Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse arrested yet again

Amy Winehouse was arrested today over an incident that occurred last Saturday night in which she allegedly attacked a theatre manager. The reason for the attack? Um, he was standing there? I don't know. Why do crackheads do what they do? From the Daily Mail:

The troubled star is said to have launched a physical attack on a member of staff during a performance of Cinderella at the Milton Keynes Theatre theatre. At the performance the singer was said to have shocked children and parents by shouting 'He's fucking behind you' and yelling out 'Fuck Cinders, Prince Charming, marry me".

Refusing to sit down, she also branded the Ugly Sisters 'bitches".

And later she allegedly launched herself at the front-of-house manager pulling his hair, punching him and kicking him between the legs.

Wait, did she scratch him? Because I think it'd be cool to say for Christmas, Amy Winehouse gave you hepatitis.

Looking good Amy

Amy Winehouse managed to squeeze one more bad decision into 2009 -- she's remarrying her crackhead ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil. From The Sun:

Amy Winehouse's ex-husband told The Sun last night: "We're back together - and we're engaged."

Blake Fielder-Civil said he and the Back To Black singer, who were divorced in September, never stopped loving each other and got engaged again last month.

He added: "Amy and I have talked about getting married again and starting a family. We both definitely want kids. This time we're doing things properly and hopefully that will help both our families come round to the idea. We've both been through a lot but we love each other the same as ever. We've tried to get on with our lives and to see other people, but it wasn't the same."There's no one like Amy. She will always be the love of my life."

"We're free of drugs and we're more responsible now. Coming off heroin was hell. I've been through a year of intensive rehab, I'm 100 per cent clean and I plan to stay clean. I'm not going to let anyone down. Amy said, 'You inspire me'. She's proud of me for staying off drugs, and she's determined to do the same."

Oh. My. God. Can you imagine how fucked up Amy and Blake's kids would be? They'd be addicted to Ritalin and Flintstones Vitamins before they reached preschool. Good thing there's no chance in hell Blake could impregnate Amy. Once a man's ingested several pounds of heroin each day for more than a decade, his sperm becomes about as active as Michael Moore in a 24 Hour Fitness.

Amy Winehouse out and about in London (10/29)

Honestly, the only thing worse than this next story was the Holocaust. If you have a weak stomach, you can just go ahead and not read it. From the Mirror.

Mitch Winehouse has rubbished claims that his daughter Amy went to hospital the other day for a cold - revealing it was due to her new boobs going pop.

Telegraphing the news on his Living TV show, Mitch said: "It wasn't because she had a cold. She's fine, she just had a little (pointing to his chest) leaky something or other."

A friend of Amy's adds: "She saw something oozing out on to her top. She was worried as they looked wonky and to see stuff seeping out was horrible."

*concentrates hard* Unicorns, Kittens, Flowers, Bunnies, Rainbows, Babies, Puppies . . . I'm never gonna get the image of puss oozing out of Amy Winehouse's tits out of my head . . . Unicorns, Kittens, Flowers, Bunnies, Rainbows, Babies, Puppies . . . Ah, fuck it. *sets self on fire*

Amy Winehouse out and about in London (11/5)

Amy Winehouse has a new addiction: plastic surgery. Which is way safer than crack . . . wait a minute, that guy that operated on Kanye's mom lost his license, right? OK, good. From The Sun:

Friends and family of Amy Winehouse are trying to talk her out of more plastic surgery - after she set her heart on having a nose job. The Rehab singer, 26, went under the knife last month to have her bust boosted from a 32B to a 32D. Now she says the tip of her nose is "witch like" and wants it fixed.

A source said: "Since her boobs, she's been scrutinizing her body. Everyone tells her there's nothing wrong with her nose. But Amy does nothing by halves. Now she's beaten drugs, plastic surgery must not become her next obsession."

