Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes at a gym in New York last week

Amanda Bynes may be on to something here. You burn way more calories on the elliptical when you wave your arms around like a crazy fucking lunatic.

Amanda Bynes goes topless

After tweeting pics of herself in a bra earlier in the week, Amanda Bynes followed up by going topless last night. Wow, she's gone from cleavage pics, to bra pics, to topless pics. There's only one way this is heading: "Here's the Results of My Latest Pap Smear Friday." Be sure to check her twitter tomorrow.

*6 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes in a bra

Amanda Bynes has reached the exhibitionist stage of her descent into insanity -- she tweeted a few pics of her big ol' fake boobies in a bra last night. And I must say, this is the first thing she's done in two years that has been TOTALLY AWESOME. Playboy Presents: Girls of Mental Hospitals. Make it happen, Hugh.

*5 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes out and about in New York (4/18)

Amanda Bynes officially has control of all the money she made while acting. Oy vey, this will not end well. A source told Radar:

"While Amanda was growing up her parents and lawyers controlled all of her money, they put it away in investments so that she would be able to have it when she got older," a source close to the troubled star told RadarOnline.com. "Amanda made a lot of money starting with Nickelodeon and then other TV shows and movies, but she lived like a regular girl when she was young. However, a few months ago she demanded that she have complete access to all of the money so she could spend it, not save it anymore."

"Amanda knows she has a lot of money. Before she wasn't restricted from getting to it, but a lot of it was tied up in investments and banked for her future, but she insisted that she be able to use all of it as she sees fit and there is nothing anyone can do to stop her from spending it all."

I don't see what the big deal is about Amanda having access to all the money her parents put aside for her. I have it on good authority that she has her eyes on acquiring a certain blue chip stock that could see returns of 20%+ in the coming months. That or she's gonna buy millions worth of precious gemstones and glue them to her purse because she's a fucking lunatic. Definitely one of those two things is gonna happen.

*15 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes in New York (4/8)

Because why the hell not, Amanda Bynes walked around Manhattan yesterday smoking a joint. Oh great, with her open drug use and pierced cheeks, now she's never gonna get a cush job at J.P. Morgan!

*10 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes kicked out of Adult Gymnastics class

Honestly, who among us has never broken down in the middle of a gymnastics class after a wig has fallen off of our head? "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" (John 8:7). The New York Post has more on Amanda Bynes getting kicked out of the Adult Gymnastics class at Chelsea Piers last week:

"[Amanda] immediately started acting strangely," our source said. "She lined up with the other gymnasts, and each took their turn to perform a roll. But Amanda just walked out on the mat, was spinning around in circles and mumbling to herself."

Later, when the others were performing cartwheels, Amanda "did a cartwheel, but her wig fell off, and she sat down and cried." The source added that after a number of other incidents where she was heard mumbling to herself or walking in front of others performing exercises, she was asked to leave.

The source said, "She went two weeks in a row, but the second time, she was escorted out. Staff were concerned about her manner and worried she might be a hazard to other people in the class."

Geez, I want to make fun of Amanda, but I'm worried that the next cheap shot I deliver will be the last Amanda will hear while living -- and it will be what Entertainment Tonight uses to bury my fine website. This era of anti-bullying is making me sick, to be honest. There was a time where I could talk about the erection I'd achieve watching a former child star melt down -- it was like free Viagra. Now, I have to pretend to be concerned because some people just can't take the internet equivalent of a wedgie. Running a celebrity blog has gotten riskier than banging Paris Hilton without protection . . . and by "protection" I'm talking about a full tactical riot control suit. Condoms stopped working about 10 years ago with her.

*10 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes out and about in New York (3/4)

To the residents of Manhattan: If you see a homeless woman wandering the streets, mumbling incoherently to herself, and rummaging through the trash for old banana peels, that's actually not a homeless woman at all. It's Amanda Bynes. But she'll still gladly accept your change, so toss her a quarter.

*25 Amanda Bynes homeless chic pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes out and about New York (11/30)

At first I was going to make fun of crazy Amanda Bynes (in these pictures taken last Friday in New York), but then, BAM, titties. Touche, bitch. You've found my kryptonite. Go about your day.

*15 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes gets naked during tanning salon visit

An eyewitness tells In Touch that, during a recent visit, Amanda Bynes walked into the lobby of a tanning salon completely naked. Oh my gosh -- she is absolutely nuts . . . doesn't she know tanning salons can give you skin cancer? From the mag:

Amanda Bynes caused quite a scene during a recent visit to Beach Bum Tanning in NYC. An eyewitness tells In Touch that the troubled starlet shocked customers when she appeared in main salon area -- completely naked! After purchasing a Mystic spray-tan session, the 26-year-old was set up in a private room -- but it wasn't long before Amanda strode back out into the main salon area in search of goggles.

Only problem: She wasn't wearing any clothes! "She walked out of the room completely naked," the eyewitness tells In Touch. "She didn't seem to care that everyone saw her naked. She seemed totally out of it. She took her time walking back to the Mystic room, dragging her fingers along the wall and smiling at customers who passed her. There was definitely something wrong with her."

God, I love Amanda Bynes. Her free fall to Crazytown is gonna leave one hell of a crater; an amazing feat because unlike the phony attention whores, Amanda is legitimately losing it. Remember old ladies Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Those "leaked" porn tapes were professionally recorded and edited. Sure, Britney Spears had an epic meltdown, but I noticed that the gurney used to cart her to the rubber room was awfully comfortable -- fake. Hell, Lindsay may actually have Evian Spring Water in those water bottles she always seems to be carrying. How does Amanda top them? Like a boss, with full tits and bush in public, comrades. And according to my dad, there's nothing finer than ex-Nickleodeon gash (I would ask Justin Bieber but how the hell would he know?). Now if anyone at Beach Bums had the common sense and professional courtesy to take pictures of Amanda's snapper, please forward them to: celebslam@gmail.com. I can't pay you, but I will send you an autographed 8x10 of my self. And some would say that that's even better than cash.

*10 Amanda Bynes pictures total in the gallery:

Amanda Bynes shopping in New York (9/29)

Apparently Amanda Bynes' meltdown is not the fault of Amanda Bynes. It's all Lindsay Lohan's fault. OK yeah, sure, I can believe that. Lindsay's brand of crazy is a lot like an airborne disease. From the Hollywood Reporter:

Amanda Bynes was trying to make a change. In August 2008, the former teen star parted ways with her talent agency CAA and began making the rounds at several others that were vying to represent the actress. Coming off of the 2007 hit Hairspray and a handful of modestly successful teen comedies, Bynes was widely coveted by agencies that saw a lot of upside in the former Nickelodeon television star. But, according to a high-level agency source who was present at one of the meetings Bynes took with her father in tow, the then-22-year-old actress was deeply frustrated with her lot in Hollywood.

"Everybody had her as a goody-goody. She couldn't break out of that genre," this executive says. "Her frustration was, 'I could have played this role; I could have played that role. I'm not getting the Lindsay Lohan roles.' "

Well, this certainly makes Amanda's epic meltdown a bit more understandable. Amanda is obviously just trying to get into character for when the Hallmark Channel calls her in for a read on The Lindsay Lohan Story. Unfortunately, she's making a classic mistake by mimicking Lindsay's version of Courtney Love. It reminds me of how Jay Mohr's impression of Christopher Walken is so good that even Walken does the Jay Mohr version of himself -- just substitute Mohr and Walken with Amanda, LiLo, a dirty coke mirror, and a ridiculous amount of self-destructive behavior.

*15 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery: