Amber Heard at the 71st Annual Golden Globes in L.A.
Since news broke
about their engagement, people have naturally been wondering how Amber Heard finally convinced Johnny Depp to propose. His last girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, went 14 years without getting a ring. It look Amber a little over a year. Turns out Johnny just needed a little direction in his life. Via Contact Music
A source who knows them both said: "Amber has called the shots since day one, dictating when they went public, for example. She's half his age and that's part of why he'll do whatever she wants in order to keep her."
Another source added: "He has definitely toned down his behavior since he started dating Amber. He acts like a mature and charming man now."
Come on, people, work with me. Amber isn't running anything, she only thinks she is because Gilbert Grape lets her get away with her hot uppitiness for now. Mr. Depp was always gonna survive the Lone Ranger
debacle just by his star power alone, so I'm pretty sure he can take an order or two -- as long as it's followed by a toe-curling mouth favor. Look, at 27-years-old, Amber is in the second half of her prime but unless she figures out how to stop time like Kate Beckinsale
, she's about three seasons away from getting exchanged for Selena Gomez.
*25 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:
Amber Heard filming London Fields in Notting Hill, London
Did Johnny Depp propose to Amber Heard? The two haven't even made their relationship "official" yet (I demand you seek my approval!), but Amber was spotted trying to hide a huge diamond ring earlier this week in L.A. Maybe she was trying to steal it? From E!
Despite a good effort to keep her left hand covered, an eagle-eyed paparazzo got a bird's-eye view of what appeared to be a diamond ring on that ringer as Heard was leaving a restaurant last night in Los Angeles.
A source tells E! News, meanwhile, that Heard and another woman hit L.A. restaurant Ago for dinner last night and it was when she was first heading in that the intrepid photographer noticed her hand. Heard was inside for about an hour and a half and, on her way out, she was doing everything to hide her hand, the source said. The actress also waited for the valet driver to open her car door for her, seemingly so as not to have to expose her hand for an extra second.
So did Johnny propose to Amber? Maybe he did, maybe he didn't -- it doesn't matter because it's all just part of the dance. Here's a little info for my younger readers that will help you be major successes in life or just total douchebags in general, depending on your point of view: Sometimes men exaggerate feelings, like our dear Captain Jack Sparrow over here. Johnny really enjoys plowing Amber, but at 27-years-old, the gal is three years away from being put out to the Hollywood pasture (which for actors is a long run on the SyFy channel). Johnny will string Amber along for another year with that meaningless bobble, and by then his future girlfriend will be finished with high school and will be totally legal -- as commanded from the bible of Clooney, amen.
*20 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:
Paparazzi photos from Thursday, December 19
out and about in SoHo, New York (pics start here
leaving Barneys New York in Beverly Hills (pics start here
and Casper Smart
leaving Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here
leaving Matsuhisa restaurant in Beverly Hills (pics start here
out for breakfast in L.A. (pics start here
out for lunch in West Hollywood (pics start here
leaving Toys 'R' Us in L.A. (pics start here
leaving a friend's house in Studio City (pics start here
shopping in Beverly Hills (pics start here
arriving on a flight at Miami International Airport (pics start here
leaving Barney's New York in Beverly Hills (pics start
at a charity dinner in Paris (pics start here
*103 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:
Amber Heard at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's 2013 Installation Luncheon at The Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills
First comes love, then $50k earrings, and then anal. Two for three so far -- Johnny Depp is playing it by the book with Amber Heard. From Life & Style
Johnny Depp, 50, knows the way to 27-year-old Amber Heard's heart: diamonds! The movie star "recently surprised her with $50,000 Neil Lane diamond drop earrings," shares an insider.
Wow, when Johnny sinks the hooks in, he doesn't stop 'till he hits bone. Case in point is this Amber Heard chick. Big J didn't even need to shell out $50K for earrings or nipple clamps or any piece of jewelry, because Amber switched teams
from being a part-time muncher
to being a full-time DNA receptacle for him
. That's a big life change, brother. It's like putting a vegan on the Atkins diet. You don't just go from eating kale and Trader Joe's seaweed wraps to swallowing raw kielbasa overnight -- unless it's the delicious one that comes out of Johnny Depp's zipper. OK, let me toss a "no homo" in there just to get it on record. *20 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard leaving their hotel in Moscow
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are gradually going more public with their relationship. After a few pics were snapped of them
at the Rolling Stones surprise concert in L.A. in April, they exited their hotel in Moscow over the weekend holding hands in full view of the paparazzi. Busted
. If Johnny's not too careful, he's gonna get a reputation for liking extremely attractive, independent, worldly, well-spoken, intelligent 27-year-old women.*17 Amber Heard and Johnny Depp pictures total in the gallery:
Amber Heard walking her dog in L.A. (4/20)*25 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard at the Rolling Stones surprise Concert at the Echoplex in L.A.
There was a rumor last year that Johnny Depp was hooking up
with Amber Heard (who came out of the closet in 2010
and was dating French model Marie de Villepin as late as this January
), but no one ever managed to snap any pictures of the two (other than on the red carpet
promoting Rum Diary
), so I wrote it off. Until Saturday, that is, when the two were spotted holding hands at the Rolling Stone's surprise concert in L.A. So then it's confirmed: Johnny Depp's penis is so powerful that it turns gay women straight. Run for your fucking lives.*10 Johnny Depp and Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:
Did Amber Heard switch teams again?
According to Flynet
, that's Amber Heard and a "mystery dude" on a "breakfast date" in West Hollywood over the weekend. Of course, "Amber Heard" is the same "Amber Heard" who came out of the closet
two years ago. So, did she switch teams again? Is she straight now? Is that her boyfriend? What's his name? When did they meet? What's the deal? I don't know. Maybe. No. Frank. I don't know. She just really likes pancakes.*15 Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery:
Amber Heard leaving Urth Caffe in West Hollywood (10/25)*17 pictures total in the gallery:
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard at the premiere of The Rum Diary in London last November
I don't know why I never heard about this before, but apparently Johnny Depp nailed Amber Heard when the two were making The Rum Diary
last year. And he still might be. From the Chicago Sun Times
There were indications that a fling between Depp and his “The Rum Diary” co-star Amber Heard may have led [Depp's ex Vanessa Paradis] to pull the plug [on their relationship], but that was denied by them, even as “Diary” insiders claim it was true.Making it all even more complicated: Heard recently admitted she is bisexual and is involved with artist and photographer Tasya van Ree.
Yet, there also have been recent sightings of Heard and Depp — though the privacy-obsessed Depp has been able to avoid being photographed with Heard, at least so far.
So what if Johnny Depp is shooting his A-list goo into Amber Heard? It's Johnny Fucking Depp, dipshits! Anybody that can take a clusterfuck of a franchise like Pirates of the Caribbean
and make it work as well as it did can do no wrong in my eyes. He took a script written on the bathroom wall in shit and turned it into a
billion dollar franchise -- sort of like what Jesus did, except way more
badass. If Johnny needs to excavate Amber's indecisive poontang, then by God, have at it.*25 Johnny Depp and Amber Heard pictures total in the gallery: