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Lindsay Lohan says we all need to relax about Hurricane Sandy

Lindsay Lohan (who got a degree in Atmospheric and Oceanic Sciences from Princeton in 2007 . . . I think) says Hurricane Sandy (which destroyed The Bahamas, above; 9,000 flights across the U.S. canceled; commerce grinding to a halt on the East Coast; 67 confirmed deaths so far across the Caribbean) ain't no big thing and we should all stop being so negative! It's about time someone had the courage to say it!

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See? See what Lindsay did there? The Hurricane is called Sandy, but she called it Sally. Get it? The name Sally is not the same as the name Sandy, but it sounds similar. That is some creative shit right there. Just when you think Lindsay couldn't possibly say something any dumber, she pulls a rabbit out of the hat and shows why she's operating on an entirely different creativity level than the rest of us mouthbreathers. I wouldn't be surprised if she wins 20 Oscars over the next decade. Or at least fucks 20 different guys named Oscar. Definitely one of those two.