Recently in Ali Lohan Category

Lindsay Lohan and her sister Ali leaving Kirna Zabete Boutique in New York (1/23)

Uh oh. Ali Lohan is moving in with her sister Lindsay. This can't possibly end well. Unless you drive one of those tour buses around Hollywood showing tourists where famous people overdosed. "And right over there is the house where little Ali Lohan collapsed after a 7 day binge . . ." From the National Enquirer:

...Lindsay leased a three-bedroom Spanish-style house for $10,000 a month on El Contento Drive. It's just a stone's throw from Sam's rental on Beachwood Drive ... the two have agreed that separate homes would be better for their relationship and also for Lindsay's well-being and career, said the source. Lindsay's younger sister, 15-year-old Ali, will be living with her while trying to achieve her showbiz dreams.

The source added: "Everyone's hoping the lifestyle change, along with the responsiblity of baby-sitting her sister, will re-energize Lindsay and help recharge her acting career." (Print Edition - 2/23)

Is moving in with Lindsay really the best idea for jumpstarting Ali's career? Teenagers can be so impressionable* and living with Lindsay might cause Ali to pick up some of her sister's bad habits -- like drinking, drug use, and fading into obscurity. Of course with Lindsay's career now in the toilet, we all know the real reason why she's taking on her sister as a housemate: rent money bait.

*and really hard to coerce into a van sometimes

Ali Lohan out and about in Malibu (1/15)

Ali Lohan's friend: "So what did you do over winter vacation?"

Ali: "Turned 40."

Ali Lohan is incredibly selfish

Ali Lohan skipped her Grandpa's funeral earlier this year because she was having a bad hair day. Umm, wow? From Crazy Days and Nights:

If you recall, about a month or so ago, I posted a little thing in here about how Lindsay Lohan skipped the funeral of her grandfather because she was in an argument with Michael Lohan . . . But, one person who was also not there was Ali Lohan. Not caught up in a huge squabble with her dad, one wonders what her excuse was for not showing up. Well according to Fox, the reason Ali didn't show up at the funeral was because she didn't have time to get her hair extensions done the day before and didn't want anyone to see what horrible hair she has. (Source)

Now to be fair, Ali truly has awful hair. Grandpa Lohan apparently knew this, because in his last will and testament he specifically stated that during his funeral someone should "Keep that baldheaded bitch Ali the hell away from my rotting carcass." He also referred to Lindsay once or twice, but it's been deemed inappropriate for this website.

Run Ali! Runnnnnnnnnnnn!!!

Ali Lohan wants to move in with Lindsay Lohan. I know, I know, poor Ali Lohan's liver. I give that little thing two years before it explodes. Mike Walker of the National Enquirer says:

After Lindsay Lohan's proud proclamation that she's finally got her life together, she's strongly lobbying Living Lohan star/stage mom Dina Lohan to let 14-year-old baby sister Ali move in with her and Samantha Ronson! Said a friend: "Lindsay really wants to bond and see more of Ali because she thinks that now, finally, she can be a positive influence."

Lindsay – who's been privately critical of Dina for pushing Ali into their widely panned reality series – told pals she believes she can show Ali what "Hollywood is really all about!" (Source)

Lindsay's right. If Ali does come to live with her, she can show her what Hollywood's all about: drugs, booze, and same-sex couples. The only thing in the entertainment industry Lindsay can't expose Ali to? Acting.

Ali Lohan got a boob job

In their latest issue, Us Weekly asks the question on the minds of many imprisoned pedophiles and child rapists: Is it finally acceptable to talk about a 14-year-old girl's breasts? The answer? A resounding 'yes':

Did 14-year-old singer Ali Lohan have a summer growth spurt? Us Weekly reports in its latest issue, on newsstands now, that the young star of Living Lohan flaunted what looked like overnight curves at a Jonas Brothers concert in East Hampton, NY on August 9. Just three months earlier, a flatter Lohan hit Fuse for a taping of The Sauce in NYC. (Source)

After being confronted by a paparazzo asking about her sister's breasts, Lindsay Lohan took to her MySpace page to address the rumors:

All i am trying to say is, is that, i was raised with a wonderful family surrounding me, of course we have our ups and downs, but all in all my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given. Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14 year old child to alter her body. (Source)

Ha ha ha, that's a good one Lindsay. You almost had me convinced that Dina's a responsible mother and not a leech that sacrificed both of her daughter's childhoods to the Hollywood machine, all in some misguided attempt to boost her own sense of self-importance. Did you know that when Ali was just 4, Dina taught her to stand with her head perfectly still so "Mommy has a place to put her margarita"? True story.

