Celebslam is shutting things down a little early today for the Christmas weekend. Enjoy this little gallery I put together of "The Top 11 Celebrities Santa Wants to Sit on His Lap This Year" because, really, why not sexualize Santa, Christmas, and the spirit of giving? It's what Jesus would have wanted.

NOTE: Click through the gallery for individual comments under each picture.

*14 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Santa Claus
  • Honorable mention\: Olivia Wilde. Olivia will crack the top 11 when she puts some meat on those bones. For now she's all face and talent\, and in my world that's just not good enough. Olivia\, how about you and I go grab a bite to eat\? It'll be fun\, just you\, me\, my camera crew\, and security detail\, and of course my mom.
  • Honorable mention\: Eva Mendes. Is Eva knocked up or something\? She started 2011 on fire\, but she fell off the map in the second half. Step it up\, Eva. You should be on this list but you keep disappearing. Let's start the New Year off on the right foot.
  • 11. Olivia Munn. Olivia Munn is on this list. Deal with it. Sure\, she's not quite as attractive as the rest of these ladies\, but Olivia has one hell of a dirty mouth\, and that takes her a very long way with me. Just watch old episodes of "Attack of the Show" and you'll see what I mean.
  • 10. Katy Perry. I know\, I know\, at first glance you'd think that Katy Perry is a bit overexposed. She's literally been everywhere and on everything\, but the fact of the matter is that Katy Perry is smoking hot and has an amazing rack. This isn't a best singer's list\, you know. Katy knows how to use those melons to serve humanity\, and isn't that the sexiest thing you can do\?
  • 9. Minka Kelly. I love Minka Kelly\, not just because she's stunning and talented\, but because she dumped the Captain. Derek Jeter has been a lost soul because Minka isn't shining on him anymore. Imagine that you can have anything in the world\: Fame\, money\, power\, adoring fans\, but the one thing you have to give up is Minka Kelly. I'm not so sure that I'd want that for myself.
  • 8. Kate Upton. If you think that if Kate Upton just exploded onto the scene\, I'd say you're right. She has everything you need for longevity in this dirty business\, and I will savor watching Kate blossom into a walking Viagra bottle. We here at Celebslam vow to feature Kate in the future. For now\, I just want to bask in her glory\, and by glory I mean vagina.
  • 7. Milla Jovovich. One of my all-time favorites is Milla Jovovich. She started out in low budget stoner flicks and now she's Hollywood's reigning "Scream Queen." Milla has a special place in my heart since she always leaves a wet spot in my shorts.
  • 6. Emmanuelle Chriqui. What can I say about Emanuelle Chriqui\? She made "You don't mess with the Zohan" watchable. In an era where nothing is left to the imagination\, Chriqui goes old school\: Less is More. One thing that's never been said on Celebslam\: "Emmanuelle didn't look her best today..."
  • 5. Bar Refaeli. Bar Refaeli is the reason why there will never be peace in the Middle East. Every time a Palestinian negotiator tries to make any point\, the Israelis simply put a picture of Bar on the table and use the PLO's erections as bargaining weapons. Well played\, Israel\, well played.

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: