January 2012 NUDE!

Mia Woolrich

Australian model Mia Woolrich

*19 Mia Woolrich pictures total in the gallery:

Boobies!

After realizing that a story hadn't been written about her in 12 hours, Kim Kardashian tweeted this picture of her hair yesterday ("I dyed my hair lighter yesterday! I'm loving it! New hair color=new beginnings for me"), and what a shock, you can also see her massive juggs in one of her new Kardashian Kollection bikinis. Oh my gosh, she must be so embarrassed -- mortified, really -- that she accidentally posted a picture of her cans. Especially when she only wanted you to see her new hair color. I bet she doesn't show her face for literally days. Poor little lamb.

*5 Kim Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

What reality star does that butt belong to? Identity revealed on PAGE 2 (click the picture to jump) . . .

+ Barbara Palvin was born to wear lingerie [Brosome]

+ Anja Rubik's boobs for Vogue Japan (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Weirdest Hollywood hook-up ever? [The Superficial]
+ Coco in a see-through top (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Reese Witherspoon slams Justin Bieber [Celebuzz]

+ The most amazing Nicolas Cage interview you will ever read [Evil Beet]
+ This is pretty bad ass [Socialite Life]
+ Boobies! [Double Viking]
+ Heidi Klum tweets for first time since split from Seal [I'm Not Obsessed]

LIST OF THE DAY: 5 Non-Super Bowl Bowl Games We'd Like to See

*14 pictures total in the gallery:

Mark Berndt is a sick fuck

Much has been made this week about a stunt on the new Fear Factor where contestants had to drink a mug of donkey semen to advance to the next round. The episode was supposed to air last night, but NBC relented to pressure and pulled it. Which must have been hugely disappointing for 61-year-old Mark Berndt of Los Angeles, above. Pacific Coast News says:

A primary school teacher told students they would be playing "a game" before tying them up and feeding them from a spoon containing semen, police say. Mark Berndt, 61, told the children the spoon contained something sugary and sweet, but authorities said they believed the substance was his semen. He has now been charged with lewd acts on 23 children following the incidents at Miramonte Elementary School in Los Angeles, California. Berndt was fired from the school in March 2011 and is now being held on $2.3-million bail.

Capt. Mike Parker of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department said a spoon recovered from a trash bin in Berndt's classroom is a key piece of evidence. He said: "Early in the investigation, special victims bureau detectives recovered a blue plastic spoon and an empty container from the trash within the suspect’s classroom. The recovered items tested positive for semen.''

Through further investigation, the suspect’s DNA was obtained and tested, and officials said it matched that of the DNA found on the spoon and container. The investigation began when a photo processor turned over to authorities pictures of some alleged acts of bondage and the spoon-feeding, officials said. The 23 alleged victims are both boys and girls and ranged in age from seven to ten. The crimes occurred between 2008 and 2010.

In related news, officials at Penn State announced today that they've hired 61-year-old Mark Berndt of Los Angeles to fill their vacant defensive coordinator position. Whenver God closes a door, he opens a window.

Katharine McPhee in Smash

Katharine McPhee's new show Smash premieres February 6 on NBC. On the one hand, it's a musical. On the other, tits. What a choice. Clearly the person who thought of this show is pure evil. Like, Saw-level evil.

*21 Katharine McPhee pictures total in the gallery:

Miley Cyrus leaving Spot! pet store in Hollywood (1/20)

This sounds more like something a 9-year-old would do, but Miley Cyrus tweeted last night that she broke her ass doing a flip onto the couch. You can take the redneck outta Tennessee . . .:

"cracked my tail bone doing a front flip... on to the couch. thats like when i tripped over a pillow and broke my arm. #onlyme"

Broken tail bone after doing a "flip" onto the couch . . . broken arm after "tripping" over a pillow . . . I'm sure we'll see something next week about a black eye from "falling" into a table . . . I think I see what's really going on here. Miley has black friends and you're just going to have to deal with it, Billy Ray! This is 2012, for Christ's sake! Take your attitude back to the '50s!

*16 Miley Cyrus pictures total in the gallery:

Miranda Kerr

Miranda Kerr at the 2012 AACTA Awards at the Sydney Opera House in Australia (1/31)

*11 Miranda Kerr pictures total in the gallery:

Heidi Klum and her kids leaving a karate studio in Brentwood (1/28)

Heidi Klum dropped her kids Lou and Leni off at karate practice over the weekend in Brentwood and, despite the announcement last week that she's divorcing her husband Seal, she was still wearing her wedding ring. Seal's been spotted with his ring on, too, in recent days. Of course this brings up a million questions: Are they having second thoughts about the divorce? Are they in counseling? Are they just wearing their rings out of habit? Do they still love each other? And, most importantly, how many boards can Leni break at once? HI YAH!

*30 Heidi Klum pictures total in the gallery:

Jennifer Loves Plastic

Jennifer Love Hewitt was spotted shopping for sex toys last week in Hollywood. Wait a minute, who was watching all of her cats at home? Mr. Snuggles must have been so lonely! From the New York Post:

Jennifer Love Hewitt was spotted shopping for toys at the Hustler store the other night on Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles. Hewitt was solo and, according to our spy, "had a few pairs of thongs in her hand and was perusing the 'toys' section before making a purchase." Perhaps the actress was doing some research for her new role in the Lifetime series The Client List, in which she plays a Texas mom-turned-prostitute. Her rep didn’t get back to us.

The New York Posts' writers are either comedians or puritans, because nobody believes that J.Love needs to impale herself on dildos to research movies. There could be three reasons why Jennifer needs to buy enormous rubber penises:

1. Research for a Movie of the Week (yeah right)
2. Vagina is beat to hell (possible, but J enjoys the company of seemingly less well-endowed WASPs)
3. Power scissoring (when scissoring that special lady isn't enough, add a doubled-headed kidney masher)

My guess goes with 3, what's yours?

*10 Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures total in the gallery:

You forgot your bra

I hope this is some kind of cruel prank she's playing on us, but the New York Post says Paris Hilton is coming out with a new album soon. Actually, "cumming" might be a more appropriate word since we're talking about Paris Hilton:

Paris Hilton says she's readying her new CD with the help of her DJ-producer boyfriend, Afrojack. "I'm doing my new album, and Afrojack is actually executive-producing the entire thing," the socialite said while partying at Google Music's Sundance venue, Tao. "There are a lot of very cool collaborations on my album," Hilton added. "It should be out in the next few months. We just finished doing my single with [band] LMFAO, then I’m recording with Snoop Dogg."

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. How much penicillin do I need to make this Paris sore go away? Damn it, I feel like I've been burned . . . again. Damn the Swiss, too. Damn their overrated hot chocolate and hacky DJs. I thought I was done with Paris, but Nick van de Wall had a better idea. Who's Nick van de Wall, you ask? He is Paris' new pigeon that's gonna learn the hard way that he's not herpes proof (btw, is it true that it causes hair loss in women?). Congratulations for giving Paris an extension on her 15 minutes, I hope you choke on the Valtrex.

*20 Paris Hilton pictures total in the gallery: