Holly Madison in Laguna Beach last September

Holly Madison tells baby blog The Bump that everyone should forget about that past life where she used to show her vagina for money and date an 83-year-old man  -- she's totally classy now . . . um, besides the tacky staged bikini photoshoots she's done while pregnant (above and here).

"Truthfully, being pregnant is changing me as a person. Each day is part of this amazing journey that has completely shifted the focus of my life and made me reevaluate my personal and professional goals. I want my daughter to be proud of me and look up to me. I think early on in my pregnancy I realized that to be the mom I want to be, I had to change my life, and that's what I'm doing.

"I want to work on projects that I feel passionate about and do things that are fun and challenging. I would love to do a live musical. I'm not interested in doing the same thing over and over or the fame and exposure that comes with it. When people keep doing that, they just end up doing the same dumb stuff again and again."

How can the thing growing inside Holly Madison feel anything but shame? Her career has been a resume full of rejected projects meant for Carmen Electra. Look, Google Images overflows with evidence of Holly's failures as a celebrity and human being, so some drastic changes need to be made to hide her shame:

Option 1. Pray for the internet-killing zombie apocalypse to get here (finally)

Option 2. Change name to Denise Richards because no one has a lower number of Google searches than she does these days

Option 3. Lay low for about a month then go back to being Hollin Sue Cullen from Astoria, Oregon; she'll be in obscurity faster than you can say "Bridget Marquardt."

*20 Holly Madison pictures total in the gallery:

[Pacific Coast News]