Dina Lohan gets drunk, kicked out of party

Dina Lohan got herself and daughter Ali kicked out of the afterparty for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premiere. Dina was asked to change tables and, according to witnesses, went "apeshit." Of course Dina claims she wasn't kicked out -- she voluntarily left the party because a studio staffer "raised his voice" at her. Oh no, not a raised voice! E! Online's Marc Malkin says:

Sources report that when Dina, Ali and a friend of Ali's arrived to the after-party, they sat down at a reserved table. A studio staffer politely asked her to change tables, but "Dina "went apes--t," a partygoer tells me. "It so wasn't cool."So not cool that "Dina was quietly removed" from the rooftop soiree, another source says. Dina, however, claims she decided to ditch the party because she says that the studio staffer started raising his voice.

"He made the girls uncomfortable," Dina wrote in an email to me this afternoon. "At that point, the girls wanted to leave."

But my party source insists, the studio folks "couldn't have been nicer . . . Dina was so awful." (Source)

With the example Dina's set for her, I'd be shocked if Ali doesn't set some kind of gangbang record by her 21st birthday. A torn open bag of dog food and a leaky faucet could do a better job of parenting than that drunk.

Ali Lohan in New York (3/27)

Lindsay Lohan's sister Ali is currently filming her first movie, Mostly Ghostly, in Los Angeles. The film is based on the book series, written by R.L. Stine, about an 11-year-old boy that befriends two ghosts. People says:

Ali's role shares similarities with her older sister's character in the 2004 film Mean Girls: She'll play "a popular high school senior" in the film, says a source. Ali, who has spent the past several weeks shooting her upcoming E! reality TV show with her mother Dina in New York City, Long Island and Las Vegas, is also recording a new album.

Ali told Teen Vogue in the April issue, "I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage." (Source)

The best way for Ali to become a "popular high school senior"? Do what her sister did: sleep with the football team. If Ali really wants to emulate her sister and "do what she does," she should probably get familiar with the terms "Bukkake" and "One at a Time, Please." Of course, sexually speaking, at 14, one would have to assume that Ali's probably a couple years behind where her sister was at the same age: getting bulk discounts on IUDs.

[INFDaily.com, Splash News]

Ali Lohan got her lips done

Lindsay Lohan's 14-year-old little sister Ali may have already had plastic surgery. Star magazine says:

Her upper lip is too large in proportion to her lower lip, and the borders of the lips are exaggerated," said the doctor. "[Her lips] appear a bit overdone, and in my opinion, it would be a very unusual procedure for a 14-year-old."

The doctor told Star that he thinks Ali may have had at least two syringes of filler injected into her lips. (Going rate per syringe? About $600.) However, he adds that the good news is that aside from post-op bruising and swelling, side effects are rare. (Source)

Giving a female Lohan plumper lips is like pouring gas on a fire -- especially considering she still has to navigate the oral sex minefield that is high school. This girl has no chance.

PICS: Ali Lohan at a screening of High School Confidential in New York (3/5)

The kiss of death

Lindsay Lohan's 14-year-old sister Ali *cringe* wants to be just like her when she's older. Ali told the April issue of Teen Vogue:

"I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you ... it's so cool when people look up to you. I've already been asked for my autograph and it's just a really good feeling to have." (Source)

If Ali really wants to grow up to be like her sister, she needs to - (1) start sleeping with as many high school basketball teams (including the coaching staff) as possible - (2) start doing mounds and mounds of coke. With the way the Hollywood club scene is today, it's more convenient than ever to develop a crippling addiction in your early teens - and (3) "Star" in four consecutive critically panned movies to ensure her future place in equine porn. Or she could skip all that and do what Lindsay did and pose nude for a magazine *crosses fingers*. I mean when she's 18. Of course I meant that.

PICS: Lindsay and Ali Lohan at the premiere of A Prairie Home Companion in New York (6/2006)

[Getty]

The Lohan family was rolling three deep at the Polaroid Beach House on Wednesday night. Dina's on the left, Lindsay the middle, and young Ali on the right. I feel for Ali, I really do. I fear Lindsay's set the alcoholic bar so high that Ali can't possibly top it unless she changes her name to Budweiser Lohan or moves into a liquor store. Of course I had the same fears about Dina and Lindsay and look how things turned out. Lindsay's like the fresh-off-the-assembly-line Ferrari to Dina's broken-down Chevy.

More of the Lohan family partying at the Polaroid beach house after the jump...