Amber Heard

Amber Heard

Amber Heard walking her dog in L.A. (4/20)

*25 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard at the Rolling Stones surprise Concert at the Echoplex in L.A. (4/27)

There was a rumor last year that Johnny Depp was hooking up with Amber Heard (who came out of the closet in 2010 and was dating French model Marie de Villepin as late as this January), but no one ever managed to snap any pictures of the two (other than on the red carpet promoting Rum Diary), so I wrote it off. Until Saturday, that is, when the two were spotted holding hands at the Rolling Stone's surprise concert in L.A. So then it's confirmed: Johnny Depp's penis is so powerful that it turns gay women straight. Run for your fucking lives.

*10 Johnny Depp and Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Did Amber Heard switch teams again?

According to Flynet, that's Amber Heard and a "mystery dude" on a "breakfast date" in West Hollywood over the weekend. Of course, "Amber Heard" is the same "Amber Heard" who came out of the closet two years ago. So, did she switch teams again? Is she straight now? Is that her boyfriend? What's his name? When did they meet? What's the deal? I don't know. Maybe. No. Frank. I don't know. She just really likes pancakes.

*15 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Amber Heard

Amber Heard leaving Urth Caffe in West Hollywood (10/25)

*17 pictures total in the gallery:

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard at the premiere of The Rum Diary in London last November

I don't know why I never heard about this before, but apparently Johnny Depp nailed Amber Heard when the two were making The Rum Diary last year. And he still might be. From the Chicago Sun Times:

There were indications that a fling between Depp and his “The Rum Diary” co-star Amber Heard may have led [Depp's ex Vanessa Paradis] to pull the plug [on their relationship], but that was denied by them, even as “Diary” insiders claim it was true.Making it all even more complicated: Heard recently admitted she is bisexual and is involved with artist and photographer Tasya van Ree.

Yet, there also have been recent sightings of Heard and Depp — though the privacy-obsessed Depp has been able to avoid being photographed with Heard, at least so far.

So what if Johnny Depp is shooting his A-list goo into Amber Heard? It's Johnny Fucking Depp, dipshits! Anybody that can take a clusterfuck of a franchise like Pirates of the Caribbean and make it work as well as it did can do no wrong in my eyes. He took a script written on the bathroom wall in shit and turned it into a billion dollar franchise -- sort of like what Jesus did, except way more badass. If Johnny needs to excavate Amber's indecisive poontang, then by God, have at it.

*25 Johnny Depp and Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Amber Heard

Amber Heard shopping in West Hollywood (5/15)

*15 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Amber Heard at a dog park in L.A. (2/8)

Famous attractive lesbian Amber Heard visited a dog park in L.A. yesterday, and just to reinforce to straight men everywhere what they'll never get a piece of, she bent over like that. Fine, you may have won this battle Amber, but the WAR is just beginning!

*34 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, January 21 and Sunday, January 22

Amber Heard leaving the UPS Store in L.A. (pics start here)

Dita Von Teese leaving a nail salon in Hollywood (pics start here)

Reggie Bush driving his Plymouth Barracuda in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jack Osbourne and his fiance Lisa Stelly leaving Jersey Mike's Sub Shop in Hollywood (pics start here)

Hilary Duff leaving a pilates class in Toluca Lake (pics start here)

William Baldwin on the set of Gossip Girl in New York (pics start here)

Kristen Bell arriving at the Casa Del Mar Hotel in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Jenna Dewan at a nail salon in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Kim Kardashian arriving at the Chanel boutique in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Dakota Fanning arriving at LAX airport for a flight (pics start here)

Amanda Seyfried filming Lovelace in L.A. (pics start here)

Whitney Port arriving at LAX airport for a flight (pics start here)

Laura Prepon out and about at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah (pics start here)

*124 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Amber Heard

Amber Heard at The Trevor Project's "Trevor Live! 2011" at The Hollywood Palladium (12/4)

*20 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:

Amber Heard

Amber Heard at ELLE's 18th Annual "Women in Hollywood Tribute" at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills (10/17)

*15 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery: