Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudekis in Miami (8/19)

Things we learned about Olivia Wilde last night: 1. Her vagina died during her marriage to Tao Ruspoli, and 2. After the divorce, she was a total slut (Justin Timberlake, Bradley Cooper, and Salman Rushdie tapped that ass, just to name a few). From Vulture:

Last night at These Girls, a night of monologues hosted by Glamour magazine at Joe's Pub, Olivia Wilde told the audience, which included her boyfriend, Jason Sudeikis, about the end of her first marriage. "I felt like my vagina died," she said. "Turned off. Lights out ... And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina."

What followed her divorce was a man-eating sex bender that ultimately left her feeling so lonely she considered "a soft kind of lesbian relationship, just gentle kissing and scissoring." That is, until she met someone -- hi, Jason! --and fell "blissfully, hopefully, wildly in love." Wilde said she was happy in her new relationship, except for the nagging worry that the hot monogamy ("We have sex like Kenyan marathon runners") might not last.

Olivia Wilde is quite the lady -- is she royalty or something? Her comments are so elegant, she makes the Virgin Mary look like a Kardashian. Don't mistake my words for sarcasm -- I'm loving what the broad is saying, but my mom always told me to stay away from girls who refer to their pussies in the third person. But hey, what does she know? If I had listened to her, I'd be a shyster chiropractor instead of King of the Internet/international playboy/model fluffer.

*20 Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudekis pictures total in the gallery:

[FameFlynet]