Amy's right. There is a part of her body between her ears that needs to be fixed -- but it's not her nose. Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised that a woman with such an addictive personality became hooked on something. The bottom line is don't be surprised next month when Amy moves on to something even more addicting -- like World of Warcraft or Desperate Housewives.*

*Oh my god! Did you see what Gabby was wearing last week?! *squeels*

Amy Winehouse leaving The Hawley Arms Pub in London (11/10)

I don't know who the doctor was that gave Amy Winehouse breast implants, but it seems like he should have his license revoked. Or stabbed in the eye with a red hot poker and then drawn and quartered just to the point where he doesn't pass out and then stabbed in the other eye with a red hot poker. Definitely one of those two.

Amy Winehouse leaving Gaucho restaurant in London (10/26)

You didn't think that picture of Amy Winehouse from yesterday could get worse? You were wrong my friend. So so wrong. Hmmm, how best to describe these without you actually clicking on them . . . you know that awful feeling you get in your stomach the moment you realize you're about to be violently raped by a prison gang you thought you were cool with because you gave them the chocolate chip cookies your girlfriend brought you during her last visit but it turns out they never actually ate them because they're vegan and the chocolate chips had milk in them and vegans can't have milk and who the fuck has ever heard of a vegan prison gang? Well these pictures aren't anything like that. I mean, dude, trust me, nothing is worse than an ol' fashioned prison gangraping. Nothing. Now that I think about it, maybe that wasn't the best example.

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics of Amy Winehouse's boobs, click the headline pic and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

Amy Winehouse leaving Fish Works restaurant in London (10/14)

You'll have to excuse the stains on Amy's shirt. Last night was the first time she used silverware at a nice restaurant instead of her hands. Forks and spoons can be pretty tricky if you're not used to them.

Amy Winehouse leaving a Harley Street Clinic in London (10/10)

This now brings her to a solid "1" in my opinion. From the Daily Mail:

She is said to have spent £35,000 on a procedure to give herself a more curvaceous figure. But if so, it appears that the effects of Amy Winehouse’s reported spell under the surgeon’s knife have fallen somewhat flat.

The star is said to have undergone a breast enhancement last week at a top Harley Street clinic in preparation for her appearance last night on BBC show Strictly Come Dancing. However, there appeared to be no noticeable difference to her chest when the soul singer was spotted leaving the clinic yesterday morning.

The North London star apparently checked into the clinic, famed for performing cosmetic procedures, at the beginning of last week before allegedly having the operation on Wednesday.

I don't see what the big deal is about this. So Amy wanted bigger tits? That's her choice . . . totally kidding of course. The real reason she had the procedure done is clear: Vicodin! Next week she's actually getting her wisdom teeth pulled . . . for the fifth time.

NOTE: If Amy really wants a "more curvaceous figure" she doesn't need a boob job, she needs to eat.

NOTE II: It isn't Amy's chest that needs fixing -- its her teeth.

NOTE III: The real problem with Amy spending thousands to improve her appearance is that it sends the wrong message to her young fans means she'll have less cash for meth.

NOTE IV: Seriously, I could go on all day with these.

Amy Winehouse's Nasty Yellow Teeth

Amy Winehouse has gross teeth

Amy Winehouse leaving PizzaExpress Jazz Club in London (9/17)

Amy Winehouse spit on a little girl on Monday. I'll just let the impact of that sentence sink in for a minute of two . . . Ready? OK. From RadarOnline:

The children at North London's Southgate school in Barnet Monday got a celebrity visitor: an infuriated Amy Winehouse, who was on the warpath, headed toward a girl she believed to be the bully of her 13-year-old goddaughter, Dionne Bromfield.

Winehouse, 26, showed she can put a middle school bully in her place, spitting on and insulting her goddaughter's supposed torturer. A bystander eventually broke up the incident, at which point Amy signed a few autographs and took off.

Aw gross. Can you think of anything more disgusting than women voting? . . . uh, oops, Freudian slip. Wait, what were we talking about again?