s Snitch club early last week. According to an eyewitnes:

“Andy Dick was a complete mess. He was so out of it that most of the cocaine ended up around his nose rather than in his nose.” After snorting the drug, “He began banging around the place, making a nuisance of himself. Some of the other people on the dance floor were getting pretty worried.” (Source)

If I hadn’t posted that Kate Moss picture earlier, this would definitely rank as the least surprising story of the week. The day Andy Dick stops openly snorting cocaine is the day we should all be worried. Because that, my friends, is when the terrorists have officially won. Seriously, I just checked the rulebook. It’s called the “Andy Dick Clause.” President Bush should have never signed that thing. Fuck, can that guy do anything right?

Andy Dick assaulted two employees at New York City’s Snitch nightclub late last week. According to a “spy” at the club:

“[Dick] grabbed a waitress’ breasts and dug his nails into her neck. Then he poked her in the ear really hard.” After that, our witness said, Dick “stuck his hand down the doorman’s pants.” Before the grope-fest, Dick partied at Cutting Room on West 24th Street, where he “lit his receipt on fire.” (Source)

“He poked her in the ear really hard”: How many times have I heard/seen/participated in that line before? My leather-bound copy of the Kama Sutra (that Brazilian supermodel I was using last summer gave it to me) says the ear is the most erogenous part of the body … which is why I like to make love to it any chance I get! My favorite line during ear coitus: “Can you hear me now? You still can? OK, give me another second.”

Andy Dick went off on the paparazzi Saturday night outside of Area nightclub, calling one guy a c*cksucking nigg*r. Dick’s no stranger to offending black people with the N-bomb, having dropped the slur during one of his shows in December. After realizing his racist outburst was caught on film, Dick muttered*:

“Whoops, as soon as I drop the n-bomb, it’s on the Internet … they shouldn’t call it YouTube, they should call it N-bomb tube.” (Source)

I don’t think “whoops” is an appropriate response here. Accidentally setting the washing machine for cold water when you meant to set if for warm? Sure. Go ahead and let out a “whoops.” Setting a record for least amount of time taken to offend both gays and blacks? I don’t think so.

*Another great porn name btw (”… starring the venerable Dick Muttered”)

Check out this clip of Andy Dick on last week’s Jimmy Kimmel Show. You have to admit this guy has a vagina of steel. Donald Trump’s daughter would be just about the last chick I’d ever fuck with. Don’t be surprised if Andy Dick’s lifeless corpse is discovered face down in the Hudson River later this week.