USA! USA! USA!

Olympian Ryan Lochte's mom is very naive -- she thinks he's "too busy" for girls. Yeah, right. Guarantee this guy's plowing through ass at the Olympic village like a riding mower. From Us Weekly:
At Procter and Gamble's Thank You Mom family home in London July 26, the swimmer's mother, Ileana Lochte, chatted with Us Weekly about why her sought-after son is still single. "He's too busy! He's so warmhearted that I don't think he'd want to have a relationship with somebody," she explained. "I don't think he wants to get into a relationship ... It just wouldn't be fair to the girl. He doesn't have the time."
Look friends, I can't be too vulgar in regards to Ryan because I have it on good authority that Mother Lochte reads this happy little site of ours (and who could blamer her?). Being a gold-medal winning Olympic swimmer and all, Ryan is a big deal in the sports world, but we have to remember something about gold medals: for every medal an athlete wins, his penis grows an inch. Remember the Phelps kid? Before Athens, Aquaman occasionally picked up a chick hanging out at the pool at the local YMCA. After the Sydney games, Supercock had his pick of supermodels. I can only guesstimate the insane amount of vaginal discharge that Ryan must be swimming through now. Probably not as high quality as what a master of the interwebs like yours truly sees, but not too far below my standards.

*5 Ryan Lochte pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ryan Lochte Girlfriend 1
  • Ryan Lochte Girlfriend 2
  • Ryan Lochte Girlfriend 3
  • Ryan Lochte Girlfriend 4
  • Ryan Lochte Girlfriend 5

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