Suri Cruise is going to have a very merry Christmas

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise in New York (11/12)

Separated parents trying to buy a child’s love. There’s nothing more special around the holidays. From The Sun:

Her mum Katie Holmes has spent more than $48,000 on presents for the youngster, who this year watched Katie and her dad Tom Cruise go through a messy break-up. Suri’s biggest present is a Victorian playhouse costing almost $24,000. The small building, which will be set up in the family garden, includes running water and electricity. It’s a step up from a homemade treehouse, but probably not as fun. Suri’s pressie haul also includes an iPad mini, a $9,600 kids’ version of a Mercedes, a Ralph Lauren dress and a Chloe fur coat.

Suffering shitballs on a saltine cracker, can I get on Katie’s secret Santa list next year if the Scientology goons don’t rub her out? That money sure goes a long way when it’s Lord Tom Cruise who earns it, doesn’t it? Hell, forget about Suri, you can buy my love for a lot less than $48k. $35k and a handjob every now and again is more than enough to get an “I love you, mommy” out of me this Christmas.


December 19, 2012 - 6:30 am