Kristen Stewart has no chance

Oh Katy, you shouldn’t have

Lemme see here . . . would you rather nail Kristen Stewart or Katy Perry? . . . Kristen Stewart or Katy Perry? . . . Kristen Stewart or Katy Perry? Obviously Katy Perry. Unless you have a thing for homeless-looking chicks like my old roommate. Pervert. From In Touch Weekly:

Is Katy Perry after Robert Pattinson? On March 31, Robert and his girlfriend, Kristen Stewart, were having drinks at the Chateau Marmont hotel in LA when Katy crashed their get-together.

A witness says as soon as Kristen, 22, went to the ladies’ room, Katy made a beeline to flirt with him. “Kristen was annoyed!”

Yep, this pretty much means it’s over for vampire boy and sour-puss face, and who can blame him? Katy Perry is on the prowl for overrated pasty sausage again, and giant-eyed Pattinson is working the deli counter today. There’s really no defense against Katy’s hotness (unless your name is Sofia Vergara) so I won’t blame Bobby for the eventually dumping of Kristen. I’m not saying that Kristen Stewart is ugly, but yes I am. In Crimean War terms, Katy is James Brudenell, 7th Earl of Cardigan to Kristen’s FitzRoy James Henry Somerset.

You’re damn right I just made a Crimean War analogy. Motherfucker.


April 12, 2012 - 5:00 pm