Lindsay Lohan leaving the UCLA Medical Center after the accident on Friday

What, you thought this Lindsay Lohan accident was really just a simple fender bender? Hah, you ignorant fool! When we last left the scene on Friday, Lindsay had rear-ended an 18-wheeler on Pacific Coast Highway in Santa Monica. Witnesses claimed that Lindsay had said that the big evil truck cut her off (because nothing is ever her fault, of course). Now the latest excuse is that Lindsay really didn't want to hit the truck, but when she tried to stop, her brakes failed. Keep in mind that Lindsay was driving a 2011 Porsche 911, not a 1971 Chevy Vega.

To recap, so far this accident is the fault of:

  1. James the truckdriver
  2. Ferdinand Porsche, Founder of Porsche
The accident is not the fault of:

  1. Lindsay Lohan
Adding more intrigue upon mystery, James the truckdriver told TMZ that Lindsay tried to flee the scene after the accident in an Escalade that was following her, but he had already called 911. Oh, and Lindsay's people tried to pay him off. Oh, and there's a mystery bag involved that is almost certainly full of drugs and/or uranium.
James says the Escalade driver offered him money, saying they could "go to the bank" and withdraw some cash. James says the Escalade driver and Lindsay's assistant put on a full court press: "Him and the guy took me across the street and told me this was some kind of famous person and they didn't want to be in the media. But I'd already called 911 because they were trying to get away from the scene. But they packed a bag and then the limousine driver told me, 'Don't mention the bag to the cops.'"
This shit is awesome. I feel like I should have some popcorn and milk duds. Dreamworks needs to buy the rights to this story and turn it into a movie. Denzel Washington could play James the truckdriver, and a random junkie found in a ditch somewhere could play Lindsay. I'd say Lindsay should play herself, but producers need someone more reliable.

*15 Lindsay Lohan pictures total in the gallery:

  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 1
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 2
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 3
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 4
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 5
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 6
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 7
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 8
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 9
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 10
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 11
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 12
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 13
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 14
  • Lindsay Lohan Accident Liar 15
[Pacific Coast News]

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