Miranda Kerr at the Victoria Secret Fashion Show in New York (11/7)

Orlando Bloom's mom Sonia is denying rumors that her son has split with wife Miranda Kerr. It's true. The spy cameras she installed in their bedroom told her so. From the Daily Mail:

Asked about the break-up rumours, Sonia Copeland-Bloom said: "Of course not, no. I don't know where this has come from but, my gosh, they are very happy."

Asked if they planned on spending Christmas together, she said: "Yes, absolutely, everything is fine - I'm sorry I really can't say any more to you."

And a source close to the couple backed up Orando's mother's heated denials. He told Mail Online: "All these rumours are utterly false.They're spending the holidays together with Orlando's family.  Both have been working on opposite sides of t he world, and it will be their first opportunity to spend some time together."

Aw geez, it's over. Sorry about that, Legolas, but you and I both know that your wife doesn't have the defenses to keep DiCaprio from invading her camel toe's borders. If you think of Miranda as Poland in 1939, then just imagine that Leo -- armed with his trusty custard gun -- is leading the blitzkrieg to penetrate her southern border while Orlando plays the cuckholded Neville Chamberlain who stares on in disbelief. Look, I know none of you were looking for a history lesson on this site, but some of you just got a little bit more worldly because of it. You're welcome.

*30 Miranda Kerr pictures total in the gallery:

[WENN]